@ofthcvoid said: tell me about dirk and the alphas, how does he view them, what does he feel about them, what does he think...
this is going to be an entire doozy actually geez. alright letâs get going
i want to start with jane, because his relationship with her is, while still complicated, easiest to tackle. dirk sees himself in jane to some extent, more so than roxy or jake -- he thinks theyâre the most logical of the group, the most grounded. theyâre the same brand of cynical. they get each other, but i feel theyâd also clash in such a way that would be pretty ugly for the both of them. janeâs got a temper and dirkâs pretty volatile and he knows that, right? heâs well aware of his own vices and likes to think heâs pretty well versed on janeâs. something i think about a lot is how itâs established that dirk tells jane she should be more like jake (and vice versa, but iâll get to that later) -- dirk really does adore jane, right, but feels like sheâs missing this kind of lust for life, this recklessness that she of all people can afford. in many ways, dirkâs pretty jealous of jane. where she lives, how she was raised, her leg-up on chances with jake, etc... sheâs got a lot of stuff that, in an ideal world, dirk feels like heâd enjoy.Â
let me talk about the birthday thing real quick. that wasnât about jane, that was about jake, right? it wasnât that he didnât want to see jane at all. he did, because sheâs his friend and he does love her!! their talk on the quest bed is VITAL. he carves himself open for her (and yes it isnât the place or the time, but such is a dirk s.trider drama), comes clean in such a way that we only see twice before; once when heâs threatening to kill hal because heâs sick of himself, once again when everyoneâs hopped up on trickster candy. i think janeâs general attitude aids this tbh -- dirk knows sheâs not going to pity him, or get too tangled up in the emotions of things, and thatâs a comfort for him. jane is his friend -- maybe not his best friend, and maybe theyâve had bumps in the road, but heâd do what he could for her all the same. he loves her. wants the best for her.
roxy? now thatâs his best friend. his right hand, his rock, his everything. dirk says it all for me on the quest beds, really:Â âTT: Iâm proud of her. [...] TT: She's probably stronger than the other three of us put together.â roxy is the most important person in his entire life, and will continue to be until the end of said life. dirk loves her so much itâs like difficult for me to put into words?? sheâs the closest thing heâs got to family and he knows that. he really does believe she deserves the world and it KILLS him that he canât give it to her -- that he canât love her in the way she wants, that he canât fix their shitty universe so sheâd get the chance at a normal life. like he says, not a day didnât go by where he wasnât beating himself up about not being able to feel that for her, to let her live the way she wants to. heâd give anything for her in a way that he wouldnât anyone else.Â
he worries for her, wants and needs her to be there with him when everything finally slots into place. to my recollection sheâs the only person he actually says that he outright loves, and i think that rings true to how he feels about her. sheâs a league above the rest.Â
itâs not all sweetness and light, though. dirkâs not a person with a sunny disposition and he really does think himself into a frenzy sometimes, and i think about what roxy said about d.irkj.ake a lot; âthe writing was always on the wallâ, or something like that. in my head, dirk kind of... okay he sees that as jealousy. as âyouâre not happy for me because you think if you canât have me, no one else should get toâ. dirkâs capable of talking himself into bitterness with people he adores, and just because roxy is, well, roxy, sheâs not exempt from that.
he does love her, though. more than he ever thought he was capable of loving someone. that just means she has all the more power to make him hurt.
jake (: listen. please listen to me. dirkâs in love with jake. iâm not saying that what we got in canon was like peak romance or whatever but dirk is, unquestionably, in love with him. his fucking lantern explodes when jake kisses him for fuckâs sake!! dirkâs in love with jake and it scares the living shit out of him because he already has this achingly low opinion of himself and he just thinks jake is so good, so funny and optimistic and just so fucking bright. he just loves jake so much. like trust and believe roxy is his main girl but the fact of the matter is her flirting, the way it makes him feel guilty, it means itâs all the easier to seek solace in jake, who makes him feel so damn GOOD. like he can do ANYTHING. and THATâS why he falls for jake, right?? because jake BELIEVES in him, and dirk thinks heâs such a shitty person that he needs jakeâs sweet faith in him (and itâs just so casual when we see it in canon; âi believe in you!â âyou do?â âalways have.â) and when he feels like heâs starting to lose that he grips all the harder yâknow? he feels so wildly out of control where jake is concerned. itâs terrifying.
as i said in janeâs segment though, he tells jake a lot that he could serve to be more like her. jake is sort of a hot box of rocks, bless him, and doesnât have the kind of protective outer shell that jane has, and dirk worries that heâs just going to get himself hurt if he carries on believing that life is like a movie and that eventually all the plot threads are going to come together and heâll get his happy ending. dirk knows better than most that sometimes happy endings just donât happen (after all, his bro had fought so hard and the world had STILL ended -- how the fuck were they supposed to outdo that). he thinks jake is TOO soft sometimes. thatâs why he sends brobot. it wasnât exactly the best thing for him to do, but look at it from a 13 year old kidâs perspective -- jake was too scared to leave his house because of the monsters and was always saying how much he wanted to scrum!! dirk wanted to give him what he wanted and protect him in one fell swoop.
thereâs so much to cover with jake, seriously. dirkâs still in love with him as of the post-credit snapchats and probably always will be, no matter what jake thinks of him. his first love is going to stick with him, probably more severely than it would with anyone else thanks to his status as a heart player. if roxy is who dirk wishes he was, if he wasnât so intent on getting in his own way, jake is who dirk wishes he could deserve, who he wishes he was good enough for.
