#ohsh

have you ever been in a maze with a ticking clock? once the clock strikes 12, your time ends and the walls cave in on you. except you don't know how long you have, or which way to go, and the walls are caving in on you. the maze is ready to devour you whole, and you can run as much as you want — as far as you want, but it will catch up to you anyway.

to summarize it, that was what your life felt like ever since you caught the eye of kim namhyeop.

it started when he found you bawling your eyes out during a picnic. you had been having an awful day as usual, being your classmates' favourite punching bag. you wanted to avoid drawing attention as much as possible, keeping to yourself the entire day, but they found you anyway. it always ended with you on the ground before them because they found a strange thrill from seeing you 'being put in your place'.

you had essentially given up on any hopes of them stopping or just letting you be; you knew there was nothing you could do. you had tried everything from telling your teachers to trying to fight back, and nothing had worked. so now, you had no other choice but to put up with the mistreatment.

however, on that particular day, it got too much for you to ignore. you went out of the shared dorm room that all your female classmates shared to sit out in the area where the camp was set up. the place you were staying at was near a forest and thus, it lacked the city noises.

you broke down, crying your eyes out while trying to hold back to avoid being too loud. that didn't quite work because namhyeop found you anyway.

he had just woken up to take a quick stroll before going back to sleep, but he was intrigued by the scene in front of him instead. he knew your name and that you were bullied, but that was about it. seeing you while you were so vulnerable was new to him. still, he wasn't completely heartless (or so he says).

namhyeop approached you, gently tapping your shoulder. you shuddered, scared it was one of your classmates. you looked up at him — bloodshot eyes and tears staining your face. you wiped your eyes with your sleeves when you saw it was him.

he paused, fully taking in your appearance at that moment. any normal person's first instinct would be ask if you were alright or what had happened. but not him. he simply stared at you for a good minute, taking in your features and appearance. and he found you absolutely beautiful, in his own sick way.

finally, after a minute (or long) of staring at you, he spoke up, "are you alright?"

you quickly got up, sniffling and rubbing your eyes with your sleeve as you nodded frantically.

you recognized him soon after. the top student, son of a rich doctor, the boy who developed an app for disabled people. it was the time when you weren't fully familiar with who he truly was and mistook him for a kind soul. naturally, you trusted him as you said, "namhyeop, please don't tell anyone about this."

"i won't, but why do you not want people to know?"

"my classmates… aren't the nicest people, if you know what i mean. those assholes." you sniffled as you continued, "i would really appreciate it if you could just keep this between us. if they find out about this, they won't let me live it down."

he paused, as if considering your request, before flashing you his signature model student smile as he responded, "of course. you can trust me."

you nodded, slightly relieved. your tears had dried up on your face at this point, and you headed back inside your dormitory. as you felt the mattress sink beneath your body, you exhaled deeply, wondering whether he could be trusted or not. before you could make any logical reasoning with yourself, you gave into the feeling of your eyelids getting heavier.

after the picnic, you didn't think much of the incident. you were back at school, and he hadn't seemed to say anything, but he did seem like he got along well with the bullies. you were skeptical, but not quite worried as long as he didn't put you in an awkward situation. you would catch him with his friends in the hallways but neither of you approached the other. you assumed he simply brushed it off. except he didn't.

ever since you had gotten back from the trip, your bullies hadn't bothered you, tried to humiliate or make a spectacle out of you. in fact, it appeared to you that they seemed to avoid you. not just them, most of your classmates.

you didn't pay heed to it, since you were simply relieved they weren't onto you anymore, but you should have.

a few days later, you had ended up staying back late in school. you fell asleep in the sick bay after taking medication for a headache, and nobody seemed to bother waking you up. it wasn't late when you finally did wake up, around 5 pm. you got up and headed to your classroom to get your things. you swung your backpack over your shoulder and walked out of your classroom.

just as you were about to approach the staircase, you heard a room shriek with laughter. you were curious to see what it was but decided against, choosing to go home instead. that was, until you heard someone scream.

you could hear a loud wail from the same classroom, joined with the sounds of amused laughter. you knew better than to approach that classroom, but you couldn't just walk away from it. you weren't particularly gifted in terms of strength, but you didn't want to let this go on — whatever it was.

your legs carried you to the door, and you peeked inside, spotting a few boys crowded behind a desk. there were about four of them, excluding the person whose scream she heard but couldn't see. you could only see the back of their heads as one of them spoke up, "hey, sangwon! you're being too fucking loud." the boy said, kicking the other in the stomach as he coughed.

you knew better than to go inside and intervene, putting yourself at risk again. you knew better than to push them away and help the boy on the floor. you knew better than this.

