Ray thinks of himself as a "burden", but then why does he keep going back to Sand, knowing how Sand feels about him, and keeps "burdening" Sand. Or does he not think of himself as a burden when he is with Sand? Does he not understand he is in fact, hurting Sand too.
I just can't understand what Ray is actually feeling for Sand at this point. What is Sand for Ray: A lover/ part-time lover/ friend/ confidante/ caretaker/someone easy to use and throw/ a booty call/ a therapist/ or an actual rebound?
Ray can both think of himself as a burden and seek out people to help carry him at the same time while also feeling bad about it.
That's been a big part of his entire time with his friend group, honestly. He calls himself a burden, they all call him a burden and then he just.... stays with them. They stay with him. They laugh at him and call him a pain in the ass and a burden and roll their eyes but they're still there.
And it's the same for Sand. Ray looks at Sand and he sees someone who keeps trying to support him and talk to him but whom he has no history with and who looks at him differently, who treats him differently.
He's a lover because he's falling in love.
He's a part time lover because neither of them is willing to face how serious this is becoming or discuss it.
He's a friend because Ray wants to be with him.
He's a confidante because Ray can talk to him because Sand can listen.
He's a caretaker because he takes care of him because that's what Sand does with his friends and lovers and family and because Ray needs to be taken care of and so desperately craves that as well.
He's someone easy to use and throw aside because Sand used him to get revenge on Top and pushed him away each time he tried to talk about their feelings and so Ray doesn't know how else to face his feelings.
He's a booty call because they've done that before and Ray would definitely like to do that again.
He's a therapist because Sand is probably the closest thing to a therapist Ray has ever seen, honestly.
Actual rebound... that's the only one I'm iffy on because I actually think that this return to Mew is more of a rebound from Sand using him him for revenge than anything else and that his feelings for Sand run deeper and more true than his feelings for Mew and that only makes them scarier and more complex.
Anyway, yes. All of the above.
They are the reason 'it's complicated' was invented to describe relationships and they will be the reason that more people start using 'it's messy as fuck' as well.
