Off topic ramblings for the day;
You know, my life pretty much consists of level 3 anxiety to level 300. Some days, I am totally fine. When I know I don't have to place any calls, or I don't have to go anywhere but to the kitchen and back to get a drink, I am totally fine. When I have to go out (for job interviews for instance) I get so bad I need to take meds to even get myself to be able to talk normally. I am a big introvert with a big anxiety problem.
Why am I posting about this?
Well, the only time in recent history I can remember when I was proud of myself was the first time I watched R&I film 4x08 in the marina. We didn't think we'd be able to catch them there so I didn't take any of the meds. No big deal. Until they were finishing up shooting and were packing up to go somewhere else. I was so nervous to ask anyone for a photo, like total anxiety hell. Until I couldn't spot Angie anymore (she was wearing that boot at the time so I knew she couldn't have gone far, lol). For me, getting the hell out of there and calming down in the car seemed like a much better option than staying, that's how bad it was. But I took a few breaths and started thinking about how much I would hate myself later if I didn't at least ask. So I grabbed all the courage I could find, and I asked someone where Angie was. Managed to wait for her across the street and ask for a photo. I was so proud of myself for that.
Again, why am I posting this?
Well, today I did something similar. I asked something I wouldn't normally have the courage to ask. I have rare moments (like last night) where I think 'fuck it' and just do it. Today, I did it. I asked. With shaking hands and trouble breathing. But I did it. I have no idea if I will get a positive response. But at least I asked. ['Nee heb je, ja kun je krijgen']
If I can do it, you can do it. Go out there. Find the boundaries of your comfort zone and see what it's like on the other side. It's tough. It's scary. But you never know, it could be worth it.
