#oliviabensonxreader

Summary: When an frustrated Olivia Benson, who can usually do everything, fails to set up the baby bed, her pregnant wife has to help.

Authors note: Okay, the dog scene seems like an full blown exaggeration, but those are the words of my best friend, who is terrified of dogs.

"You're lucky you chose to pick a fight with my partner and not me." you belted towards the attacker after you sprinted around the corner to help your partner out of his tight spot. Finn was laying on the floor, twisted in pain, holding his costal arch while the muscular guy above him had already set the metal bar to strike. "Too bad I am here now and I am not very happy about what you did to him."

The suspect laughed out loud as he slowly lowered the bar over his head. "Have you looked at yourself?" he asked you loosely, but you noticed from his stand and the repeated clasping of the bar that he was insecure and nervous. His hands were sweaty and slipped down the handle. He tried to make you feel insecure with his words and his firm voice but however, it didn't do a thing to you. "You have no chance against me!"

While you distracted the younger man in front of him by talking, Odafin had already started to crawl to the side of the alley and pushed himself contorted with pain against the brick wall as he looked back and forth between the two of you.

He was worried about you when he scanned his opponent from top to bottom. He was around 190lbs and definitely had more on his ribs than you with your petite body. You had the advantage of a gun, but Finn knew you wouldn't use it - in all these years he had known you, you were always a person who tried everything else before you took up a gun.

Your partner had already requested backup, silently and quietly without you noticing. It wouldn't be long before you could get help, Amanda, Olivia and Carisi were only a few blocks away. If it didn't look good to you, you just had to hold it off.

But he hadn't expected what came next.

Instead of keeping him engaged, you continued to provoke him and Finn shook his head in horror. "You wanna bet that I will beat up your ass?" you asked with a mischievous laugh and stepped a bit closer to him, knowing that the best method to defend yourself against a punch or kick was to be close to the attacker so they couldn't build up any destructive power.

You didn't show him any signs of fear because you weren't. Your heart was pounding in your chest with the adrenaline rush that run through your veins, your body was shaking with excitement and the urge to force him to the ground - too much time had passed since the last time.

"You don't have a chance."

You let out another laugh and pulled your arms with a skillful movement from below to the bar that he still had a firm grip on, he couldn't look and realize what was happening as fast as you were. Your hands were now placed on the outsides of his and your knee met the middle of his abdomen.

While he was focused on the pain in his midst, you twisted the metal clockwise from his hands and you had him disarmed in seconds. "Bitch."

He hit near your face, contorted with pain, but you ducked with a quick reflex and he hit into the air. With the force that he had in his movement, which had no effect, he turned a little and lost his secure hold. That was an advantage for you.

Your shoulder line was pointing at your opponent to achieve your maximum strength in this position. You jabbed him right in the face, followed by a kick with your protruding foot in the side with such a strength, that he fell against the garbage can that was behind him.

"Hey partner, if there is any stress with the captain, I can count on you, can't I?" you asked with relish and blew the air deeply out of your lungs before moving away from the attacker. You walked up to Finn slowly and reached out a hand to help him up.

He looked at you with his eyes and mouth wide open, almost irritated by your relaxed manner; not saying a single word. He had never seen you like this before, he always thought you were an innocent girl. Almost having him on both feet, his hands reached the top of your shoulders, tearing you around so you could see what was happening behind you.

The man in front of you pulled himself up again after a few seconds of complete incomprehension and you rolled your eyes in boredom. He looked at you angrily, his nose bleeding and his face bright red. Judging by his gaze, he no longer understood the world, how could a small, petite woman destroy him so much?

As he ran up to you angrily, he wiped the traces of blood under his nose away before lashing out again. Immediately you stabilized your base and put your stronger leg back. Your wrist stopped at his elbow and pushed it away while the other arm reached over his wrist to slide it down - letting him punch into nothing again.

In order not to be able to use the arm any longer, you held it tightly in your grip and twisted it. The leg that you had previously put back, swung around and hit him right in the groin before you let it fall to the floor, blocking his foot so he fell.

With pressure you had one of his arms on his back and pressed him against the nearest wall. "I think that was enough exercise at once, thanks for playing the dummy." you sighed heavily.