but you didn't listen to yourself at this moment.

as you helped up the boy, who was named sangwon, you turned to look at his perpetrators.

you could recognise a few of them, having seen them around often when you were bullied. they were either friends with your bullies or joined in on the fun sometimes, but the sight of them did not sting as much as his did.

kim namhyeop.

you hadn't expected this from him, having mistaken him for a kind soul. you pulled sangwon's arm around your shoulder to support him while he stood, given that his legs were giving out.

when you turned to look at him, you felt that you had seen a flicker of something apart from sheer amusement from the pain he caused to the boy, but you didn't pay heed to it. he stared you down, tutting softly as he spoke, "y/n, why are you still here? shouldn't you be at home right now?"

you felt something twist in your stomach. was he serious? that's what he had to say despite the situation they were in?

"are you serious right now?" you spat at him in disgust, "were you going to kill him or something? you fucking freak. i thought you were better than this."

you adjusted his arm over your shoulders, beginning to take small steps towards the door. the boys stared helplessly as you took sangwon away, knowing better than to mess with you. because messing with you meant messing with namhyeop, and that's the last thing they wanted.

you looked back only to see namhyeop stare at you with an intrigued expression.

you felt disgusted as you turned away, leading the boy down the stairs and eventually taking him to the hospital. you knew sangwon wouldn't report anything that happened, because it simply isn't worth it. nothing happens, and the cycle only becomes more vicious. he took the medication and decided to leave after his injury was dressed.

"thank you.. for helping me." sangwon spoke softly, his gaze fixed on the ground, "but you shouldn't have. they'll mess with you as well, now."

"don't worry about it. it's nothing i haven't seen before." you said in an attempt to comfort him, but it only made him feel bad for you.

"i am surprised we got out of there unscathed," he said as you both fell into step beside each other. you turned to look at him and then scoffed, "you look pretty scathed."

sangwon chuckled, perhaps for the first time that day, "yeah, i guess i do. i can't wait to get out of here and leave kim namhyeop behind."

you nodded along, trying to hide the feeling of your stomach twisting again. his name felt like a sting now. you hadn't expected him to be a saint; no one ever was, but you were grateful for him just being silent and keeping a secret. or so you thought. you continued talking until you left him at his doorstep and walked back home alone.

except you weren't alone. not really.

for the next few days, namhyeop didn't do amything. he didn't approach you or sangwon, and neither did his lackeys. sangwon was surprised but he enjoyed the peace and calm of not having the bullies onto him at all times.

during this time, the two of you managed to get closer. making friends had been hard for both of you, but now that the bullies had backed off, you believed things would be simpler now.

so, you'd hangout with sangwon outside of school. you'd go to the arcade, have study sessions together and even go shopping together.

you felt that everything would be fine now that you had made a friend, but unfortunately that wasn't quite it.

it had been a month since the day you confronted namhyeop and rescued sangwon from him and his lackeys. sangwon showed up to class with a cast all of a sudden, and naturally, classmates asked what had happened. he insisted that it was an accident and that he had tripped from the stairs, but you knew better.

you cornered him later, "hey, lee sangwon," he looked up at you, raising a brow, "i know you're lying."

"c'mon, seriously? you don't believe me?"

"no. i don't believe that you just tripped from the stairs."

"why is that?" he questioned, tilting his head now.

you scoffed, "if you did trip, you would've hurt your leg too. atleast a bruise. but you only hurt your arm. how am i supposed to believe that?"

sangwon avoided your gaze now, and you knew you were right. you gently grabbed his free arm, "sangwon, please just tell me the truth. we're friends, afterall."

when he saw the look in your eyes, he couldn't take it anymore. so, he told you the truth. all of it. all the ugly parts. and you hated it. he told you how they cornered him in a dark alleyway, how they beat him up, and finally broke his arm. your fingers curled into a clenched fist, your heart hammering louder in your chest.

you excused yourself later and went to find kim namhyeop. luckily, you found him easily. he was sitting at the rooftop, talking with his friends about something.

when he saw you approach, his stoic expression morphed into a warm smile. he dismissed his friends and they moved past you and headed down the staircase, leaving you and him alone on the rooftop.

"so, you finally came. i missed you, y/n." namhyeop said in a whiny tone, and it irked you to no extent.

pure rage ran through your blood. the fact that he sat here unscathed while your friend was hurt because of him made you furious.

he slowly walked towards you, "you seem angry. did something happen?"

you raised up your hand, "don't come any closer, or i think i might genuinely kill you."

he smiled knowingly, "ah, he told you. well, it was why i did it in the first place. i told you, you'll come back to me."

your jaw clenched as you stared at his smile. you wanted to hit him, but you were still holding back. you weren't sure whether it was the fact that you didn't want to hurt him or that you feared him.

