#on self-doubt

A little doubt, a little skepticism, a little second-guessing is good because it helps us weight risks, craft plans, and no act too rashly. But like any woman raised  and living under our misogynistic circumstances, you’ve been taught to chronically not believe in yourself, in your own mind, in your own powers of reasoning, in your own thoughts and emotions.

That’s bullshit. You have every right to exist and to have opinions and to make decisions — even if your opinions are misguided and your decisions are flawed. And that boils down to two things:

You don’t have to apologise for existing.

You’re allowed to make mistakes.

Both of these are complementary if you want to relax around your own existence and display the confidence you should — rightfully — have. You can take up space; you should take up space. You are entitled to your own opinions and thoughts and reactions and emotions. There’s no right or wrong way to react to things or to think, as in there is no reason that we should all think the same way or hold the same emotional response to a set stimuli. You don’t have to fit expected responses, you don’t have to conform, and disagreement is not a sin. Basically, you don’t have to apologise for existing. People might want you to, but nothing compels you morally to do so. You are allowed to exist. You need to recognise it, internalise it, make it yours instead of a foreign concept. Allow yourself to take up some space. Life is big enough to accommodate you.

The second thing makes it easier to stop worrying about wether or not you should doubt yourself. You’re allowed to make mistakes. In the majority of cases, these mistakes won’t kill or hurt anyone. They might mean that you need to devote more time and energy to something, but they are not life threatening. Failing is not the end of the world. Failure, making mistakes, are important parts of the learning process and sometimes, they can be the best thing that happen to you. Work on making mistakes, make them purposefully to demystify the whole experience. Mistakes are just another part of life, one you don’t need to be uncomfortable with. I know I sound sort of flippant here, but I do know how hard it is to let go of the thought that any mistake will ruin your life and make you worthless. It doesn’t. You need to live in the initial discomfort of making mistakes, and it will wear off after a time. Anyways, embrace making mistakes.

It’s a long road, it’s an habit that you need to give shape to and adopt. Going through the world knowing that you deserve to exist. Knowing that you can and should take up space. You will get there.

Finally, you mentioned “people [who] are so confident, even when they’re saying dumb shit, and nothing seems to affect them, they just don’t care” and honestly I don’t think we should base our notion of confidence around men (what you’re describing is textbook men behaviour anon, you don’t have to say people). Men lack the humility and ability to care that distinguish confidence from arrogance. You don’t want to live as if you’re entitled to the labour and time of everyone around you and that everything is owed to you; you want to live with the assurance that your life and your opinions have value. They do. Just work on being unapologetically yourself, and the self-doubt you will retain will become a useful tool for assessment and self-improvement, not a dreaded, nagging voice.