#onlyonemoreyear

There is a medium establishing shot of a kitchen table. Flight of the Valkyries plays quietly. The camera slow pans until it settles on me, silently weeping in the corner. Flight of the Valkyries swells triumphantly as the camera pans once more, then zooms to a close up of my cat devouring the girthy bowl of granola and mayo I prepared myself for lunch. Credits Roll. There is no bloopers reel. There is no Flight of the Valkyries. There are only the quiet sobs of despair, and a somber, unending scroll of white Times New Roman on a black background.

IDK anything right now. What do I do with NK? What about BH and CK? Why don't I hang out with underclassmen? I don't care about people anymore. Why? DE is driving me insane. She treats people like crap and then smothers me! I'm unorganized. I procrastinate and have no discipline or commitment. I wanna eat right and exercise, but no bueno. I'm trying hard to be happy for MN and listen to MR talk about IC, but I can't do it anymore. I guess I'm jealous of MN. Not mad jealous, but I just want what she has and now I don't know what I want....I'm avoiding B cause...IDK why and I just wanna hang out with JG all day. Her and MN. I just want someone to tell me what I'm doing! I know You should be the most important, but that's obviously not happening. 

The first weekend B and JG came over. We had fun and talked. B was listening to music and turned into thinking mode. He ended up telling us that he had almost killed himself this summer. He was driving though Houston to his dad's listening to my mix. God that freaks me out. He was listening to something I made him when he almost died! It freaked me out. It bonded us though. Bam was pretty stand offish for the first few weeks. Now were all good though. The first month was pretty up and down. 

Anyway, school started. B came back and for the first week I didn't know how our friendship would be. We both didn't really know what to say. I still like him even now, but I'm happy with how close we are now. Oh ok, so he went out with MT for like four days and they broke up. [He and DE also made out WHILE she was dating EB] He likes JG. JG was dating JH, but B liked her too much to be dating MT. Now JG and B are both broken up, but he and JG aren't dating. It was weird with JG and me at first cause we both knew it would be weird with DE, NM, me and her. 

Wow, it's been a while God. 2 months almost exactly. So much has changed and happened. MN came home two weeks before school started. Me, MN, and DE had a blast. Me and MN bonded again so fast. We played tennis and just chilled for two weeks. She's gorgeous. Wow. We all went and stayed at the lake house for a weekend and totally bonded. It was so much fun! JN and MN were "talking." BH and CK backed off when MN came and we haven't really hung out since. They won't hang out with the people I hang out with so...

I didn't really know what what to think of JG at first. She seemed fine and happy with life at camp. Now I don't really know how exactly this whole hero complex thing works yet God, JG and I have fun. When we hang out we laugh and blah blah blah but the core of our friendship comes from our deep conversations which involve b-ball and most of the time JG's stuff with AD. Which is fine with me. But I guess what I'm saying is that the core of our friendship is based on her having problems. When she likes a guy and is eating and worried about all that stuff she's fine. I guess its like I don't feel needed anymore. I'm not not sure how to fix that. 

DE and I stayed up talking on the phone [she wouldn’t let me sleep in case I had a concussion] from 10:10 (10:09:57) til 2:13 am. We talked about everything under the sun. DE said that at about 2 I stated getting weird and saying stupid things, but whatever! LOL I ate food, watched a movie, cleaned my room, and rode the exercise bike for like 2 1/2 hours! I weighed myself today and I had lost 4lbs! anyway at like 4 I started cleaning and washing up for work, but mom came in at 4:30 and was like, M what are you doing up? I tried to tell her my clock was wrong and that I’d just gotten up too early, but she kept asking all these questions. I left at 5:10 to drop by DE’s before work. She talked to me while I drove so I wouldn’t fall asleep and I chilled at her house for a few minutes. Work was crazy. I was like sleepwalking and hallucinating.  It was so bad! After work mom met me at the thrift store and as acting suspicious. Eventually, she asked me what was up. I tried to lie again, but to no avail. Finally she was just like, M tell me what’s up. So I told her everything. She was ok with it. I mean she said that our trust was broken, but she wasn’t mad and she could tell I learned my lesson. She also said she wouldn’t tell DE’s parents at all or at least until DE’s court date. I went home and tanned and slept til 9. It felt so good. I told DE my parents knew and she was like okay. We were both kinda relieved actually. I can’t believe DE stayed up with me all night. Every half hour at least, DE sent me a text or called me to make sure I was okay. She had so much going on, but took the time to make sure I was okay. She’s just as tired as I am, but made sure I was okay first. I don’t think very many of my friends would do that. I knew MN would. JG might have stayed up with me, but idk if she would have texted and called me so much. NM would and so would MR. CK might. BH def would. IDK this whole thing has really made me think.

So me, CB, and DE went to play tennis at Mckees. Well, me, DE, and CB have this thing where we we wanna sneak into the Mckee pool late on night while it's closed and swim in it. So after a few mins of tennis we climb over the fence and jumped in. I wasn't worried. No one could see us and no ones gonna come up there so....no bid deal right? Well we were just chillin in the pool when I was like hey, I'm gonna go jump off the lifeguard stand into the water. So I jump off the one in the shallow end. It was kinda fun, but then I see the one in the 8ft section. I swim over there and climb up. I was contemplating doing a flip, but decided on a dive instead. Right before i jump in CB goes, “Be careful, don’t hit your head.” Okay I say. I go up in a swan divined concentrate on keeping my legs straight and going in smoothly. I go gliding through the water and next thing I know, my head slams into the bottom of the pool. Somehow, I flip over really fast and shoot to the top. My eyes were open on the way up and everything started to spin. I knew I had to get to the top or I’d pass out in the water. My face broke the surface and I yelled, “Holy Shit!” and put around and grabbed the side of the pool. CB and DE started laughing. I found out later that they had been joking about how bad it would be if I hit my head and passed out. Anyway, they kept laughing nervously and told me to swim over to them. So I went. We were all freaked out, but we calmed down and started to get out of the pool. We were really nervous about bing there all of a sudden. But before I climbed out, DE was like, “M let me see your head.” She looks at it and goes, “OMG you have a huge bald spot!” I thought she was kidding, but then CB agreed. So we quickly climbed out and went in [the bathroom] for a better look. Sure enough, a huge chuck of my hair had fallen out. It looked like someone had buzzed it off. By this time, I was pretty freaked out. DE was still laughing (because she laughs when she’s nervous and/or scared). Then we found the chunk of my hair that had fallen out. It was huge. I started screaming and shaking. We threw it away and ran outside to leave. Then the payphone outside of the building started to ring. Yeah the payphone. It was like a scary movie. I’m still worried it my have been security teling us to leave and I hope they didn’t get the plate number on my car. We went back to DE’s and changed cloths. Then we combed my hair so you couldn’t see the bald spot. We were all a nervous wreck. How do we get out of this?