He still tried to defend himself convulsively so you pulled all his balance out of his legs with a skillful kick in the back of his knees and he fell to the floor, where you sat on him, your shin between his shoulder blades before you looked up.

Your friends stood in front of you and tried to understand and assess the image that was going on in front of them. "How much did you guys see?" you laughed and pressed your shin even tighter into him as he tried to whine out of your grip. Carisi dared to move first to take the troubled man from under you and to accompany him to his car. "Enough." mumbled the brunette of the squad as she walked over to you, put two fingers under your chin and examined your face more closely for injuries.

Amanda had meanwhile joined Finn and put an arm on his back to get the injured man into her car and take him to the hospital. "What the hell happened?"

"Y/n is karate kid!" he called out and looked at you gratefully and proudly. "She kicked his ass so badly. That was unbelievable!"

Olivia let go of your face and you stared at her grinning while she squeezed her right eye tight together and looked at you insistently but impressed. She didn't know the combative side of you and tried to understand how she hadn't noticed in all the years in which she worked with you that you possessed such abilities.

Olivia Benson x Reader - Rabbit Hole (Chapter I)

---

"Detective Y/L/N. Long time not seen."

A cold chill ran down your spine and you froze in the middle of your movement. Your heart started pumping like a machine gun, your stomach went sore at that all-too-familiar voice. Your hands began to shake uncontrollably and let the coffee cup in them spill over while a huge lump formed in your throat.

How did he managed to find you?

Slowly you turned around, trying not to show him that you were still afraid of him after years. You stood with both feet firmly on the floor of your second home while you crossed one arm in front of your chest and put on a stern look.

"Don't you want to say hello to your husband?" he asked with a big grin and stretched out his arms to you. Disgusted, you closed your eyes and tilted your head slightly to Olivia's office in hope she would notice that something was wrong as you tried to hold back your fear and keep your though side on.

"Ex-Husband," all the pictures and memories came flashing and you swallowed hard. "How would you like it? Should I spit you in the face or shoot you right away as an welcome present?"

He wasn't happy with your answer.

He tilted his head on his left side and bit his lip as an indicator of keeping his anger under control; his vein on his temple throbbing. Both arms were straight up against his stocky build and his fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

"Be careful what you say, bitch." he whispered under his breath through clenched teeth and took a step towards you.

"Henry, I am not afraid of you anymore." As soon as you noticed, you also took a step back so that the distance between you was still the same, so you felt less attacked. "I want you to leave, now!"

It came out in a somewhat louder tone than you'd like it to be, your voice got lost and sounded insecure, shaken. To him, it was the confirmation of your still fulfilled fear and submission that you tried to hide but failed.

A silent mischievous grin escaped his lips and made you freeze to death inside. Your heart started to beat faster until you felt it in your throat, it stalled a few times and you took a deep breath.

"Y/N, what's going on here?" a feminine, calm voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you stared at her in confusion. "I-he..eh." She raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth slightly to say something.

However, you stared at the troubled man in front of you. His dark brown eyes were full of hatred towards you and they still penetrated the inside of you, as if he would gutt you from the inside out. With that look he forced you to lie even if you didn't wanted to, as if he had the power to control you.

"Nothing, Captain. Everything is fine." you answered her, but did not look a milisecond away from his eyes.

The brown haired looked back and forth between the two of you and tried to see through the situation and understand what was going on. She recognized your body language and it spoke volumes, she had never seen you so scared and frightened. She had never seen you so far from reality. "You should really go, Mr..?"

His fists relaxed and his eyes turned away from you. As if the forces of his power were pulling out of you like a knife, you took a deep breath and leaned your lower back against your desk while you slid to Olivia's side, slightly relieve like a puppy trying to find shelter.

While your Captain held her fixed gaze and professional neutral demeanor, your ex husband held out a hand and smiled at her. Reluctantly, she put hers in his and waited for his answer. "Wood. Henry Wood."

Visibly shocked, her jaw dropped. Immediately she pulled her hand away from him and instead placed one on your back as a way to show you that she was by your side. She knew from the various stories you told her that he was unscrupulous, but that he would come to your workplace in broad daylight to break you, she had never been able to imagine.

