#oikawa reader insert

Oikawa waited for his girl outside the locker room. She was one of the last to come out, and while the other players exited, all Oikawa could say was “you did a good job”. When Y/n came out, the first thing she did was hug her boyfriend. He hugged her back, trying to appear comforting, although he had many things to say. He got her bag and they walked outside. He would walk her home. The first 10 minutes were silent, Oikawa could see on her face that the defeat was still in her mind. But after that she became more talkative and jokey. That was what encouraged Oikawa to vocalise his thoughts. How could she be behaving like that after such a humiliating loss?  

“You know this is all your fault, right?” — that’s what Oikawa had to say. Being a setter, he couldn't help but notice how bad of a player his girl was. 

He sensed her stopping, and he looked back.

“What?” — was all she could muster.

“Yeah, you know it. All your attackers were blocked heavily. That’s the setter’s fault. Your sets were off and clearly predictable. It was a poorly done job.” 

“Tooru… why that?” — her voice and expression were filled with hurt, betrayal, insecurity.

“You know why, Y/n! I’m a great setter and we are in a relationship. There will be expectations and you should be able to meet them. I assumed you to the public, there will be eyes on you! And doing what you did today… you'll only be embarrassing yourself.”.

“I… I did my best!”. 

“Well, clearly your best isn't enough. Maybe think about today when you decide to skip practice like you always do. You're not good enough to give yourself these privileges.”.

She didn’t answer. She knows she shouldn’t. If that's what Oikawa was feeling about her technique, she knew he meant it with the best intentions. He was the best afterall. He let her back at her house before walking away. That night all she could think of was his words, and the game, and the blocks, and her missed serves. Disaster was all she could remember of that day. 

---

The next day, Y/n woke up earlier, much earlier than usual. Taking a volleyball, she went jogging to school. There, she trained her sets outside the gym. After a while the volleyball team boys arrived for the morning training. Her boyfriend spotted her. She was training, she wanted to improve. He was surprised. 

“Good morning, Y/n!” 

“Tooru…?” — she looks at him as she holds the volleyball, stopping the sets. “Are you training, baby?” — he asks as he hugs her from behind. She hardens at his touch.

“Yeah”

“Soo good um?” — he says, giving a peck on her cheek. — "I'll come help you when practice is over, okay?”. 

Y/n nods, not paying much attention to him, focusing on improving herself. Oikawa notices it. That’s why he leaves practice early and helps Y/n on her technique. At lunch, he explains to her a lot of volleyball strategies. And he watches the girls practice also, focusing especially on her. That night, when he walked her home, Oikawa couldn’t help but criticize her more.

“Yeah, you improved your technique but you were still distributing your sets dumbly. No strategy whatsoever. I’ll have a match next week, maybe, more than cheering, you should be taking notes.”. 

And that’s what she did. Not only at the game, but everyday. Overworked her body and mind, wanting to become a better player and stop relying on her boyfriend’s shadow, who everyday had a new thing to say about her: “your serve is shit”, “jump higher, block more”, “your set is too close to the net”, “too far”, “eat healthier”, “do more running, you are too heavy on the court”. She felt ashamed, a failure, but she kept listening and going to Tooru for help. She wanted to do better, and even remembering that match where she led the team to defeat made her feel devastated. She started doing some weight work, running and also playing with the boys team when she had the change. Her friends would tell her to take it easy, but any new muscle or joint pain she had was a confirmation that she was on the right path. Her boyfriend also had his injuries, right? And that’s a sign that he puts up much effort. 

---

Only a month later is when the next Seijoh girls match comes. Against another not so strong team, but it’s clear that the students are not very hopeful with the outcome, not many people are expected in the gymnasium. Oikawa spends the whole week trying to instruct her, but he keeps destroying her confidence: “you jump everyday and still look like you jump lower each time”, “maybe you should be a libero, your forearm passes are decent”, “where would you set the ball?” while showing a situation on a clipboard “so predictable”, “please, don’t do this on the match”, “in that way, your serve won’t go past the net”. And all that only gave her the need to practice even more. Now, she had tape on all her fingers (after trying to block her boyfriend’s spikes, or getting wrong contact with the ball while setting) and pains she never even had before. It would all pay off. 

Match day came, Y/n put on her uniform and warmed up with the girls. After the warm up was over and she was walking to the coach, Oikawa called her. She walked closer to the stands and all he said was “you can do it, just do the basics” and kissed her on the cheek. He had really high hopes for her because he saw how she put effort into improving, even if she wasn’t the best and probably didn’t have any more potential. Oikawa even brought a notebook to put all his thoughts down and later have a talk with her.

