#oo-mox

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Best moments

You saved your brother’s life Let’s start off with the good stuff. In “Necessary Evil” when Trazko is pillow smothering Quark, Rom screams and screams for help, foiling the assassination plot and saving his brother’s life. And you know what, it’s actually a pretty funny button when Rom screams again when he realizes that, with Quark still alive, he won’t be inheriting the bar any time soon.

I would be proud to have a son in Starfleet Even I, a bonafide Rom hater, can admit that his relationship with his son is one of the best things about his character. We see him stand up to Quark (a rarity!) and support Nog’s desire to join Starfleet in “Heart of Stone” and we’ve got to give the guy credit for wanting Nog to pursue his dreams of becoming better than his father, low bar as that may seem.

The Ferengi not-so-Benevolent Association When the Nagus’s personality has gotten rewritten in “Prophet Motive,” he somehow ends up making Rom the senior administrator of his new Ferengi Benevolent Association. And you’ve got to give Rom credit for seeing a chance to scheme that even Quark didn’t notice, as he embezzles money from the foundation before Zek turns back to normal. He’s got the lobes!

Moogie’s got the lobes for business In addition to the lovely father-son relationship with Nog, Rom’s relationship with his moogie is also extremely sweet. He eventually supports her profit-making scheme in “Family Business” even though it’s illegal for females to make money, tricks Quark into coming to terms with Ishka, and by the end of the episode is in on the plan to hide some of her profits from Brunt, FCA!

My son’s happiness is more important to me than anything, even latinum It’s worth mentioning how supportive Rom is of Nog again because in “Facets” he foils Quark’s nefarious plan to sabotage his Starfleet Academy exam, even threatening to burn the bar to the ground because he places his son’s personal journey so highly. He also goes to Garak to have Nog’s cadet uniform made personally, which is just about the cutest moment in the show.

Our union, united, will never be divided Rom proves to be a champion of the laborer in “Bar Association” when he starts up a union for Quark’s bar to fight for better pay and working conditions. Again, it’s another practice that’s illegal under Ferengi law, but that doesn’t stop Rom (even when it gets Quark attacked), who rallies his band of waiters and Dabo girls together with confidence we’ve never seen before.

Number one dads! We don’t get a lot of scenes between Sisko and Rom, the two best dads of the station (sorry Miles, but neither of these proud papas left their child to die in the woods). When Jake and Nog are quarreling over their odd-couple habits in “The Ascent”, the two fathers concoct a scheme to get them to talk out their problems and be friends again by pretending there are no other quarters available.

Do I have a reason to stay? Maybe it’s because Lewis Zimmerman comes across as such a cretin, but it feels like a victory when Rom asks Leeta out at the end of “Dr. Bashir, I Presume?” and she decides to stay at the station instead of leaving to become Dr. Z’s sex object. Even though everyone already knew she’d say yes, it takes him the whole episode to muster the courage, but let’s take the win.

Self-replication. That’s the only answer. Rom’s contradictory character traits are nothing if not fascinating. Sure, he couldn’t find a cup of water if you dropped him in a lake, but he still comes up with the ingenious idea to have the cloaked minefield also be self-replicating to take on the Dominion in “Call to Arms.” Moments of sheer brilliance like this make Rom a character of simultaneous simplicity and complexity.

I walk through minefields Rom’s profound bravery is on display during season six when he works with the resistance to undermine the Dominion occupation. And it all caps off with “Sacrifice of Angels.” Rom may not have had time to prevent Damar from taking down the minefield, but he still sabotages their weapons array, giving the prophets the time they needed to save the day.

We’re not commandos, we’re negotiators What could have simply been a farcical play on The Seven Samurai or The Magnificent Seven gets a fresh take when Rom has a rare epiphany in “The Magnificent Ferengi”. The Ferengi don’t have the chops for fighting (except for Leck, whom we love), and Rom points out that they should treat the release of Moogie as a business deal, something more in their wheelhouse.

A kinder, gentler Nagus Rom’s entirely hyperbolized character arc concludes with him becoming Grand Nagus in “The Dogs of War.” Sure, it’s definitely entirely out of nepotism because his mother had put him there, and she’s also definitely going to be the one ostensibly in charge because she can pull his strings, but what a journey! And he’s so magnanimous about it that he even gives the bar back to Quark!

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Worst moments

Not next to that human boy. I don’t want you to have anything to do with him. Onto the bad stuff! In “A Man Alone,” Rom doesn’t even have the caricatured voice yet, but does start the series with all the typical toxic Ferengi values. It takes a battle for him to agree to let Nog attend Keiko’s classroom, and even when he does, his anti-hooman racism shows when he won’t let Nog sit with Jake, just as Sisko didn’t want his son hanging out with that Ferengi trash either.