"Can someone get Mr. Wood out of here and make sure he can't step into the presidium one more time?" she asked all the police officers around her and immediately two were willing to escort him out.

As soon as he had bypassed the corner of the exit and was out of your sight, you put a hand over your mouth, squeezed past Olivia and ran into the ladies room where you immediately said goodbye to your breakfast in the garbage can.

The brunette had run after you, she knew what such a situation could do with the body and was at your side in no time as she kept your hair out of your face, caressing your back and stood close to you while you freed yourself from your inner burden. "It's okay, let it out honey."

---

After that incident, Olivia tried to get you to talk and take time off from work, at least for a few days to cope with the repeatedly inflamed trauma. But you rejected everything in a flash, you didn't like to be alone with your thoughts and overwhelming feelings; you knew what you were capable of in this situation.

And you didn't wanted to trip over this hole again and fall into it, you barely survived the last time.

Once you sat shivering in Olivia's office, she eased her poking around the topic and let you go back to work, but watched you closely and was ready to be next to you if she noticed or felt that a wave of negative thoughts overflew you or you started to have a panic attack.

She knew your difficult past with your ex and also your subsequent crash into alcohol consumption; she didn't wanted to lose you so she had to be careful and give you a hand early enough to hold on to. You were worth the effort for her.

Your boss had canceled all outdoor activities for you so that she would have you close to her, you were quiet for the rest of the working hours and tried to avoid everyone on your team by burying yourself in paperwork. There was too much on your head for you to concentrate on the words of your family now.

You were afraid for your life, he wouldn't give up.

---

Exhausted, you walked the last few meters to your apartment and were happy to be in your safe four walls. Olivia had offered you that you could sleep at hers tonight but you refused with thanks, not wanting to get her involved in your problems, she had a son to look after.

However, that didn't stop her to drive you home.

Just when you were about to send her a thank you message, everything was going too fast. A firm grip on your neck made you drop your cellphone from your hand in shock and you were thrown against the wall at a good speed.

Panting in panic and clasping your hands around the wrists that held you, hoping they would let go, you looked up.

A/N: TRIGGER WARNING! READING AT YOUR OWN RISK! CONTAINS MENTION OF SUICIDE; DEPRESSION AND SELF HARM.

---

"Babe, tell me. What was going on up there today?" Olivia said softly as she gently tied the last piece of bandage around your wrist. Two fingers of her other hand brushed a strand from your emotionless, frozen face, which was looking at the ground; as a sign that she meant your thoughts.

"Those waves that destroyed my castles are hurricanes today." you stuttered as your tears began to build up in your eyes once again. "Depression is an ocean and currently I am drowing. My lungs slowly fill with water and I don't know if I can swim much further."

She stopped in her movements. Her hands fell on your lap and stroked your knees soothingly before she left her crouch and slowly joined you on the couch. "Honey.." as she crossed her legs, her arm had fallen over your shoulder and was pressing you closer to her. "If you can't swim anymore, let me be your anchor. Hold onto me as long as you need to build enough strength until you can continue to swim."

While your face disappeared into her blouse and you began to sob heavily, your hands searched for parts of her leather jacket to grab something tight. Inside you was a raging storm that you had not prepared for. You wanted to scream and cry and throw up. You wanted to have a temper tantrum; you were so full of emotion. You wanted to scream at the top of your lungs but the only thing that came out was silence. "I am suffocating beneath the water surface and I try to look up through the waves but I can't reach it."

Her arms tightened around you. She was aware that there wasn't much she could do other than listen to you and let you speak your feelings out. She couldn't let the emotional chaos in you disappear, she could only be there for you and show you that you weren't alone. That she would always stand by you, no matter what should come.

"I am tied up by chains, sinking to the bottom like a rock of this endless sea," you mumbled and looked up to her; your bloodshot eyes met her dark, hazel-colored eyes that had also begun to fight back tears. "and I am so tired, Liv. So, so tired."

"I know that you are tired. But you have to keep fighting. Try to look into the future and see how you could turn everything you are going through into strength." One of her hands reached to your head to gently place it back on her chest. With slight squeeze, she pushed herself off the couch to that she got from a sitting into a slight lying positon. "Maybe I deserve this. The pain in my chest and the darkness in my soul.. maybe I.."

