#openedmyeyes

This past Saturday i went to church with my mother. I went and we were there for an hour of mass and 2 hours of prayer and singing. Right now, there are so many wrong things going on in my life, people disappearing and problems arising. I caught myself crying in the middle of my prayer, with my knees on the mat and covering my eyes with my head down. I started pouring my heart out, on how I want to obtain an education, find a job to pay for my schooling and how i want to become independent and live on my own. 

Yesterday I got the call for a job for an assistant manager position that I dearly wanted. Today I received two calls for jobs that I previously applied too and had to turn them down. He heard my prayers, and my tears. He felt and heard my tears hit the tile of his home (church).

Tonight, I prayed with my mother. We did 50 Ave Marias and padre nuestros and so many other prayers and teachings. After our prayers I came into my room and started to listen to a song that I was listening too when I was in 6th grade called "Open The Eyes of my Heart Lord". Oh how my eyes became watery, I just want my life to go according to plan for once. To be able to be happy and have no worries. I felt like I was happy at Disneyland and with Efren. But, after opening my eyes to the world. . . I realized what I missed. I missed hanging out with friends, having fun, adventures, what it feels like to socialize. What it felt like to spend time with my family and to have time to write and have time for myself. To know what makes me happy, and who I truly am.

I am tired of sacrificing so much for someone else, sacrificing my family time and time for myself. Taking them to every errand I had to do. I want to simply be my own person, to simply be happy and content in my own skin. I started loosing weight and going to the gym, being able to hang out with family and friends and just live life.

I am 21 years old and I spent nearly 3 years with the same boring person. That didn't want to go out, not go to amusement parks or even try anything new. SAME ROUTINE EVERY DAY, I gained weight from being with him and every time we broke up I would lose weight. I dont think he was even good for my health. Always had me crying, and depressed and insecure. I am glad I had the strength to end things and not even give it a second thought.