Colour blind
Day one of @ohshc-week : soulmates or found family
Everyone always knew that there were two things that everyone had; sight that only saw the colour of their soulmates soul, and that words appear on their skin when they realise they've fallen in love and colour returns to their sight- and those words are the words moment by their soulmate in that moment.
Kyoya didn't have a soulmate, that much was true. He was sure of it the moment his sister told him about the legends, he remembers in this stupid little toddler wisdom, actually asking her.
"Fumi⌠why don't I see any colours..?"
He remembers the look of absolute heartbreak on his sister's face, as she came to the conclusion everyone he'd told had come to; Kyoya didn't have a soulmate, he was unlovable, he would die alone. But of course Fiyumi had done her best to comfort him, suggesting any number of reasons he couldn't see a single colour; maybe his soulmate's soul wasn't on the visible spectrum? Maybe he was just colourblind? Maybe his soulmate didn't even have a soul? Kyoya had jumped right on that excuse, the idea that his soulmate was a demon of some sort, made sense in his little toddler brain, especially when falling for his horribly crude, horribly rude ex, maybe his own soul was an ugly shade of green, just like Kuze had said he could see- Kyoya didn't even know what green looked like. But every night, he searched his body for words, any word Kuze had ever said to him- and never found anything.
That was probably the final nail in the coffin, the final, undeniable proof that he never had a soulmate, and never would. He spent so many nights, ending up in tears⌠how was he so unlovable? He had no friends after upsetting both Kuze and his fiancĂŠe, he'd told them he saw orange, he just wanted to make him happy⌠but she saw orange, she was who made him happy. He was all alone, and he would always be aloneâŚ
Then he met Tamaki, Tamaki was special, Tamaki made him feel happy like he hadn't felt in so long. But never once did Kyoya let himself fall for the man, he knew better by now, he never told Tamaki that he couldn't see in colour, he didn't want his new best friend to think him a freak. But he loved to listen to Tamaki go on and on about the colour he saw⌠purple.
Purple was the colour of Tamaki's eyes, the colour of the roses he had surrounded Kyoya with, it was a colour so beautiful, it could bring Tamaki to tears if he spoke about it for too long, it was a colour that Tamaki so often told Kyoya he looked so good in. Kyoya had to trust his word, he had no idea how colour theory worked, only how blacks and whites and greys looked together, there was nothing Kyoya hated more than blacks and greys.
Black was a dark, sombre colour, it wasn't even a colour, it was a shade of nothing, the ugliest in Kyoya's opinion; it was the colour of his unlovable hair, the colour of the book he carried around, the colour of everything sick and bad. The greys were worse; they were everything Kyoya couldn't see, they were every colour of the rainbow, a horrible reminder of everything he was not, the horrible mark of a lack of love, they were the colour of his eyes, showing everyone exactly who he was, he hated greys- but he hated the colours even more, the light hiding from his vision.
White was the only lack of colour he ever cared for; the sunlight drifting through the open window and onto his face, the inside of warm, fresh bread, it was the colour that everything light and bright appeared to be, it wasn't an absence of happiness, but the only joy Kyoya could gleam, it was also the colour that most of Tamaki appeared as, from his hair to his overly expensive 'red' leather shoes.
Then the host club was founded, it was a joint effort, though Kyoya really didn't see the point, all these girls had soulmates, what could they ever see in their hosts? Kyoya didn't understand romance for the sake of romance, everything should be about your soulmate- how dare these selfish brats focus on anything else? He'd always hated how his brothers focused on their studies, they were always better than him in one sense- did they have to be better than him in every way? Now these boys and their stupid guests were going to mess around, neglecting time that should be spent searching for their soulmate. But of course Kyoya couldn't have just said that, then Tamaki would ask why Kyoya never searched for his own⌠and he'd have to admit how unlovable he was.
But he grew fond of the club, if not their activities. He still resented each and every guest to walk through their door, but at least Kyoya could excuse the hosts- they were only messing around. Besides, at least one of them already knew their soulmate; Honey saw a dark mauve colour, it was a strange colour, one Kyoya couldn't even begin to imagine, the boy-lolita's soulmate was a girl from the black magic club, who had previously complained about the bright pink shades everything took- now it was her favourite colour.
