#opal-bee

Dorian’s grey eyes flashed, flicking towards him, and for asecond Varlen thought he’d made him angry. However, the moment passed, andDorian relaxed again, sighing and sinking further into the decrepit chair. “Isuppose,” he said airily, waving a hand lethargically before letting it flop back into hislap. “It’s the least I can do, after all, given the miraculous rescue youperformed.”

“Not willingly,”Varlen pointed out, then grinned, “but hey, I’ll take it.”

With a light snort, Dorian sat quietly or a moment,fingertips toying with the clasp of the bag. Then, almost reluctantly, heopened it and pulled out its contents. Varlen tensed, not sure what to expect.

He certainly hadn’t expected a book.

“Yes, scandalous, isit not?” Dorian said, taking note of Varlen’s bemused expression. “All thattrouble… for this.”

“I mean… I…” Varlen gave up trying to justify it and justshook his head. “Why? Is it like… afirst edition or something? Is it super rare? Worth thousands?”

“Not at all.” Dorian’s gaze had fallen to the leather cover,and a soft smile drifted across his face as he gently eased it open with a satisfying creak. “Just… well,sentimental drivel, I suppose. It was given to me by a good friend. One I miss rather terribly, as I recently discovered. Hence the heist.”

“Wait,” Varlen said, raising a hand, face scrunched into adeep, bewildered expression. “So you mean to tell me you broke into someone’s house… for a book.” He pointed. “That book.”

“Yes.”

Varlen had nothing to say to that. He just raised hiseyebrows in disbelief and shook his head. “That’s… well, whoever it was from, they musthave meant a lot to you.”

“He was… a good friend. A good man, really.” Dorian spoke slowly, his voice growing distant as hebrushed his fingertips across the back of the cover. “A better one than I willever be, at least. Not that such a thing would take much, mind you.”

By the tone of Dorian’s voice alone, Varlen could tell thiswas a difficult thing for him to share. He watched as the dark-haired man swallowedtightly, pursed his lips, then blinked a few times, as if forcing somethingback. Holding something in.

“What was his name?” Varlen asked eventually. Gently. “Did he writethat?”

Dorian let out a surprisingly watery laugh. “What? This? Heaven’s no. This… was his father’swork, actually. One of his first publications. I… apprenticed under him for atime.” He smiled to himself, then gently closed the book. “Felix kept me sane,you know. He would sneak me food when I forgot to eat. Force me to go outsideand breathe the fresh air, if thereeven is such a thing. I… the first year I spent working with his father, hegave me this for my birthday. Blessed fool even signed the cover like some sort ofpseudo-celebrity. His idea of a joke, I think…”

Dorian trailed off, and Varlen said nothing, feeling asurprising pang of empathy for the man sitting in his battered old chair,curved over that leather-bound book. However, eventually, Varlen found anotherquestion begging to be asked.

“So… why did you have to steal it?”

“Well, I couldn’t just askfor it,” Dorian began blithely, then hesitated, a dark expression suddenly liningthe corners of his mouth and eyes. “My parents had it. It was sent to them,apparently. Had I requested it, they would have likely destroyed it purely to spiteme.”

Varlen cringed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on hisknees. “So you had to steal it.”

“Yes.” Dorian sighed, reaching up to rub at his eyes. “Ratherunfortunate situation, I’m afraid. They had upgraded their security measures since I last lived in that cursed house. But… I do apologise for dragging you into all of this. I imaginedriving terrified through the inner city then harbouring a criminal wasn’t quite how you planned on spendingyour evening.”

Varlen forced a chuckle, still feeling bad on behalf of hisnew houseguest. “Yeah well… it’s not so bad. I’m not murdered in a ditch, so I have that going for me.”

He glanced across to catch Dorian arching his eyebrow at him. “You… haverather low standards, Varlen. You know that, yes?”

“Yeah, well, I mean…” Varlen gestured around the crampedspace, every object in it trapped in some sorry state of disrepair. “That shouldbe pretty obvious by now.”

Dorian laughed at that, leaning back, the sound rolling easilyfrom his chest. It was the first genuinely relaxed thing he’d done that entireevening. Perhaps, tucked away in such a small, nondescript apartment, he feltsafe from the repercussions of his crime. Perhaps he was right to feel thatway. This would probably be the last place anyone thought to look for him.

With that thought in mind, Varlen suddenly spoke. “You can stay the night here, if you want.” Dorian, whose eyes had actually drifted closed for a moment, snappedopen to look at him, as though shocked. Varlen felt his cheeks grow hot and hecleared his throat. “I uh… have a spare bed. Well it’s not a bed exactly, more a blow-up mattress, but youcan use it if you’d feel better here then… at your place… y’know, if your parents suspect…”

Nailed it, Varlenthought bitterly as he trailed off, cringing and burying his face in his hands, pretending to rub his eyes. Yep. Smoothest talkerin the city right here. I should give lessons. Start a class. Write a book. Lecture at a unive—

“You… are a very kind person, Varlen.” Doriansaid suddenly, startling Varlen out of his despair. He paused, regarding Varlen with those quartz-grey eyes, then smiled,causing Varlen’s cheeks flush yet again. “I would be rather foolish to turn downsuch a generous offer, given the circumstances.”

Varlen blinked for a moment, stunned that Dorian hadactually agreed. “Wait, so… you will?Stay, I mean.”

“If you will have me, yes.”

In a rush, Varlen launched to his feet, suddenly strangelypanicked. What am I meant to do? I don’tthink anyone’s ever stayed the night at this dump of a place before! Where’s thatmattress… shit, I can’t remember… wait… maybe…

“I… ah…” Varlen paused, forcing himself to stop, then took a deep, calming breath. Significantlymore composed, he cleared his throat pointedly and turned to meet Dorian’squizzical stare. “May I offer you a beverage.”

Dorian let out a surprised laugh at the sudden formality,then relaxed into a smile as Varlen’s composure broke and he grinned back stupidly. 

kurosmind said: *ace hug*

Thanks guys. <3

opal-bee said: *hugs* No one has the right to make those comparisons for you. Of course there’s always someone who has it worse, but that should never be used to negate someone else’s (your) experiences. You have every right to your feelings, always.

Thanks. Logically, I know I have a right to my feelings. But I also feel like it’s not a “safe” thing for me to express, even on Tumblr where usually I feel fairly free to express myself. I don’t want to be in a competition with any other group of people for “who has it worse”. I just want my hurt to be validated - not just by people like me but also people who are different from me. And it’s really frustrating that I don’t really see that.

kirschteins-delivery-service said: I have issues with the same thing and I think it’s because of the treatment by people who are part of a community that’s helped me w other aspects of my identity and to have so many in that community reject this side of me is really hurtful

Yes, that’s pretty much what I feel too. And what hurts most to me is that many of the people who think ace people don’t belong in the LGBT+ community are people I care about. I’ve defended them and stood by them and accepted them for who they are, and why can’t they at least acknowledge the validity of my suffering, different though it may be from theirs?