But you were interrupted in the middle of the sentence. Olivia was honored that you talked to her and she fully understood all of this, she had gone through it herself. However, she knew where the sentence would lead and what you wanted to say. And she didn't want to hear that, she couldn't.

"Woah, Y/n. Stop. No, I won't allow that." To hear, that you saw all bad in you as a kind of monster and that you deserve everything black and bad in the world.. She forbade hearing it from you. "See how far you have come. All the days, weeks and months that you have suffered.. Do you just want to give them up and declare them for nothing?"

"No."

"Then fight. You are the strongest person I have met in my life. You have experienced and survived so much that I would put my hand.. even my whole body in the fire for you because I know that you can manage this situation too." the brunette stated with a strong tone and made you smile for a brief moment. "Fight with me at your side. Fight for our future."

"How did I deserve you? Why do you love someone like me with depression and all the scars?" you asked nervously as the fingers of your healthy hand started to play with the bandage off the other.

She gasped sadly and put her hand over your bandaged skin to prevent your gimmicks. She brushed it once and then pulled it carefully up to her. With weak but still sensible kisses, she slipped along the already healed scars beneath the cotton fabric.

"Loving someone who is depressed is like London. It is the most beautiful city in the world, but it rains every day." she mumbled into the kisses when she stopped and looked at you intently. "I love the rain. But what I love more than rain is you, with all your rough edges. With all your mistakes and your problems." Your hand slowly slipped into hers, and your fingers locked together.

You smiled again and tears welled up in your eyes - this time not out of despair and sadness but as gratitude and happiness. You didn't know how you managed to have a woman like that by your side and you had no idea how you deserved her. You only knew that you were grateful for her and for every single moment that you could enjoy with her.

A short amount of time went by in which you just lay there, Olivia gently stroking your hair and kissing it every now and then while you were still resting on her chest, listening to her heart beat and keeping your eyes closed in comfort.

The warmth that Olivia exuded and the calm that she carried around her had a calming effect on your feelings and thoughts. If she was with you, they were dissolved and gone. "Babe, are you awake?"

"Mhm.." your comfortable position disappeared as she slowly lifted your head from her and stood up. Your eyes opened slowly; they were heavy from all the spilled tears and the lack of sleep you endured.

"Next time you want to cut yourself, you are going to take my wrist and cut me as many times you would to yourself."

Now you were suddenly wide awake and quickly sat up straight. You raised and eyebrow and looked at her inquiringly; you had no idea if she just said that or if your head was starting to play pranks on you again. "Liv, I can't do that. Never. I won't."

"Why?"

Your mouth opened in disbelief. How could she ever think you could hurt her? You loved her, you could never do that. "Are you crazy?" Now it was your turn to pull her hands into yours and intertwine your fingers with hers.

"I love you, I would never do that to you. I don't want to see you bleeding and I couldn't hurt you like that."

Henry yanked a fistful of your hair and you shrieked in response. Pain shot throughout your scalp and you screamed - you tried convulsive to get away from his tight grip on your hair but the harder you tried to swaddle yourself out, the more he held on and yanked you back in his direction.

Roughly, he dragged you in your apartment along to the living room and threw you forcefully to the ground.

You fell on the small table next to the couch and tore the lamp that was standing on it with you. It shattered into small pieces and when you hit the shards with your hands, they cut wounds into your palms.

Contorted with pain and blood smeared hands, you closed your eyes; the sting that was kindled up to your forearms felt like an inferno. But you got up again, wiping your bloody hands on your jeans before looking at him, your eyes stinging with tears that started to built up in them. You couldn't get on the ground that easily. "What do you want from me?" you screamed frantic.

"Didn't I tell you that you can never leave me?" Henry walked towards you with clenched fists and quick steps and slapped your cheek with the full force of his palm. Your head was thrown aside and instantly you held the spot where it hurt from the hard skin contact.

Before you could fix your gaze on him, his cold and long fingers already wrapped around your neck, the air dwindling with more force that he applied.

"Let go," You whimpered in pain, crying for mercy, begging for his slight forgiveness. "Please."

