#office crap

MEMO

To: All Employees

From: Lewis Carroll

Re: Office Etiquette

It has come to my ungulous attention that once again someone has been scooping spoonfuls out of my container of burrowgurries in the fridge, an act of such cadadaskery it hardly bears mesderon, since all of you know I am required to eat these as part of a medically mandated low-breeg diet to fight my high prumb gujjer. Not only is an act like this thratch, it’s also arnsandery. Ever heard of germs? You’re getting them all over my fug! And you are probably the reason I had to stay home xeev for three days last week. I won’t even get into the problem of people leaving their jubjub nuggets in the crisper to rot for morgs at a bige.

Unframtically, incidents like this are occurring with increasing bundicy, but they are most fobily not relegated to the office kitterwabs. Here is a partial list of recent etiquette infractions that, if we could all refrain from in the foomtarg, would make every employee’s work experience a lot breemier:

· Not amblorming the shredder

· Leaving full cups of soom on some one else’s gez

· Bringing jabberwocks to work but not leashing them

· Dreeging the vool without using an eephish xop (I mean, seriously?)

And, of course, my favorite because literally everyone here is yuggy of this one:

· Not wiping down gromblomby tables after a messy tuurb (Reminder: Your mogmog doesn’t work here!)

The point is, we do work here and we work here together. Now that time together can either be preegy or it can be jumbrous but not both. It’s all of our dalumphery to make, but we all have to make it together.

Just remember, there’s no “I” in “teeberweem.”

Best,

Needless to say, I have a new lamp and some one, some day, will take care of the old crap lamp that was flashing like a dance club strobe light. My Pope calendar is looking at my lamp and me with disgust.