#old dude

it is canon that slush speeds all the time everywhere except school zones and neighborhoods. if you speed in school zones he automatically hates you because speeding in school zones is dangerous for kids

slush absolutely loves kids with his whole heart. his parents treated him like absolute trash so he decided he was going to give this generation of oregon kids the best childhood memories he knows how. if you are mean to kids he will beat the life out of you until you apologize and when you apologize he'll send you off with a salute and a "WONDERHOY!!". you can't even call the police on him because they don't want to do anything about it. the police don't want you to be mean to kids either and they consider this a valid form of vigilante justice (this is mostly for the bit because i know there's no way this would ever happen)

this isn't just because i'm fixating on hetalia really hard again but his voice is alfred f jones. like pointblank that is what he sounds like. i didn't design him with the voice in mind, but it's the only one that fits him. he is a 32 year old man

he is genuinely considered to be like a local cryptid because only 1 specific stoner and his employees (who entirely consist of depressed teenagers he finds on the side of the road) know anything about why he's like this and the stoner and teenagers agreed not to tell anyone

hope that helps