#originally posted

I don’t even think you’ll know its me but half way in I’m sure you will. I’m sorry for how I handled that conflict. I realize now that I’ve never really felt peer pressure till I was told to make the choice. I’ve never been good with conflict or confrontation and especially not with losing people. I’m not writing this to get you back as a friend but more so as a plea from my conscious. I think about what I could’ve done a lot lately. Especially since I spent a week with your mom in LA. (She’s a really amazing person and honestly you should give her another chance. She’s in a much better place than she was two years ago. I think we all are. At least I hope you are.) I think I think about it most because I feel like I owe her to try and reach out to you. When I was there she asked if I had talked to you and when I told her I hadn’t it almost crushed me to see how sad she looked. Whenever she talked about you it was with great admiration and affection and I feel like you should know that. I really don’t care if you think any better or worse of me for this I just felt like I should say something. It’s not fair that I dropped you the way I did and I still feel like shit about it. If I had stood up for myself and if I had just been able to not care what everyone else thought I think I would’ve had a much less lonely end to that year. I learned a bit too late that I put my faith in the wrong person. We all fuck up and I will never know what actually happened, but I know that I’d feel better knowing that you know I was never ok with what happened. I always have and will probably continue to be torn up about it. But I can’t change that now. I hope you enjoy RISD. I always knew you’re going to places and I still don’t doubt that.