#oh feels

The story billowed through Kestrel, a fierce wind that smarted the eyes and bled tears down her cheeks. “Oh, now,” Enai said. “I thought the story was encouraging.” “Encouraging? The seamstress dies.” “That’s a grim interpretation. Let’s say instead that she chose. The god let her choose, and she did. You, Kestrel, haven’t made your choice.”

This was always the question that he had feared. For this question could so easily transform into: what was your part in her trial? He knew that she would hate him when she learned the truth. Inevitably, she would. For now, he shall remain the father figure that she does not have, until Henry cared for her again. If he ever would.Your mother was a formidable woman. Her beauty and presence lit up a woman. Her wit was sharp and clever and she could hold a conversation with the most learned men and shrewd ambassadors. It is because of her that England was able to free itself from the shackles of servitude to the Vatican. She had a kind and pious heart, caring for the common man, unlike many courtiers who pay no mind to those outside the palace.And I know this most of all: she loved you more than anything else in this world.

Baby, you and I got historyAnd we can't deny our chemistrySo why the fuck are we a mystery?Let's just go with the connection, give me your affection

/dead

it’s not even very late but I’m having those kinds of thoughts. I like Gericho so damn much. the simplicity in the way that we communicate boggles my mind. I love that it feels so natural when it’s something that’s so alien to me. I love we can sit down anywhere and talk about anything. we can go from serious discussions about politics or laugh about stupid things and stories we have. he’s helped me learn so much about friendship and really I thought he’d be the last guy I’d learn something like that from. he’s such a surprise. the best things come from places you least expect. I sure as hell did not expect this. I’m deep in feels and I’m not sure how to handle this. christian was so physical. we kissed on like the second or third time we’d actually hung out in person. Gericho is so different from him and from that and maybe that’s why I like him. he’s so opposite and I want it because I have to insure that I’ll never be in that situation again. he’s genuine. he’s a shock. he’s intelligent. he’s completely ridiculous. he’s funny. his laugh is contagious. he’s adventurous. he’s honest. his smile is a good toxic. but above all he makes me happy by his simple presence. I’ve found myself thinking about him the past couple weeks. I’ll drive by a shop and think “whoa okay that would be cool to walk through with Gericho” I’ll listen to a song “oh I definitely need to show this to him” I’ll make progress in mending the friendships I stubbornly broke “I can’t wait to tell Gericho” I’ll hear an interesting topic “I wonder what he thinks about that” I’ll remember questions I’ve wanted to ask him “how many pillows do you sleep with?” “do you like the sound of the rain?” “do you like the smell of wet pavement?” he runs constantly through my mind. I’m not sure how to handle this. he’s unlike anything I’ve experienced. it sounds completely horrible and completely cocky but I’ve never had to go after a guy on my own. I’ve never had to make the first moves. I never had to really worry if the guy would like me back. Gericho is so closed off. I don’t know how he feels. I don’t know where he thinks this is going. I don’t know if he wants to make a move. I don’t know if he’s waiting for me to say it’s okay. today in the car, just sitting and listening to music while it started to rain, I’ve never wanted to just hold someone’s hand so badly. I’ve never wanted to examine someone’s hands so badly. I’ve started to draw hands again in the sketch book. I’ve been working on holding hands. I want to know his hands like my own. I want to draw our hands side by side and see the similarities to our real hands. I want to hold his hand and walk coyote hills. I want to hold his hand and wander through Palo Alto. all these things but does he even want the same? would he even enjoy doing silly things like that with me? ever since I’ve been asking him to hang out I always make sure that were doing something. it’s ice skating, food, bowling, some sort of activity. I’m afraid that he doesn’t want to do the things I daydream of. I just want to go to the pyramid and lay side by side at night, look at some stars, get goose bumps and freeze but just talk. talk about nothing but talk about everything all at once. but are these things Gericho? am I good for him? could I ever be what he wanted?