#oopsksksks

then and now

➣ pairing: yoongi x reader

➣ word count: 1k 

➣ genre: rapper!yoongi postbreakup!au

➣ a/n: ok forewarning fhdjsjksjs this kinda isn’t like things u said too quietly but like ….. my rendition of it lol ….. that’s why it was kinda hard to write it …. but i did it !!! so here ahahah 

You loved Yoongi.

You really did.

If someone came up to you and asked you if you ever loved someone so much, would you have done anything and everything for them?— The thought of Yoongi would not hesitate to make his way up to your mind.

It was simply because you loved him so much, you would have done anything for him.

You did love him.

It had been 2 years since you two had a falling out in a relationship— or something your mother, who disapproved of the relationship since the beginning, would call, ’a toxic wasteland with no future’.

Reasoning for falling out?

Anything and everything.

You don’t know why but deciding to hit pay for the ticket to Min Yoongi’s concert was something you can’t really explain in simple words. But, you do know that you were questioning Jeongyeon, the one who sent you the link to his concert tickets in the first place. Something about how “he’s a really good artist!” and “he’s the rapper I was telling you about”.

You also don’t know why you actually showed up at the concert venue alone. A small area, but if you were to hide in the corner next to the bar, you would be able to watch him from a good angle, while also to be able to stay hidden.

Min Yoongi has been someone you’ve loved for the longest while, but if there was anything you knew about him, he was never good with words.

Music?

Wonderfully brilliant at it.

That’s why you believed in him. You believed with every single part of your body that his music would be known and loved. That people were going to love and adore it just as much as you did.

Maybe that could account for why you were standing in that venue, a beer in hand trying to cover your face without being recognized by anyone before the show started, and feeling an emotion that overwhelmed you.

As people had swarmed in, some trying to fight those at the front, the lights began to dim, and you prepared yourself for whatever was behind the closed curtains.

And when the drawn curtains have separated and out from the shadows came someone familiar but yet so foreign, you nearly freeze, your mind telling you to back out on this, yet your legs were rooted to the ground.

A rhythmic beat had overtaken and the form that was moving to the beat and bringing a mic to his lips from a single spotlight, you realize it’s him. It’s really him.

And he’s on stage, performing, expressing his art to real people loud and clear.

It brings excitement and brings a sort of wistfulness inside of you, because as you stand, harbored away with your lonely beer, you hear the verses that you once made opinions about, ones that you knew he written on good days, hard days, and/or sporadic days., and the ones that you even helped him with. It made you feel familiar with the surrounding, despite the fact that you’re a nobody and not one person knows that you know these verses.

One song had started to play after a couple of songs and him talking to the crowd. He said he had called it To The Then and Now and how he dedicated it to someone he knew.

Then you froze.

The day he wanted to talk to you immediately filled your mind.

You thought it would have been something exciting, something along the lines of good news— exciting news. You expected to hear something huge or amazing that happened to him that would have you smile, squeal, jump in complete elation all for him. Why? Because you wished the absolute best for him.

But you didn’t squeal or jump or do any of the above. Instead, you were doing the opposite. Smiling to frowning in confusion, squealing to yelling, and jumping in complete elation to breaking down in utter shock and denial.

“I love you,” he had spoke so meekly. “But you can’t be with me.”

“I love you then and I love you now, but what does that mean when we couldn’t settle down?”

“Why?” You asked, furrowing your eyebrows.

“I slept with someone.”

“You were gonna cheat in life to be with me but I had to cheat on you so you could be with life.

"No, you didn’t,” you dryly laughed off, but seeing the way he barely could even look at you in the eye, your breath hitched.

“These are words that will never be said because I’m the one who’s over my head. While I’m with someone else in bed, you’re the one that I picture in red.”

“I’m sorry.”

“At night I think about the could have been’s, and I never stopped loving you ever since.”

“Please tell me this is a joke.”

Yoongi looked at you, the one trying to bargain and sitting there in denial with eyes brimming with tears that show that this wasn’t a joke while his throat swelled and his chest caved in at the sight of you. He didn’t want to do it this way, but he had to.

“You were willing to be with me for the sake of loving me, but I wasn’t willing to be with you for the sake of loving you.”

Yoongi could only let out a quiet apology once more before he couldn’t take it in and walked out first— trying to make it easier for him, but it only was the hardest thing that he had to do.

“You knew I wouldn’t leave you for the heaven or hell, but damn, you wouldn’t leave me even if I didn’t do well”

Yoongi loved you.

But you being with him, giving up almost everything to be with him, was a debt he didn’t want to pay for.

He wanted you to be happy.

“I know I was reckless and hasty, but if I told you the truth, I just wanted you to be happy.”

And happiness isn’t with him. He was damned and you knew it.

“I love you now and I love you then, and I wish leaving you was all pretend.”

The crowd screamed, hollered, cheered at his last song the minute it ended, but it all became white noise.

Because those verses, those unfamiliar verses that you never have your opinion about or helped with, had left you speechless. And how ironic, because Yoongi was never one for explaining his feelings and his actions, yet that… that was louder than the words of what you knew and held for the longest of “you can’t be with me”.

It suddenly felt like it was just you and him in the room, because as he was thanking the crowd of people adoring him, he had made his eyes towards you.

Catching his gaze, he nearly does a double take, but he knows no one can ever look the way you do. And for that split second of eye contact, you gave him a nod. A nod that shared a meaning you and him understood.

It was enough for him to know that you understood, and it was enough for you to know that that was closure.

Now, it was time to move on.

this drabble request is apart of my drabble series