((Do the cliche prince in a tower and knight in shining armor au for fitzward that'd be funny))
prompts? prompts@intriguinglymediocreI love you, Jemma, you know I do, but I took the prompt and twisted it for my needs. Also for angst purposes. This is like 10k+ plus it got away from me Leo got really sappy at the end there.
No matter how much he wanted to, Leopold could never leave the room he'd been locked away in since he was a child.
He'd heard all of the excuses there were - it was too dangerous, he was too naive to understand the world, he wasn't ready, he would be too different from everyone else. The reasoning for locking him away in the first place was sound, he wouldn't dispute that. His family had been killed by the army of a neighboring kingdom when he was too young to understand what loss was, and to protect the only heir left who could rightfully claim the throne of Northern Scotia. He was the last remaining tie they all had to royalty, and it meant he had to be watched and guarded and protected because everyone's lives depended on it.
[ read the rest below or on ao3 ]
Growing up in a tower meant that he didn't have many friends, and only knew of his guards and tutors. It was lonely but necessary just to keep him alive. He had very few tutors over the years, only because there wasn't much for him to learn. He was to come of age, marry the heir of a nearby kingdom, and forge an alliance that would protect all of their people. That was all he had to know in order to save his people, but he wasn't stupid enough to think that was all that mattered in life. There had to be more important things than that, or else the fact that people had died for him would be for nothing.
His first guard had been the man who had been in charge of protecting him since he was born, a man who went by the name of Phillip, but he hadn't lasted very long after they'd found a safe place to hide away in. Leo was barely seven years old when a team of assassins had been sent after him, tracked him down and killed the only familiar person in his life. It was terrifying, watching from where he'd been told to hide under the floorboards beneath his bed before they'd given up on trying to find him, decided the location was a decoy and left the way they came. It had taken days for anyone to show up to check in after Phil hadn't sent the weekly report, and he'd nearly starved, hidden away and too afraid to come out until he saw the familiar color of his army's blue cloaks.
After that, he'd been moved again, to the tower he'd been living in for nearly eleven years, to be left with a new guard that he'd never met before, who seemed to practically be a child himself. He liked to be called Mack, instead of his given name, and he'd always been okay with that, there wasn't a point in arguing when the man was protecting him all day every day. Mack fared better than Phil had, he'd give him that, but it wasn't enough to keep Leo protected until he came of age. Even years later, they still didn't know how they'd been found. All he knew was that he'd been left alone so that hunting could be done and they could have food for a few days, and then his guard had never returned.
Grant was even younger than Mack, and that was a bit weird to get used to at first, but they got along alright once they got used to each other. They were basically children, sent out to live in the middle of nowhere and hope they could protect each other, and especially after having two men die watching over him, Leo was hesitant to get too close to another one. But years passed, and there were no threats on his life, and he found that the man assigned to watch over him could be considered a friend, especially when he got a bit older.
Their age difference had been a bit intimidating at first, even though they were both young. Leo hadn't even been twelve years old when he'd been forced to accept that Grant would be the one to take care of him from then on out, and even though he'd been young, too, the comparison of this bigger, stronger, sixteen-year-old was a bit scary. It meant he would be protected, or it could mean that he'd be doomed if there was ever an uprising within the army - he wasn't so naive to think that everyone was just on board with potentially giving their lives just to protect the child prince. He'd read more than enough books to know that the human instinct for survival wouldn't be on his side forever. But as time went on, their age difference didn't mean as much - Leo was seventeen and Grant was twenty-two and, within a few months, they'd be the same ages that his parents had been when they'd married. It was an entirely logical gap for a friendship, so that was what they'd built in the time they'd had each other. They were alone, and there wasn't much else to do.
It wasn't until the prince was nearly eighteen that he even considered breaking the rules. He was nearly of age and he wanted to see part of the kingdom he was going to rule one day before it would all be put on his shoulders like he had any idea of what he was doing. Being shut away for so long hadn't helped him, even if it did keep him alive, it had just made him afraid. Sure, he'd been protected, but what would happen when he sat on a throne for the first time? What if he was attacked and his guards couldn't do anything because the opposition was too strong?
He had everything, in a way - protection, a kingdom that would be handed to him on a silver platter, people who were willing to give their lives for him, people who had given their lives for him - but with all of that, he was still lacking the one thing he craved the most. Leo knew he didn't have to worry much anymore, but he wanted the freedom to worry. He wanted to be able to go out and take risks, to learn to fight and defend himself, to stop caring so much about people he knew were in danger just by being near him.