He began to see the hosts as a family unit, like the times Tamaki always described, it was never anything like his own family- but he had to adore the beautiful nuclear family picture Tamaki painted for him⌠himself as the mother, and Tamaki was always the father. It was a picture perfect scene, one Kyoya would never be able to have in any other context. Of course he loved, he fell in love every day, any time there was a beautiful man on the television, any time a handsome man passed his vision in any context. Sometimes he developed a small crush on someone he actually knew, and he had to crush it and remove it from his mind- he was unlovable, he had to remember that.
Haruhi came along and Kyoya began to believe Tamaki had found his soulmate, maybe she was purple, but the roses he found surrounded her were red apparently, not purple- that was the first he realised it was only him surrounded by purple. He appreciated Tamaki surrounding him in such an important colour, he supposed a best friend was a stand in for a soulmate until you found it. He supposed that was also why he was mommy- he'd lose the role once Tamaki found his queen.
He didn't understand why that thought made him feel so sad.
He didn't understand why Haruhi gave him such pitying eyes when he explained why he agreed to found the club with Tamaki.
He certainly didn't understand why he was in physical pain when he was so close to losing Tamaki. He should be happy for his best friend- Eclair was Tamaki's soulmate after all wasn't he? He wondered what colour his friend's soul wasâŚ
But Eclair didn't feel like a purple, she didn't fit any of the descriptors Tamaki gave the colour; she wasn't subtle, sure she was mature- but in too sexual of a sense, purple was withdrawn but glowing, it was a smart colour, one that Tamaki truly loved⌠Eclair was none of that, she was disgusting.
When they settled down together to watch the fireworks after the most stressful day of all their lives, it was Hikaru who spoke up. "Uhh⌠Haruhi?" Haruhi glanced over to him, and Kyoya noticed how the louder twin was holding his forearm, "I have to show youâŚ" and he pulled back his sleeve, to reveal words written in block text, what was presumably red; 'don't worry about that Hikaru, I got this.' and from the gasp that emanated from Haruhi, it was something she had said to him.
Suddenly, she was looking around in awe, "so many coloursâŚ" her hands went to her mouth, before her eyes went down to her own forearm, pulling her own sleeve back, only to see the words Hikaru had just spoken, written in⌠was that comic sans?
All the hosts watched in silence as they embraced, Haruhi kissing Hikaru on the nose before they both chuckled happily⌠Kyoya had to look away, feeling a pang of pain at his friends' happy ending. Honey seemed to have the opposite reaction, clapping his hands together with a giggle and a smile, "aww!! Hika-chan loves Haru-chan!!"
Kaoru seemed pleased, patting his brother on the back, "hell yeah, I called it!"
Tamaki simply gasped, "I knew you had impure intentions for my little girl!" He points at Hikaru, "devil twin!" He glanced at Kyoya pouting, "mommy! Set some ground rules!"
Kyoya sighs, feeling his heart pounding heavy in his chest, really not feeling up to this, he crossed his arms. "Hurt her, we hurt you, and the same goes for vise versa, both of you- take care of each other." The two looked up at Kyoya, both smiling in amusement at how willing Kyoya was to go along with Tamaki's antics, but knowing full well the threats were real- Kyoya doesn't do fake threats. "Although I know you won't, cause you're both fucking soulmates and perfect for each other, obviously." He shoots a quick glare at Tamaki for making him give such a redundant threat.
But the hosts had all paused, looking at him in confusion, that was the first time they'd ever heard Kyoya swear, and they were concerned. "Aren't you happy for them Kyo-chan? What's wrong..?" Honey asked, tilting his head slightly. Only then does Kyoya realise what he'd said, and he withdrew in on himself, trying to find an excuse, any excuseâŚ
"Aw⌠are you upset you still haven't found yours yet?" Tamaki smiled softly, hugging him, "that's so cute Kyoya!" Kyoya felt his cheeks heat up slightly, cursing his sensitivity for things like this.
"Ugh, it's nothing, I'm just a little stressed from today, alright?" He forced a smile, adjusting his glasses quietly and stepping away from Tamaki, who looked a little disappointed.
"I wished I could date *my* soulmate already." Tamaki spoke, sighing, "you two are very lucky," he had turned to the lucky couple again, smiling now.
Haruhi chuckles, smiling back, "oh don't worry, I'm sure your soulmate would be easy to find, she's probably one of your guests."
Tamaki shakes his head at that "oh I already know my soulmate, I'm just waiting for my soulmate to find me."
