#ofdread

It's been four months since my twin died and my health is totally different. I am struggling with a condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia, where each day has become a personal battle.

As a child I always felt my pain threshold was quite high, now it’s a zero, but perhaps that’s got more to do with the fact that the condition is in my head and therefore it’s become a continuous battle to keep the pain to a manageable level.

As a child I handled pain. I wasn’t a particularly sickly child, but there were occasions when I was physically sick and I needed to be mentally strong. Now is the time and truthfully I am mentally struggling. I do have feelings of dread, around a condition there seems to be little let up on.

It's a nerve issue, so I am throwing herbs and supplements at it, supplements that are known to repair the nerve. I'm also trying infrared treatment. I hope in a few weeks’ time I will look back and be thankful I got through the worst, but now is not that time.

When my dentist confirmed the illness, he made sure to tell me, IT IS NOT A DISEASE, but he also didn’t say there was an end point either. No end point, fills me with a feeling of dread, a sense of uncertainty, a physical life change. A feeling of dread of something I momentarily that I have little control over.

Add Brexit and Covid-19 into the equation and that sense of dread deepens. All I can do is continue to think positively. I am trying. Today as you're reading, it's not a good day.