#orisit?

Commission for another person at my own table!

Was watching YouTube and saw a similar image as the vid loaded! Top: loading screen

Bottom: @cloakbrand logo!

It must be true! 😉

Everything you are able to perceive is what is real.

Everyone else was over it... so why wasn’t I?

Language Exchange marked a before and after in my university life. In fact, at this point I think I should say it marked a before and after in my life. When I became part of it, I became even more outgoing than what I already was. It felt as if my whole life was building up and leading to that group of people that shared the same idea of fun as I did. I identified with the particular mix of cultures and I slowly adopted Exchange with all its highs and lows as part of my life. I met so many great, fun, interesting people by being part of this special thing. I took on my first big leadership role thanks to this special thing. And now it’s over for me... this special thing. And I wonder, what is going to be of myself after this special thing?

Slowly, everyone that mattered to me in the group started to grow out of it. They graduated, they found jobs, they found partners. Everyone that was once an immensely important part of Exchange and of my life slowly, one by one, they lost interest, they found better things to do or better people to hangout with, they moved out of the city, out of the country. But I was still holding on to it for dear life. Even after my partner in crime since day one in Exchange grew out of it, I was still going. I was still trying, even when it was dying. Even when no one else cared about it anymore. So why did I? I also felt a part of me wanting to bury it all for good. But I can still taste a bit of what it made me feel in the past. It’s like I am still dealing with all the lingering residual feelings from all those years of fun and exciting Friday nights. The friendships that once meant so much, the men that once made my heart beat so fast. The drunken nights, the loud karaoke nights, the fun summer outings. The new friends and the old ones. 

They are all over it... so why aren’t I?

It feels as if they all took a piece of Exchange and carried it with them on to the next phase of their lives. It feels as if they were there only for a bit before they returned to their regular schedules in life. But they didn’t go back without Exchange giving them something. Some took friends for life. Some took a partner for life. Some took jobs. But they are all doing so with a part of Exchange and of Korea still in their lives. Jobs in Korea, Korean friends, Korean boyfriends. They left Exchange behind, but they still live it out in their daily lives somehow.

But for me, it feels as if I am supposed to put all of that behind as if it was just a momentary thing in my life, as if it was something I was just meant to grow out of. I’m supposed to put all those years spent learning Korean and learning their customs and building relationships... put it all in a little box and forget about it and move on as if it never happened. ‘You’ll get over it!’ they say. I feel as if I am now expected to go back to life before Exchange. Speak English, speak Spanish, connect with your culture, venture out of your little comfort zone, try to meet new people, study French!, meet people who are staying in Canada, date someone! but not a Korean. You’ll get over it.