It wasn't a secret when Levi was angry. The castle went deathly quiet, and Eren seemed to be running around like a headless chicken. Mikasa would be growling and trying to pull Eren away from the chores, while Armin threw his arms around and tried to calm everything down and drag Mikasa away from Levi.

You usually made yourself scarce, keeping away from the family drama, and in the secrecy of your room rolled your eyes at the protectiveness that Mikasa showed. She was babying Eren, which couldn't have helped Levi's ire at what was happening in the world. A Titan with a keeper, was a dangerous entity to have in war and put the entire Corps in danger.

Levi knew it, and from all the times you eavesdropped on Hange, they confirmed your fears.

There were times, in the dark of night, and the safety of your own bed, that you allowed yourself to think about if you were a Titan. You wondered if Levi would finally see you, the way that his eyes kept following Eren. You felt the anger heat your body underneath your collar, and you needed to hold your blades and fly through the trees. You needed to scream, and feel the wind rush through your bones as you let everything you've been holding inside free.

The war looked different before Eren. Before the 104th squad joined. Life felt more…fragile, and real. Everyone kept close, and huddled together over the pots of tea that Levi plied them with after an especially bad fight. Hange would have subdued moments where they'd open up, and talk about their fears. But, now. It was all jumping when Eren said anything, and excited jabbering about how he was Humanity's Hope. Even the fucking dick Erwin agreed.

Everything changed.

And you finally let go.

You screamed like you never have before, and slid the papers off your desk. It wan't enough to silence the wolf inside of you, and you saw your array of mismatched tea caddies. Tea that you have spent months and years collecting to have something that would make that glint in Levi's eyes appear. It hurt to see them. To know that it was all of his favourites. You took the tin with the Gunpowder and held it like it was something fragile. Before you threw the aging tin against the wall to see it shatter.

Your throat was raw, and you fell to your knees.

You didn't know why there was this rush of emotion whenever you thought about Eren, and how Levi reacted around him. It was tiring—moreso than training or keeping a low profile when Titans were crawling through the forests in search of the sickly sweet scent of blood rushing through the Corps' veins.

Your head felt like it was going to explode, and it was pulsing so much that you didn't hear the door open behind you, but when you felt a hand on your shoulder your instincts kicked in and seconds later Hange was underneath your body with your foot on their throat.

They coughed, and when you focused on their face, you were yanked back to reality.

You pulled back fast and fell against the opposite wall, sliding to the floor.

"He still talks about you, you know?" Hange's voice was rough, but they kept their hands at their sides and you felt chained by their gaze.

"Who?" You looked away from them, staring at the dent in the wall from the previous breakdown you had.

"C'mon. You know I'm talking about Levi. So, why won't you just go and talk to him?" You chuckled mirthlessly into the void, and shook your head.

"He's too busy trailing after Eren and making sure he doesn't explode." You heard Hange's steps get louder until they were standing in front of you.

"Both of you are fucking idiots. Look. I don't know what happened two years ago, but something did and it wasn't just Eren."

You shut your eyes against the memories, needing to get the image out of your head. Sweaty bodies writing against each other and empty endearments through heated kisses. Levi never meant for that night to happen. He was just tired after the expedition, and losing Isabel and Farlan had been hard. He needed something to tether him to the earth, and you were happy to oblige. Now, it hurt to think about.

It hurt to remember what Levi's body on top of yours felt like, and it was even worse to admit that you wanted it back.

That you yearned for Levi's soft smiles when he made the perfect cup of tea, and the crinkle in his eyebrows when the shipping manifests didn't make sense. You used to track every move Levi made with a surgical precision that now seems lost to you.

"You both are being idiotic boys."

Before you could balk at being called a boy, Hange walked out of your room with a shake of their head. Somehow, you felt like they were disappointed in you, but you couldn't make sense why, or what you did to attract this attention.

You skipped dinner that night, not wanting to be caught in the fray of hungry soldiers and rambunctious in fighting. On a good day it took every ounce of strength you had, but that night. You stayed and tried to sort through the papers that were scattered across your floor and got rid of the rest of the teas you collected.

You found some old coffee beans stuck to the edge of the table, wedged between the edge of your closet and the wall. You tried it once, and instantly wanted to spit it all out, but it was time to try it again.

To rid yourself of every essence of Levi's being that you held in your bones. Cleanse yourself from the hold he had.

You boiled the kettle and steeped the beans just the way that Hange taught you, and you blew over the steam tendrils that flowed up to the ceiling.

"Tch." The sound that came from your right almost startled you enough to drop the mug before regaining your wits.

You stared at Levi that stood in the space, and there was a part of you that wasn't surprised at his presence, especially after Hange earlier. His eyes roved over your room, and you saw a glint of something in his eyes that you couldn't place. And when his eyes caught your table, the frown was clear.

"You got rid of your teas." His voice was devoid of anything, and you brought the mug closer to your nose. The coffee had a robust smell that tea didn't really carry, and your nose twitched against the sneeze that threatened. To cover it, you took a sip, and tried to keep a straight face when the bitter liquid hit your tongue.

"Thought it was time for a change." From Levi's reaction, it felt like your words were weighted with something else, something that only Levi could see.

"Four eyes noticed you weren't at dinner, and told me to bring you food." You finally saw the plate in his hands. It wasn't much, just some bread and potatoes, but you knew that was more than any of the soldiers got sometimes. Levi put the plate on your writing desk before he turned around, ready to walk away.

You didn't know if it was the acrid taste of coffee, or Hange calling you a stupid boy. But through it all you got the courage to speak up, "Is that it? You're just going to leave again?"

Your back was up against the wall, and very quickly you were looking down at Levi's enraged eyes. He had your shirt in a vice grip and twisted it to bring your head closer.

"Leave again like WHAT? Like you never talked to me again and kept out of my way? Disappeared into fucking dark corners for days? God." He was growling through the words and baring his teeth at you. You rolled your eyes and thought about the caddies shattering against the wall. You thought about Levi avoiding your eyes, and lathering Eren with his attention.

Your brain latched onto that and you found the strength to push him away from you.

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not a filthy titan that can keep your goddamn attention at all time, Corporal Ackerman." The venom seeped through as you said his last name, and you knew he didn't expect it by how his eyes widened.

"You think that Eren has all of my attention for what?!" You rolled his eyes at him. If he wanted a fight, that was what he would get.

"Because he's the new, shiny toy that wasn't here when all the bullshit happened to you? Because when you're with HIM you could forget anything that happened?! TELL ME WHEN I'M FUCKING CLOSE." Levi growled in response, and pounced.

His lips found yours in the heat of the fight. It was rough, and unpracticed, and something about that lit you on fire. He clumsily sucked on your bottom lip, and tried to push you into the wall, but pull you closer at the same time. You growled and threw both of you on the bed without breaking the kiss. He growled at the change and pulled away to suck on your collarbone, "Don't you EVER think that there's someone more new and shiny than you. And don't you ever avoid me like you have been."

You looked at his eyes, and you could see the smile in them.

"Aye aye, cap'n." You said it with a smirk on your face.

He laughed, the first real laugh that you've ever seen from him and, god. It was beautiful. "You little shit." He murmured against your neck as he fought with your trousers.