Now go to your room. And no studying. A few episodes later, Rom pulls Nog from Keiko’s school in “The Nagus” after getting criticized by Zek for allowing his son to learn from a hooman female. It’s one of Rom’s biggest faults (and Quark’s too): his preoccupation with displaying as a typical, profitable Ferengi even among people for whom their value system is hot garbage. Rom at least eventually overcomes it.

Rom’s. Nice name for a bar, don’t you think? Another case to make that point: Rom becomes the lackey of Zek’s son Krax and helps in the attempt to kill off Quark in “The Nagus.” It’s not until later that we see more brotherly love, one-sided though it may seem. But this early in the show, Rom is much more of a typical Ferengi, obsessed with amassing power, fame, and fortune above all else.

Ferengi, Romans, Countrymen: Lend me your ears We here at the podcast really rooted for Pel in “Rules of Acquisition,” a female who really has the lobes to break free of the government’s oppression of her gender. So when Rom outs her to Quark as a female (after a scene way too comically goofy of him literally looking through Pel’s socks to find incriminating evidence), we can’t help but start siding against him, the dirty rat.

You know, come to think of it, my ear’s bothering me too Like I did with the Quark post, I will call out all the uncomfortable uses of oo-mox whenever the show sinks to such a level. We see Rom trying to trick Faith Garland into giving him oo-mox in “Little Green Men” – while his son is actively getting it! – and I just find it so gross. For how much oo-mox is played up to be a sexual act in this show, this is sexual assault, plain and simple.

Too. Much. Oo-mox. And to make things grosser, we get even more oo-mox references a couple episodes later in “Bar Association” when we learn that Rom has given himself an ear infection from too much oo-mox. And it’s self-inflicted. So basically what we’ve learned from this scene is that Rom masturbates so much that he gives himself an infection, a detail I wish I never had to learn.

Even. More. Oo-mox. I’ve got one more oo-mox mention to get out of my system because I’m just so angry every time it comes up. Literally right after Rom has admitted to rubbing his ears raw to Leeta in “Bar Association” and she shows some sympathy for him, his response is to request oo-mox from her! They’re not even dating at this point! It’s disgusting. I hate it. Minus a hundred points.

The better to hear you with Speaking of Leeta, it’s exactly a season after this that Rom finally asks her out in “Dr. Bashir, I Presume?” (as we mentioned above!). But! This is a) after we learn that his first wife Prinadora swindled him on their wedding extension contract like a chump, and b) after we watch him literally tuning his ear to eavesdrop on Leeta and Zimmerman’s conversation. And somehow he still never gets the hint she’s into him. Like a chump!

If you liked it then you shoulda put a Bajoran earring on it I’m just gonna lump what a shitty partner Rom is to Leeta into one screed. In “Ferengi Love Songs,” he tries to make her sign a Waiver of Property and Profit just because Jadzia and Miles were teasing him about not being very Ferengi like. This after he started wearing a Bajoran-style earring, which strikes me as on the questionable side of cultural appropriation.

Later in “Call to Arms,” we see Rom trying to suggest Leeta’s wedding dress literally be a couple handkerchiefs and a loincloth (gross) and then once they’re married, he decides she’s leaving the station before the Dominion rolls in, without her getting a single say in her own life (more gross!). Why are all the men in this show so shit at relationships!?!?

You said the reward was twenty Shockingly, Rom’s incompetence hasn’t come up as much as I expected, but his ability to ruin things through miscommunication and shenanigans is on special display in “The Magnificent Ferengi.” He blurts out that Quark is cheating the other Ferengi out of reward money, riles up the rest of the team, and thus gets Keevan killed because he can’t keep big mouth shut.

Foul ball! I’m not alone in hating on the campy mess that is “Take Me out to the Holosuite” but Rom is so disruptively, dangerously bad at playing baseball that it warrants being on this list. How he makes it as far as he does in the tryouts only speaks to how terrible Sisko is at coaching. The guy breaks Quark’s damn head. That’s how bad he is. It goes past being funny to just being idiotic.

That’s why the lady is a scamp We have space for one more bad “Rom is a nincompoop” joke that doesn’t land. In “The Siege of AR-558,” we’re tortured with Rom’s deliberately atrocious cover of “The Lady Is A Tramp” just because Ira Behr really needed to shoehorn Vic Fontaine into as many of the final episodes as possible, and it shows because it’s just another lowbrow, asinine, bottom-feeding gag. Check that off the list.

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