The game started and Seijoh was doing well. Y/n sets were still predictable but they were a bit quicker, managing to escape the block more times. Her serves were not hard to receive but they were getting to the other side of the court. But the block was her biggest difficulty. She wasn’t that tall, and she also couldn't jump high. The first set ended 25-23 to Seijoh, which began to bring more people to the gymnasium. From the stands, she heard Oikawa say she should’ve been more focused when jumping up to block. And that’s what she did on the second set, giving all her energy on jumping as high as she could and doing the right movements so her arms would invade the spiker space. 

Soon he would be leaving off to Argentina and you were going to stay behind. Oikawa knew this was the best decision. This was an opportunity of a lifetime, and after talking to you about it, everything was settled. You were happy for him, and he should've been happy about it too.

But he would be lying if he said he didn't wish for it to go down differently.

Your relationship wasn’t even that serious. What started as an Innocent kiss between friends turned into nights spent in each other's arms, soft caresses opon naked skin and a slow sinking feeling of falling. He hadn't even introduced you to his family, there were no tags or titles or any compromise between you two, but still the bitter taste of “what could’ve been” if only Oikawa had said something to you about how he felt scratched the back of his throat. It itched and clawed his way up, urging him to spill every single tender feeling he had buried deep inside his soul, because he was afraid of rejection.

Now, confessing was just pointless. He was going to leave, and it would be in vain. He was known to be selfish, but professing his love to you just to leave for a country continents apart was cruel. You were the only one spared from that mean streak he had.

Oikawa knew it was for the best, but still, childish as it sounds, he didn’t want to stop the feelings he had. What would happen when you fall for someone else? Or when he finds another girl to replace you?

He couldn’t imagine how that'll be like

Will their hands feel like yours when you buried them in his hair?

Will their voice sound as sweetly to his ears as yours when cheering for him?

Will his heart skip a beat the same way it did with you? whenever he saw her in his new bed, with new sheets, and in an apartment he still couldn’t imagine?

Oikawa bit on his lip to suppress a whimper when his eyes filled with tears that rolled down his cheekbones and landed on your hairline, disappearing in between the sea of strands he loved to stroke.

He didn’t want it to be that way, but his new life had no spot left for you in it.

Leaving you behind was all he could do, besides praying you didn’t resent him for it as much as he did.

His shaky hand reached forward and grasped a strand of hair that was falling over your eyes. Soflty he placed it behind your ear, brushing his muckles on your cheek soflty. You stirred, still in your slumber and snuggled further against his neck. The leg you had resting around his hip nudged him closer to the point where he had to hold his breath just to prevent the erratic rise and fall of his chest from disturbing you.

You fisted his shirt and murmured something and he allowed himself to imagine you wanted him to stay as badly as he wanted you go along with him, and that was the reason why, even in dreams, you held onto him... Because soon you’d be letting go.

“I love you…” He whispered, three words he never said out loud, only when you were far away dreaming and he could leave his emotions out in the open without fear of rejection.

His lips landed a soft caress, light as a whisper on your forehead, and he allowed himself to grieve, with the shield of the night hiding his hurt.

Afterall, when the daylight broke through the windows it would be time for him to go, and he planned to put on a happy face just for you. You had no need to know how broken he felt, it wasn't as if you could do anything to stop the ache in his soul.

The night sky was awake, staring down on the earth and shrouding it with a warm cloak of darkness. The sun had long ago crept behind the staggering horizon that stood far beyond them. The skies had long since transitioned between colours, colouring the skies with mellow pumpkin shades that bled into blushing pinks, then royal purples had begun to dominate the sky.

Thus, the night had once again reclaimed its throne, reigning over the Earth as it slept, safeguarding it from the glaring heat of the sun for but a few hours like a doting parent watching over a child as it slept.

Yet not the entire  country over which the night had taken up residence had subjected itself to sleep. This time ruling over the skies of the Miyagi prefecture, in Japan, the moon was casting a luminescent glow down on the ground that should’ve lulled them to sleep. Yet with every passing moment, every tick of the clock that reminded that dawn was crawling toward them slowly, they only lay evermore awake.

A sigh escaping from your lips, your eyes flitted to the window once more. You knew, really, that it was time to be asleep. Yet there was an irrefragable force that pulled at your mind, coaxing your soul away from the utopian land of your dreams and leading you blindly towards the confliction of your mind as you stared awake.

Two o’clock, and your mind was yet again battling in a war that had gone on for far too long.

One that had been the causation of the dark circles imprinted underneath your eyes and the halfway-there dazed look that always lived in your eyes, even when you were focusing so intently.

“Are you okay?”

“Is everything okay?”

“What’s up?”

Casually spoken words that you’d answer with a lie, a lie that was easier to you than breathing. Just simple syllables that would pass your lips, masking your emotions with an opaque, thick wall that was impenetrable.

