#orangebleeders

http://chancellor.syr.edu/messages/m/orange-central.html 

    Dear Orange Friends (seriously, we're still using this line? I guess it's better than that colonial "Orange Bleeders" line he had goin'),

  I'm sure Trustee Laurie Taishoff is a great person, but I'm fairly certain that the Alumni Association Board is filled with white, rich alumni who are also sports fanatics. How about an Alumni Board that represents our ACTUAL alumni? We know that Kent is working hard to reduce the number of students of color and students who qualify for Pell Grants, but we are here, and we are graduating even as you cut POSSE programs. We are Syracuse Alums. 

  How about that student who works long hours at Graham Dining Hall to make ends meet while paying Syracuse's exorbitant tuition? She surely receives those letters, phone calls, and emails requesting she "give back" to her University by giving a monetary donation. While Kent celebrates the lush donations of rich alumni, I'm infuriated by the demand to "give back." And what about the University's responsibilities to its students? To fleece students of their tuition dollars and then to demand they donate more? What about an alumni association made up of those who cannot, or do not, donate financial means to the University? 

  I noticed that no Arents Awards went to School of Education alums. Is that because their wallets are too thin? Their commitments to social justice too thick?

  While I'm here, can we also talk about that whole Homecoming Court thing? I mean, we're still doing that? Can you say hetero-patriarchy anyone? I haven't seen such a heteronormative performance since my small-town, small-time prom. And you actually gave crowns?

  "Tradition" isn't always worth holding onto. Sometimes "traditions" need to be remade. 

  Becca

http://chancellor.syr.edu/messages/m/complete-merit.html

    Yo Bro Kent, 

Thanks for explaining why all these old dudes are still roaming around campus, yo! Dude, I just thought that once profs retired they just went to like live in Florida or pretend to teach courses at SU in LA. Like srsly bro, why would they want to hang around this place forevaaaaa? Are you brainwashing them? Like, are they like Stepford wives where they've drunk the Orange Kool-Aid? Or nah, I bet they're like sleeper cell agents, sleeper cell profs man that would make a killer movie! It'd be like Snowpiercer where instead of eating those purple bug Jell-O's, your're feeding them Orange Jell-O with like hidden Yager to make them want to stay. Speaking of which, I think I will start to Kickstarter campaign for this movie idea! Do you want to be my first backer, bro?! I'll give you executive producer rights, yo! All I know is that when I'm a crusty old dude like Marvin, I will NOT be hanging around Syracuse, I'll be getting down by the pool with senior ladies in Key West Florida! I'll save my money for buying the ladies some liquor – don't nobody want no astronomy labs here anyways. After I endow a beer keg at Sig Ep when I graduate, I'm out bro!

February 17, 2014

http://chancellor.syr.edu/messages/m/quiet-things.html

Yo, #BroKent,

I am so glad you finally stared calling me a friend, yo! I mean, Orange Bleeders is just too vague. But me and you, we have a legit #Bromance going. So screw quiet things, man, let's proclaim our friendship from the rooftops, hell, the DOMETOP! #CUSELIFE!!

So yah, that game against Pittsburgh was off. the. hook. But I knew the #Cuse would pull it off in the end! Where were you sitting, bro? I wanted to see you, man!! Think you can hook me up with some courtside seats? Or maybe in your luxury skybox where we can toss back some PBRs?? Or Jager!!

Because sports is all that matters, breh! I ignored the rest of your email, had to run and de-clog the downstairs toilet. You know, #PledgeLife. But whatevs, the only important shit is #ORANGE and #SPORTS!

Lates,

February 11, 2014

(http://chancellor.syr.edu/messages/m/handling-anything.html)

Dear Chancellor Kent,

I'm happy to hear you enjoyed watching students toboggan down the Crouse College hill on their..."rear ends" (#NoneOfYourProofreadersEditedOutRearEnds ?) I guess I'm a wimp. I have to say, I was pretty upset when my morning commute WAS an actual toboggan run, slipping and sliding across ill-plowed roads (#WheresMayorMiner). I persevered because I'm a mom and have two kids; I need to clock in. I need those hours. I can't waste my sick days, which aren't ever enough when someone gets sick, on snow. A tank of gas, some near-heart attacks, some sliding, and two hours later, I made it safely to the Hill. Of course, I arrived to a huddle of other administrative staff, also shaken by their morning commutes, discussing how we will get home? I know Cindy had to drive up from Auburn. AUBURN. You do not want to know what those roads were like. See, by the time most of us made it in, you sent us an email cancelling classes. But by then the roads were even worse. Kent, we even contemplated if we could spend the night in our offices. Would we actually make it back home? #NotWimps #NotASignofWeakness #WhatsWrongWithWeaknessAnyway?

Perhaps your email is a distraction. I read those other #KentGrams from those social scientists who interpreted your previous message #AdministrativeStaffHaveBrainsInCaseYouForgot. The sheer joy of students as great compensation - compensation for an irresponsible refusal to close the University earlier? Anyway, like Joan K. wrote the other day, administrative staff keep this University together (don't think we didn't hear about your latest copier incident). We wished you kept us, and our safety, in mind the next time you think about cancelling classes or calling us wimpy or weak for not wanting to risk our lives. We fix your problems. We fix EVERYONE'S problems. And our labor is invisible, under-appreciated, undervalued, and dismissed. That's not weakness, Kent. It's the strength that allows everyone to attend class, teach, publish, and organize.

Respectfully,

Barbara S.