( Phil and Mack hadn't done anything wrong, they were just trying to keep him safe and look at where that had gotten them. It was entirely reasonable to assume that Grant would be next, that his life would be cut short just as theirs had been before the throne was even within his grasp )
The fear was enough to give him nightmares and it wasn't uncommon for him to wake up screaming and shaking and terrified because it felt like he'd already lost the only person he had left. It was even less shocking when he couldn't fall asleep again, when he'd stay up and draw on whatever surface there was available. Sometimes it was whatever vague memory of home happened to be on his mind, but, more often than not, he'd find a spot on the wall to draw something that made him feel safe and, while Mack's face and muscles were sketched in a few places, Grant was his most common subject. But he could only draw so much until even the floor under his bed was covered with doodles and he ran out of space and he was forced to give up his hobby, which meant he just had to find a new one - not that his guard understood.
"Grant, no one knows this tower is here, you can come in and do more than just check the window and make sure I'm breathing. You come in when there's food, why can't you come in to talk?"
"Because you don't want to talk. You want to steal my sword from me and try to fight me. Last time you did that, you nearly got yourself killed."
The words were muffled through the wooden door, but Leo heard enough that he still pouted in response. He hadn't been that bad at handling a weapon, Grant was just overreacting - he'd barely scratched his thumb on the blade because he didn't know how to hold it properly, but as soon as blood had been shed, he'd been shut away again and only actually got to see his friend when it was time to eat or check the window to make sure it was locked before he went to bed. It wasn't fair. His father had known how to fight by the time he'd taken the throne. Not well, but that really wasn't the point. "I won't do that this time, promise. It's quiet in here. You don't visit anymore, you just do your job and leave. It's boring."
"Protecting you isn't supposed to be fun, Your Highness."
It really was unreasonable, the way he'd been acting. After nearly a week of being shut away like he was a prisoner instead of a prince, he wasn't so sure what to think anymore. He'd thought Grant was his friend, but if he reacted like this to one tiny injury that didn't even need to be bandaged, then what would he do if Leo's life was actually in danger? There was a chance he'd never see his guard again, and that fact always terrified him, whenever they were apart for more than a few minutes. At least if there was only the door between them, they could speak, but whenever hunting and food gathering needed to be done, he went out of his mind - what happened with Mack, and the mystery behind it, still haunted him and inspired some of his worse nightmares.
When he finally spoke, shaking himself out of his thoughts, he kept his voice quiet, barely loud enough to be heard through the inch thick barrier of the door. "I miss you."
Almost a full minute passed before he heard the key in the lock and the wood slowly swung toward him. Leo was seated on the floor, his legs crossed under him and a hopeful expression on his face. At least he was allowed a short visit, even if it would only be a polite one. That might alleviate his loneliness for a little while before he had to go back to worrying so much in his own little bubble. Maybe it would even keep his mind off the fact that he'd have to face the nightmares without his usual coping method anymore.
"I can't stay in here for long. You know that. One hour at most and then I'll do my rounds and go back to where I'm supposed to be."
His small smile faded away almost immediately at that and the prince pushed himself up onto his feet so that he wouldn't seem quite as minuscule next to his much taller friend. "You're supposed to be right by my side at all times, protecting me. People have gotten close to finding this place before, remember? You have to be ready to fight for me in case they ever actually succeed in their search - that was the excuse you used whenever you slept on the floor in here years ago. Why can't you keep using it, at least for my birthday in a few days?"
He knew he was lucky that the other man didn't get in his face, that he was still allowed personal face even after his comments. Once the kingdom was his, he wouldn't have to worry about saying something out of turn, or being too rude, because he would be king and he would make the rules himself. But, for at least a few more months, potentially years, depending on whether or not he was ready when the time came to take the throne back, he was staring at a man who, technically, had a higher rank than he did. Grant was a member of the royal guard, had been raised to devote his life to the protection of the royal family, but Leo was just a man without a family or a title.
"If you really wish for me to stay on your birthday, you have until then to decide. Just remember that you'll be of age, then - it's different, sharing a room as children, it won't be brushed off so easily if anyone finds out. It's been arranged for you to marry a princess as soon as you're back at the castle. I can't interfere with that."
That was all true, but there wasn't any reason for it to affect their sleeping arrangements. They were friends and it hadn't been a problem sharing a room until he'd tried to learn to defend himself, when he'd barely gotten hurt, when Grant started pulling away without any kind of explanation. Things between them had been completely normal until that day, and a part of him felt like he was responsible for how things had fallen apart. "Why does that matter? We're not sharing a bed, we're just talking because I feel like I haven't seen you in almost two weeks - if you don't want to, you don't have to, I can't make you do anything."