Everyone pauses at that, and Kyoya feels an even greater pang of pain, his best, dearest friend has found his soulmate, and doesn't even attempt to court her? How selfish of him, what another those without soulmates- not that he'd be aware of that, it's only KyoyaâŚ. It's Hikaru who speaks up, frowning, "why not just tell her? She'd have to realise then?"
"That would be unfair, to deprive my love of the wonderful feeling of discovery and adoration, the same I felt⌠I'd never want my true love to be forced into such a discovery." He smiles, sighing wistfully, ever the romantic is Tamaki, and Kyoya could only wish he had someone who would do that for him⌠but that was impossible.
Hikaru paused, glancing at Haruhi, "well know I feel bad."
Haruhi chuckled, kissing Hikaru's cheek, "don't worry, I appreciate the straightforwardness, I'm glad you just told me. That's why we fit, and whoever Tamaki-senpai's soulmate is, will appreciate his gesture as much as I appreciate yours."
Aw how romantic, Kyoya almost felt sick, his rage- his jealousy, was almost unbearable, what he wouldn't do for a soulmate⌠someone he could call his ownâŚ
They went inside, intending to relax inside the clubroom, in fact Tamaki had suggested they stay the night. So they were setting up for a nice big sleepover, but Kyoya just sat by the window, once again mourning his lack of love. He wasn't really paying attention to what the other hosts were doing, he was just thinking about everything and nothing, he tried to focus on finances and money, at least to keep the tears away, what had he learnt in school recently? Not much if he was honest.
He could hear Tamaki arguing with the twins once again, some things never changed, as much as it was annoying, it was lovely background noise⌠everything Tamaki said was lovely background noise. Tamaki was just, lovely in general- Kyoya couldn't ask for a better best friend⌠of course he'd never say that, he could never admit how much he-
"MAMA!!" Tamaki cried out, rushing to Kyoya's side, his eyes big and shimmering, whining and complaining about something the twins had done or said, but all Kyoya could think about wasâŚ
-loved him. He loved him, he could never admit how much he loved Tamaki. Oh for fucks sake, he'd fallen for Tamaki Souh of all people, his best friend. He thought he'd never make that mistake again- falling for a friend never ends well.
He sighed, opening his eyes again to look that idiot in the face and⌠his eyes⌠was that⌠purple?
He couldn't see a single grey, not one speck⌠he looked around, barely any black either⌠oh heavens, oh god. It seemed Tamaki had noticed something, standing up, and- oh his suit really was white⌠white, the colour of the roses on Tamaki's table, that fool loved the colour white almost as much as he did purpleâŚ
"Are you alright Kyoya? You look a little⌠shocked." Tamaki smiled, looking down at him. The other hosts glanced over, oh they were all so colourful⌠Kyoya could cryâŚ
"Your suit is whiteâŚ" was all he could manage, practically rendered speechless as he felt a telltale tingle on his wristâŚ
Tamaki nodded, smiling brighter, "you've only just noticed? Or are you finally seeing in colour?" This got the other hosts attention, all eyes going wide, Kyoya had no clue what those colours were⌠the same as coffee he thought, at least in Haruhi's case.
"You're white- you⌠your soulâŚ" Kyoya managed to choke out, looking down at his wrist, written in beautiful white cursive was the word; 'MAMA!!', all caps, two exclamations⌠and Kyoya felt the tears spilling, for the first time not out of sadness or mourning.
"Oh my god! You two are soulmates???" Hikaru blurted out, seemingly shocked, especially as Tamaki nodded.
"I surrounded him in purple for a reason." He then paused, frowning and turning back to Kyoya, "white? My soul is white? Not even a real colour..? God⌠no wonder you got so nervous whenever I brought up the idea of soulmatesâŚ" the pity was clear in his voice, but Kyoya couldn't care less.
"I thought I didn't have oneâŚ" he managed to admit, grabbing Tamaki and pulling him into the tightest hug he could manage, he was in love, he was allowed to be in love- he even had a soulmate that was so special his colour was unique! "You're every colour in the entire light spectrum, you're too realâŚ"
Tamaki chuckled at that, smiling and giving Kyoya lots of little face kisses, "I'm glad your happy mon amour, now please let me go, I can't breathe."
"I'm never letting you go again," Kyoya spoke truthfully, he ever wanted to feel as alone as he had felt not ten minutes ago ever again, he grabbed Tamaki by the face, staring him in the eyes, "now kiss me and don't ever fucking stop."