"you hurt him on purpose. why? what kind of sick desire do you want to fulfill?" you spat at him, unable to withhold your disgust and contempt any longer.

namhyeop looked at you like he genuinely meant what he said, "his arm touched you."

"what?"

"his arm. you put it around your shoulder. i didn't like that."

you weren't sure whether this was truly happening. when you felt your stomach drop, you were sure of it. this wasn't a movie scene; this was real. and he was a fucked up person.

"what the fuck is wrong with you?" you grabbed his collar and yanked at it, "what the actual fuck is wrong with you?"

he chuckled. he didn't make any effort to free himself from your hold; in fact, he leaned into it. he smiled as he spoke, "if you didn't interrupt that day, i would've never laid my hands on him."

you felt your arms be drained of any strength for a moment. was he insinuating that it was your fault? that your decisions were the reason your only friend was hurt right now? your eyes started to burn, tears forming in your eyes now. you weren't sure whether you were crying due to the rage you felt or the guilt.

he continued, "you're so pretty when you cry, y/n."

"what the fuck are you talking about, you bastard?!"

he let out a chuckle, "do you remember that night at the camp site? you were crying about something and i saw you there. at that moment, i had decided that i want all your tears," he gently reached forward to touch your face, surprised at your lack of protest as he gently swiped a tear with his thumb, "i want to be the cause of your tears and i want to be the one whom your tears belong to."

you felt your breathing grow ragged as you listened to him. you hated every word he said, and yet, you couldn't push away his touch. you couldn't bring yourself to hurt him, despite being fully capable of doing so.

but what worried you the most was the thought of him hurting sangwon. you couldn't have the boy be hurt anymore because of you.

so, you decided to make a deal with the devil. you let go of his collar and took a step back, "i want you to promise you won't hurt sangwon."

he tilted his head. "where's the fun in that?"

"do as i say, and i'll do whatever you want."

he smirked, "anything i want?"

although the thought scared you, you nodded, "yes. anything."

namhyeop gently cupped your face, brushing his thumb over your skin, his touch feather light as he spoke, "since you said you'll do anything,

then go ahead and cry for me, y/n."

the mid-day sunlight was already overheating the upper floor classrooms. a thin layer of sweat forming on her forehead forced her to reluctantly get up to freshen up. dragging her feet down the corridor she turned left in direction to the bathroom.

“thank you again, see you tomorrow.” a boy bolted from the scene, almost making her trip. euigyeom—the transferred student. he didn't bother to look at her, he just ran swiftly towards the stairs and disappeared among some students.

she snorted, “where are the manners these days? geez.” her gaze returned to the front, meeting none other than kang yoonki. his crooked smile failed to distract her from the enormous red stain on his collar. with her hands up in the air, she spoke again. “i'm not going to ask. but move, you're in my way.”

he chuckled, “didn't know you were that bold.”

“i’m not. now move.” she took two steps forward, waiting for him to move away from the door.

for her pleasant surprise, he did.

though the second she took the handle, he stopped her. “i hope this doesn't get out of here… it wouldn't be good for euigyeom.”

“whatever the hell you want to hide is none of my business, don't try to threaten me like that.” she said, opening the door to leave him and his mouthful nonsense behind.

“i'm not trying to threaten you,” he sneered. “i'm asking for a favor.”

“i don't care.”

but she kept the secret to herself.

for days, their interaction ceased to mere fleeting glances. curious looks shared from across the classroom. it didn't bother her until he started to smile—mocking, soft, distracting.

“knock it off, yoonki.” her hand clasped around his wrist once during lunchtime.

he didn't say anything.

there was a weird vibe between them, and she had tested it by guiding him without uttering a single word. she moved around the building while glancing over her shoulder, waiting for his figure to trail her silent steps.

an empty room awaited at the end of the dark corridor. he grinned after closing the door behind him. there was something in his eyes that she couldn't name, and as he walked closer to the table she was leaning on, she caught her breath like an anchor to the mortal world.

“do you want something from me or what?” he checked out her whole face slowly, so slowly she was able to count the blinking with one hand. “hmm?”

she shrugged, shook her head to deny any possible answer.