His guard let out a sigh and shook his head, moving to turn around and leave the room before the conversation could continue, not that Leo actually let him get that far. "Don't just leave. If you're mad at me for trying to take your sword, I'm sorry, but that doesn't mean you should just walk away. What if someone does find us? What if you're mad at me, so you're ignoring me, and someone finds us here, and you can't get to me in time? You have a job to do, and I don't normally pull this card, you know that, but if you don't do your job, we both die. I don't have the throne yet, but when I do, I will be your king, and if you don't protect me for that long, you will have failed your kingdom, my kingdom."
"It is not your kingdom yet." His voice held clear frustration while he spun around again and, this time, Leo barely had the space to take a deep breath while he had more words thrown at him. "You aren't the king, you're not even the prince. You're just a kid who gets everything handed to him - you've barely left this room since I've known you, and it's been six years, you get food served to you, you have personal body guards who have died for you, you have never had to actually work for anything in your life. You're a tiny little know-it-all who complains when no one pays enough attention to you. You think you can just take a weapon whenever you feel like it and play at battle like people haven't been dying in the name of royalty for centuries. Well, Leo, here's something you might not know - I haven't seen anyone but you in years, either, and I haven't seen my family since I was eight because some member of the guard near my village heard that a baby might need another bodyguard one day and thought I would be a good fit. I haven't been home in almost fifteen years because of you."
He didn't so much as take a step back, biting down on his lip so that he could keep his head and not blow up the way that Grant had. It was reasonable for them to be frustrated with each other, but this was different - he seemed angry and there was no telling what had set him off. Leo didn't think he'd done anything in the five minutes they'd actually talked that morning. "Not because of me... because of the people who killed my parents... I haven't asked anyone to do anything for me..." The only thing he asked for anymore was a bit of conversation every once in a while. The tower was too quiet if they didn't get along, but he did try to give his guard space if he needed it. If they just talked instead of shutting each other out, maybe they'd get somewhere.
"Not because of you? Do you honestly expect me to believe that? You're the only reason I'm here. You are the reason any of us have been here. I know what happened to Phil - we all heard the stories about it in training - and then Mack? How do you explain that one? No one was around, but you could have been if you weren't holed up in this damn room every day of your life! People die around you, Leo, for you, but all you do is sit around and draw and complain!"
It was then that Leo stepped back, a bit shaken by the accusation of the words and their intensity. Some of the points could be sound, but all of that? He wasn't sure if there was even a way to point out all of the flaws in the argument in a logical, organized way, even if he wasn't falling apart at the seems because it seemed like his only friend suddenly hated him for things he couldn't control. "If I'd gone out with Mack, then we'd both be dead, and- and then where would we be? You certainly w-wouldn't be here, but- but would that even be worth it-?"
"Worth it? To not have to look over my shoulder every second of the day while you sit up here in your precious little room with your easy little life? Yeah, it would be worth it."
"Do you think my life is easy?" It was impossible to keep from shouting, at that point, and if they weren't out in the middle of nowhere, they'd be attracting quite a bit of attention. Sometimes his guards had rough moods, went a little stir crazy and just needed some way to vent it, he understood that - Phil used to give him a book to keep him occupied so that he could go for a walk, Mack shut himself away in his room down the hall and took some time to himself, Grant usually could work things out on his own given enough time - but having someone shout at him, about this of all things, wasn't a good way to solve anything. "My life is not easy...! You haven't seen your family since you were eight? Everyone I've ever cared about has been killed. When I was seven, Phil made me hide under the floorboards when the cottage we were staying in was attacked, but to get me under there, they had to be loose. You think I don't know that people die around me? No one knows what happened to Mack, but I watched Phil die right in front of me, right above me. I couldn't have done anything, for either of them, because I don't have any training that would help them. The only thing I would have done is get myself killed right along with them. I've been alone here just as much as you have, so of course, I want you to talk to me every once in a while...! Who wouldn't?
"I hated you when they first sent you here. I thought they shouldn't send anyone else to protect me, because it doesn't end well for anyone..." It wasn't like he was trying to hide the fact that tears were forming in his eyes and it would be impossible to keep it hidden even if he'd tried. "What do you think most of my nightmares are about? I know your job is dangerous, Grant, believe me. No matter what you think, I'm not an idiot. Don't you think I know that people get hurt around me? That I trail death no matter how far away they move me? My parents, Phil, Mack... They don't keep me way out here for my protection, because I'm not the one who's ended up hurt - I'm all the way out here, in the middle of nowhere, with one person, so that they can keep everyone else safe. I'm bad luck...! I'm bad luck and I'm not stupid and I know that you're next!"
Silence fell between them immediately, making the air feel both hollow and heavy while it dragged on. Neither of them wanted to be the first to say anything, not when everything was still so charged - they couldn't go from fighting to having a calm conversation, or from fighting to sudden civility. They had to work something out so that the fighting wouldn't start up again, so that things wouldn't get so much worse before they actually got better.
