#onlydustandshadows

                 The day was no different from the others except that Illeana was gone. He was not really sure why, but she needed to visit Alex and stay with her over night. Maybe she was pregnant? Oh God.  Wincing at the image which suddenly appeared in his mind, Frederick shook his head; his feet taking him to his office where he was planning to open up the windows and simply drag in smokes of cigarette or two.

         But before he could even place his hand on the handle of the door, Frederick heard a loud, screaming weep in the room right next to where he was standing, making him grimace and let out a long, tired sigh. Ever since Illeana was packing up her nightgown, the little girl started stirring in her sleep, whimpering as though something bad was happening. She first started crying at the same moment the main door closed behind his wife. And although the chief inspector managed to calm her down – after half an hour of lullabies and shushing – it appeared that for Evelyn this wasn’t enough.

          “What’s wrong, darling?” His cooing voice resounded in the nursery as soon as he stepped in, sad and tired eyes taking in the view of puffy red face of his daughter, standing up and holding onto the side of her crib with unsteady arms.

           It took him another twenty minutes to calm her down enough for him to feel confident to lay her down, yet as soon as he did just that, Evelyn’s face screwed up in a pained grimace, sobs once again echoing over the silent apartment.

           {Fixing his tie for the fifth time, Frederick made its way over the ever so talkative crowd which was now occupying most of the space in the main hall of his and Illeana’s mansion. This was not what he enjoyed – to say at least – and he could feel his mood dropping down every time someone stopped him to engage him in chatter about the way one of the other people looked tonight. Yet he still kept a smile firmly glued to his face, knowing that this was not about him right now – this was the night dedicated purely to his daughter.}

              {Checking over the servants in the kitchen, the food they were preparing, the quality of vine they were serving and the process of placing finishing decoration’s on the birthday cake was much more enjoyable way of spending his time than within the circle of aristocracy outside the kitchen, laughing, smoking and gulping down the vine. He didn’t mind the smoking – not really, but he proffered it doing alone, without people tiring his brain with talks about everything and nothing.

        Raising his eyes up towards the clock, Frederick furrowed his brow gently, knowing that soon the time will come for him and Illeana to finally present their daughter to the entire world. But was she ready yet? The last time he’s seen of either of his women was when they were heading towards the bathroom to get themselves prepared. God knows, he probably won’t be allowed there, just like he wasn’t allowed in Illeana’s room on their wedding night. Didn’t mean that it stopped him from sneaking in, though.

                                                         “No. I’m warning you.”

            His voice was dangerously low, dark eyes set to their coldest shade as he stood in front of the door, blocking the path for Illeana to go through. Although his initial thoughts were to try and solve their newest fight peacefully now he had no other chance than to do this. He didn’t want her to leave, he would be a fool if he would want to and he would be even more of an idiot if he would allow a couple of misplaced words to ruin what they had built up.

             “You leave and everything will be over. You won’t hear another word from me.” He hated doing this. Ultimatums were not something he loved doing, but if he lets her walk now, no one knows what can happen. Shit, the last time he didn’t catch her in time she ended up in a hospital for five fucking weeks. He is not going to risk everything for an argument again.

                                                                                  Oh, well that’s just great.

              With a heavy sigh, Frederick pushed himself away from her, falling onto his back against the mattress. Even with his eyes closed he could tell that her palm was firmly pressed against her mouth as she scurried down to the bathroom.

               Apparently he had forgotten to cover himself in the cologne she brought for him right after he showered twenty minutes ago. Ever since Frederick once again had managed to knock her up, Illeana’s heightened senses could not stand the scent of his skin. Although he had no idea how he smelled without cologne clinging to his skin, he never thought that his odor was bad. Maybe he was thinking wrongfully.

    He made a promise that he won’t.

              It was a middle of the night and those words slipped from her lips unexpectedly as he was already half asleep, his nose comfortably hidden in her hair. “What?” He had muttered then, his eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly at the same time he picked up his head to catch even a tiniest glimpse of her face and what was happening underneath the emerald hues. She had only repeated her demand silently, her gaze fixed on the sight outside the window.

            “I won’t.” Even though his voice still sounded as if it was wrapped in a soft blanket of a whisper, determination was also audible in his short promise. He wouldn’t be able to let her die, he would die himself.

And after all, he was older than her, if one of them were to go it was him. It had to be him.

                                                                                                                                       It wasn’t him.

            He still can’t wrap his mind around what had happened all those years ago. It was too quick, too harsh. It was out of his control. And no matter how he begged her to stay, how harshly he demanded from the medics to fix her, it was all over within a moment. She was over. Their marriage and family-…over, dead.

             He was so damn stupid that he had made another promise, before he made the one for Illeana. A week before she demanded from him not to let her die, Naida tugged out a promise of him to never leave. And if she wouldn’t have reminded of that for him now he wouldn’t be sitting in the middle of the night by Illeana’s grave, just like he did every night, single red rose grasped in his fingers, no. He would be resting next to her, six feet underneath the ground.

He can’t leave but he hates living without her.

awwh. she wouldn’t answer, just taking her hand and pulling her toward frederick haha

esrdtfzghu omg what if she’d throw the knife at something, like a fly? Illeana’d only stare at the dead bug in horror fzguhij