“i want you to leave me alone, kang yoonki.” his name slipped like a river down soft rocks; just the sound escaping from her lips was enough to clean his most profound sins, his deepest desires of revenge, of violent rawness stained with warm maroon. “i need you to stop. i kept your secret, i’ll keep it. but, please, you're exhausting me.”

he tilted his head to the side, chuckling with indifference. “i'm not doing anything to you. in fact—” it only took one finger to push her gently to sit on the table. “you are the one responsible. i’m here only because you wanted me to… or was i mistaken?”

she couldn't answer.

but he was right.

there was a special kind of craving she had, a series of what-if’s that wandered through her mind endlessly. having him face to face, and so close to her own body, was a game she wasn't interested in. even with her knees almost touching his legs. even with his hands reaching out to graze her shoulders.

“just stop it. i cannot concentrate with you looking at me like that.” she insisted. her senses finally appeared by making her walk to the door, as far as possible from his tall figure.

yoonki’s laugh was the only thing heard for a couple of seconds.

“so you have a crush on me… and you're blaming me for it? come on, y/n, don't be—.”

the door slammed behind her.

it became a habit to completely ignore his presence; somehow it was easy, as he disappeared with euigyeom all the time, those two were suddenly glued by the hip. there was no need for external distractions, so she was okay with him being as far as possible.

or that's how she momentarily tricked her mind to think, because the second she saw that video her heart fell to her stomach and she felt nauseous.

there was so much blood, so much pain.

two masked guys were beating up bullies. and it was vile, uncontrolled.

she was able to recognise them quickly—she knew that stupid laugh. and using common sense, the other one was the quiet transferred boy.

when the final bell rang she followed him home. silently walking behind, trailing his steps just like he did with her days before.

“yah! kang yoonki!” she finally said once they were far enough from school.

“didn’t know you were the stalker kind, i'm surprised.” he kept his pace steady, one foot after the other without waiting for the girl chanting his name. “what do you want?”

she scoffed, running until her right hand clasped the fabric of his uniform jacket, forcing him to stop. “it’s you, isn't it?”

he adjusted his glasses and nodded, “you're butting in something that's none of your business.”

her heart raced, “but you're not denying it.”

yoonki was known for being an instigator. he was at every fight that took place inside school, he knew the bullies by name. his mind was a corrupted mystery full of depraved ideas no-one but him seemed to understand.

“you're forcing me to ask you for another favor then.” he stated, reaching for the hand stopping his departure.

she remembered vividly a second of the video, a kick so powered by rage it sent the receiver flying until they slammed against the wall. she shook her head, and before he could say anything else she used her entire strength to push him to an empty alley.

“are you out of your mind? what the fuck are you doing?” his back hit the wall with a cold thud.

“stop it, yoonki.” her eyes carried a plea, a begging tone of emotions blurring her common sense. “what you're doing is dangerous. you're just two, they have entire gangs jumping people around.”

and there it was, that cocky grin.

anger wasn't even enough to describe the bubbling feeling inside her chest. her hands clasped around the collar of his jacket were shaking and cold from the adrenaline pumping through her whole body. his smug little smile creeped his face as he licked his lower lip and leaned towards her.

she pushed him to the wall again.

“stop that,” he declared. trapping her hands inside one of his own. “why are you angry? it's not that you're involved in all of this madness.”

she exhaled deeply, struggling to free one of her hands. soon she brought it to his side, pressing firmly where the blow of the kick would be. he groaned and bent over from the pain of the moment.

“are you fucking insane?” his eyes were fully focused on her now, cursing to the fact he had overlooked her to be part of his team. “euigyeom knows how to throw punches, yes. that doesn't give you the right to use it to your advantage. you're going to get both of you killed. is that what you want? huh?”

he stayed quiet so she pressed his side once again, gaining another pained moan.

and he laughed.

“are you laughing? really?”

“yes, i am.”

she moved her hands completely away from him, but took two steps forward to fully pin him against the wall.

a quick electric shock ran down his spine, the pit of his stomach tickled when he caught the smell of her shampoo. grapefruit. everything was silent as she checked his face for traces of the fight that took place the night before. the world moved slower when she was close to him.

“what are you doing now?” his voice was quiet, fearing that if he talked louder she would leave him behind.

“i don't want you to die,” she mumbled.

the fights. the bruises. the blood. nothing scared her more than the thought of him fading forever.

and she hated that with her whole being.

kang yoonki wasn't driven by love, but loyalty. it was easy for confusion to settle in as their noses gently brushed. he closed his eyes tightly when he felt her breath against his lips.

he waited for something to happen. he wished for something to happen as his hands grazed her elbows and he leaned in just a little bit more. and something did happen, but not exactly what he wanted from that moment of lack of restraint. their lips touched slightly, so slightly that it almost went unnoticed.

but she backed off and took some distance.

he snorted, reluctantly opening his eyes.

“help me out then.” she looked at him quite annoyed. “if you don't want me to die then help me.”

her airy laughter was definitely mocking him.

“fuck off.”