Two o’clock, and your mind was treading water in inky liquids that were threatening to drag you under the surface. Threatening to fully submerge you into the freezing, murky waters. Trap you underneath the heavy surface and anchor you to the bottom of what seemed to be an endless pit.

Helplessly treading water; too afraid to yell out for a hand to grasp your’s and secure your safety.

And it was at times like these, when the earth as you knew it had come to an absolute standstill, when the conflict worsened. A conflict that could seemingly only ever soothe once your eyes made contact with the dozens of constellations that decorated the night’s sky with a shimmering, ethereal glisten that lasted but a few hours before fading back; retreating, blending into the dawn’s skies once more.

With a leaden heart, you threw back your sheets, gingerly laying a foot on the floor as though testing foreign waters before they fully connected with the ground. Feet that were softer than felt on the floorboards padded over to the curtained windows, and delicate hands pulled them curtains away, allowing a river of moonlight to stream in through the window. The breathing was caught in your throat once more - this ephemeral beauty that your eyes could behold every night for as long as your heart beated would never once grow old.

Even though the moon was as ancient as anything you could comprehend, it never gave up in its impressiveness. Never once.

And for a while, you were content, cheeks resting in your palms as your face fell into a serene smile that was illuminated by the soft glow of the moon. For a while, you forgot about the conflict, as though the scenery had been enough to fog over the draconian thoughts that taunted your soul.

Then, something snagged your attention. Through your peripheral vision, you could make out a vague silhouette; a male stood underneath a lone streetlight. He was clad head-to-toe in thick clothing to prevent the cold from digging deep into his body, his hair a mass of cowlicked curls that flew off his hair in amber-chocolate soft wisps. He wasn’t doing much, one hand shoved into the pocket of his coat whereas the other held a mobile - the only other source of light sans for the moonlight and streetlight that he was stood under.

But there was something about him that tugged at your memory. A drifting thought that you knew him, the mysterious boy that was out strolling in the early hours of the morning before the sun had dared rise.

There was something about the casual way he stood, the angle of his head as he surveyed the mobile held in his hands and the way his hair sat atop his head. Something in you wanted to pause time, to zoom in on the boy if only to quell the unwavering curiosity that was poking away at your thoughts. Though in a way, this sudden curiosity was something of a blessing in disguise; another layer that masked the conflict in your mind.

In the space of not even thirty seconds, he’d pocketed the phone, his keen eyes searching the vicinity before he went to start off on his walking once more. After a brief scan, he seemed satisfied, and once again went to walk again. But then keen eyes whipped around once more, and for a brief second you felt your heart plummet into oblivion. You could’ve sworn he was staring into your soul, dissecting every thought you were having at that very moment, pinning you to that place alone with his liquid cocoa stare.

He could’ve been anyone, you noted warily. Anyone in the world. A thief, a murderer, perhaps an arsonist. Hell, he could’ve been anyone in the entire world, and he’d noticed that you’d been looking at him. He’d noticed, before walking off at a brisk pace, retracting his phone from his pocket once more. His facial expression unreadable from your distance, you only hoped he hadn’t spied your curious (E/C) eyes despite looking in your direction twice.

You jerked into movement, every nerve awakening at once with a jittering tremor throughout your body as your phone vibrated with a notification.

Shaking hands reaching to it, your arms enclosed around the phone and watched the screen brighten up with a wary, cautious eye. Had he somehow found your number? Was he a stalker? What was he doing, walking around at this time?

1 New Message from: Tooru

Your nerves visibly eased at the name that was displayed on your screen, and you clicked onto the notification to read the message.

Tooru: [02:14] (Y/N)-chan, what are you doing awake at this time?

You: [02:14] … how do you know I’m awake?;;

Tooru: [02:14] Educated guess from my usual neighbourhood stroll^^

You: [02:15] Wait that was you?

Tooru: [02:15] Yep!!^^ Did you wake up to watch my beautiful figure pass by your house?

You: [02:16] Ok first of all, why were you walking around at 2am do you know how dangerous that is tooru???? Second of all, what beauty Third of all, the moon is especially beautiful tonight.

Tooru: [02:16] I agree! The moon is gorgeous~ Next time you’re awake, you should text me. We could go watch the sky at night sometime~

You: [02:17] Hahah no thanks Tooru, why are you walking around at this time, though??

Tooru: [02:18] The moon is especially beautiful tonight, as you said. We should stargaze. Sometime. After exams. Maybe. Sleep well, (Y/N)-chan!

You frowned at his answer, beating around the bush through his round-about way of inviting you on a date. Yet you said nothing in return sans for a quick goodnight message, shutting off your phone entirely before returning your focus yet again to the masterpiece that was laid out in the skies above you. A massive, open canvas of endless blues and sparkling whites.

Stargazing with Tooru… a small smile graced your features as you watched the scene above you.