The corners of his mouth widened into a grin before he ended in a dark and deeply intimidating laughter, continuing to exert his force on your throat. Once more he pressed you against the wall he had pushed you against before his grip loosened and his fingers snuggled over your face.

Henry stopped at your chin, grabbing it with a firm grip as he moved your face closer to his, feeling his hot breath on your ear. "You belong to me." he whispered to you.

"Let me alone, I don't want you anymore!" you screamed of the top of your lungs as you tried to desperately push him away. You saw your chance and gave him a headbutt that caused him to fall back. Grunted, he held his nose and you saw the blood coming straight from it.

You knew that if you didn't escaped now, it would be your end and Olivia would find you dead in your living room.

As fast as you could, you propped yourself up against the wall and got up, ran towards the door and opened it. But he was faster; throwing himself with his full body mass onto the door.

Fighting, you stood by the door, hoping that in that moment you were stronger than him. You tried to open the door before he broke away from it and it flew open; hitting you in the face and let you fall on the ground.

Immediately the blood began to flow, as if it had opened a tap. Blind with pain, you now stayed on the floor and put your arm under your nose, wanting to stop the flow of blood.

You saw your current fight as lost.

With a time delay you felt how a small explosive device exploded behind your eyes and with the pressure wave that blew up around your nose, the pain worked it's way from the inside out. The burning in your head turned into a shrill scream that escaped your mouth.

You found yourself in a state in which you had always visualized yourself shortly before your death: at the mercy of yourself, shortly before passing out, bleeding.

You heard his increasing despair as his voice changed. As the volume and anger increased, it had grown powerful and younger. "That's what you get out of trying to leave me, Y/n. I will kill you bitch!"

His gruesome laugh mixed with something metallic clicking, it hit you on your temple and put you out of action.

You'd never get out of here alive.

---

Olivia was standing at the red light when her cell phone flashed and a new text message from you popped up on her screen. Smiling, she took the electronic device into one hand, while her other still held the steering wheel, and swiped down to read your message.

"Thank you for bringing me homlkyso"

The brunette frowned and watched your message for a while before the horns of the drivers behind her signaled that the green light was already on and that she was obstructing the traffic. She quickly put her phone down and drove off, her thoughts still hanging questioningly on you in the hope that it was just a mistake and that you would text her again right away to correct yourself.

But nothing came.

The overwhelming feeling in her stomach and the rising nausea persisted and Olivia promptly made her park on a free verge to call you right in front of her apartment.

But her ringing went on forever until your voicemail stepped in for you and the slight panic spread in Olivia and let her heart beat faster. In the back of her mind, she still had the incident from this afternoon and the feeling that something was wrong crept more and more into the foreground.

With sweaty and nervous fingers she typed a message into the chat, hoping that you reacted to it and that you weren't in some hopeless situation or were drinking to suppress your feelings. "Message me, I am worried."

She waited; a minute, two minutes..

Then the 'online' flashed under your name and the hooks turned blue. A stone fell from her heart, relieved, and she took a deep breath, exhaling for quiet some time before longingly waiting for your answer.

"Everything's fine. Just dropped my phone as daft as I am. See you tomorrow, boss."

You seemed strange to her; your writing style was completely different, the heart at the end of a chat was nowhere to be seen and she noticed that you called her boss. Normally, you would wait for a reply from her before you went offline - but you were gone immediately after this short and clear text. Olivia's message only reached you with a hook.

Your phone was turned off.

She felt her own heartbeat, which went faster than usual while she listened to the sentences of her former Captain in her head: Always pay attention to your intuition. Nothing and no one can protect you as well as your inner voice, trained by life experience. And if your gut feeling and heart tell you that something is wrong, then it's right.

An involuntarily she nodded. The voice in her head that writhed through her thoughts grew louder and yelled at her. It didn't help her to threw and press her hands against the steering wheel, she couldn't silence it with anything.

"Stop it, now!" Olivia grumbled to herself and shook her head. She knew, that she was just worried about you sliding away from her and you were fine, just had to take a break. She'd dropped you off at home and she didn't think your ex husband knew where you lived in the first place.

She laughed at her own unreasonableness and at the irrational worries triggered by her feelings and protectiveness for and over you, the long working hours, the repeated trauma of yours and your writing -she would ask you about it tomorrow.