#ordinary stuff

So the other day, I was holding a phone, one of the pieces of technology every gal should carry around. As I was an ordinary gal, I too had one.

I wasn't very good at it, but I still had it at least. I was taking it apart very carefully with a hammer and chisel to see how it worked, but it wasn't exactly going very well. the insides didn't really tell me much.

"Ahem," a voice coughed, and I looked up. there was a man in slacks and a button up shirt, wearing a bright blue badge and glasses. he seemed kind of nervous; he was fidgeting with his backpack as he looked down at me.

"Can I help you?" I asked, setting down the phone.

"You need to dispose of that battery," he said in a very forceful tone. "It is going to explode."

I didn't know which part was a battery, but I didn't think that was true. Phones were used to watch Tick Tocks and text friends. I would know if they blew up. "No, it's not. Phones don't explode. That's silly. You should leave."

He pointed at the phone's big, fluffy internal pillow. "That's a lithium ion battery, and it very much is about to explode."

"Um." I blinked. That was a pillow. "The pillow of the phone is necessary for the phone to go into Sleep Mode. When a phone goes to Sleep Mode, the pillow is there to make the phone comfortable and make sure it can rest properly. It wouldn't be a very good pillow if it blows up, so it can't be a battery."

"You need to dispose of it immediately," the man insisted. "If it explodes, it could hurt someone. It's a serious safety risk."

I prodded the pillow, and it was as soft and fluffy as an ordinary pillow. The man really didn't like that, though. "Did... did you just dent an expanding lithium ion battery with your finger?"

"I poked it," I corrected. "But it's not a battery, it's a pillow. I have a lot of pillows on my bed, and they are all very safe and comfy."

"You need to stop touching it," the man said, frantically. "It's very dangerous. We need to put it in a bucket of sand and take it to a professional."

I looked back at the pillow and then back at the man. Now, I was pretty sure nothing bad would happen, but I didn't want to worry this guy too much, either. "Well, I'll dispose of it, if you want."

I took the pillow and swallowed it.

"What," the man said, staring at me. "Um. Okay, I don't know what the safety regulations for that is supposed to be, but I think I need to call an ambulance."

"Good luck with that," I said, shrugging. I didn't know why the man wanted an ambulance. Ambulances were only for when you were really, really sick, and needed to get to the hospital. The man was a little weird, but I didn't think he was sick.

I went and got chocolate.

Two days before the weekend of Easter.

At a regional candy shop.

On the bright side, due to my Mom's request I get some non-prepackaged pieces, I just had to wait in line in the back of the store, instead of being crowded about and dealing with loud voices for most of it.