But a conversation was the last thing on their minds and the space between them had grown when Leo stepped back but it wasn't enough to make breathing any easier. If he wasn't careful, he could potentially get distracted by the quiet warmth of their combined body heat or the fact that his guard seemed to have actually moved closer despite the fact that there was already hardly any space between them to begin with. The silence could have gone on for seconds or minutes or hours, there was no way to tell when all of his attention was being demanded by the sudden feeling of another pair of lips on his and a hand on his arm meant to hold him close for at least a few moments. Being locked away from the world for so long had made him naive, sure, but not so much as to not know what a kiss was - it was just a shock when he actually received one, and from Grant, of all people. It was something he wasn't prepared for and something he didn't know how to react to.
Just as suddenly as it had disappeared, the space between them was back, and the door had swung closed behind the one person he was most afraid to lose before he had the chance to speak up.
The drawing space he had was growing severely limited and, while most of it was gone on in a place he couldn't easily reach, Leo found a position where he could be laying on his stomach, halfway under his bed, and mark up the clean space on the wall with his pencil. It had been exactly a week since the fight and the kiss that he still didn't fully understand, and he hadn't had more than a five minute conversation with his guard since - that those conversations included exactly one happy birthday and exactly three announcements that Grant was going to be out getting food for a few hours. All that meant was that he had to stay quiet and occupied so that he wouldn't draw attention to himself in case anyone else came nearby while he was left alone. Drawing was the usual hobby he sought out to fill the void of time and it came with the added advantage of keeping his mind occupied with a distinct image instead of the memory of the feeling of lips on his.
( sometimes, he could still feel the faint tingle over his own mouth, the reminder that it had actually happened and it hadn't just dreamt it all up. that kiss was his reality and his fantasy, haunting his dreams more than the images of his terrifying past did, keeping him awake until he was too exhausted to stay that way, until his thoughts moved so quickly that they were only a blur that he could no longer understand. at least he finally understood why there were no more nights where his guard slept nearby, why his engagement was suddenly relevant to their sleeping arrangements )
It was just a normal, quiet afternoon, all things considered. At least, where he was, his drawings would be hidden from anyone he didn’t want to see them – and this was one of the very few images he wanted to keep hidden. It wasn’t uncommon for him to use Grant as a muse, but most of his previous drawings had been focused on the other man’s shoulders, or hands, or eyes, just the details he could clearly remember because he looked so often, his attention was always drawn in that direction. This image, the new one hidden at the bottom of the wall behind his bed, was focused on the exact curve of his lips, the soft lines on pink skin that he had no way of replicating the exact shade of. And that was how he planned on spending a few hours, flat against the wooden boards of the floor with his attention entirely on the image he was trying to recreate.
He hadn’t expected to hear a door downstairs opening and closing, quickly and loudly, before footsteps hit the stairs. He hadn’t expected to hear his guard’s voice long before he was supposed to be back. He hadn’t expected to be physically pulled out of his spot and to his feet as if he didn’t weigh a thing at all. But at least it didn’t take very long for him to get an explanation.
“Stay quiet, understood? You may be royalty, but right now, I am in charge. Do as I say, and I’ll make sure everything gets taken care of. I was out and heard voices, so I checked things out – they’re wearing red, Leo. There’s a trap door under your trunk and, no matter what you might hear, you need to stay down.” There wasn’t any hesitation before Grant stepped away from him, all but running to the other side of the room to push the oversized trunk a few feet so that he could reveal the silver latch underneath.
The first thing that crossed his mind was what had happened over ten years before, the last time he’d been forced to hide under the floor while someone he cared about stayed above, in the fray, in a situation that could so easily take their life. He wanted to scream and shout and plead for any other solution, for another option where they were both guaranteed survival, to kick and fight despite his lack of training and refuse to be forced into the hiding spot, but he couldn't move. Leo couldn't even find his voice to complain when he was grabbed and led over to the opening in the floor, pushed down into the hollow space that meant safety for him but for no one else. People did tend to die around him, and he had no way of stopping it, and he definitely couldn't stop it if he was stuck under the floor like he had been before. The trap door was different from the floor boards in that old cottage, and he wouldn't be able to see through them, but that didn't make it any better. He would still hear what was happening, would still know exactly what was going on above him that he was powerless to stop.
"No!" His voice shook even while he clung to his guard's arm, finally managing to shout just as he stumbled down into the hidden crevice. It would be a tight fit when the floor of the room was at the same level as his knees, but Leo was small enough and it wouldn't be the first uncomfortable position he'd been in all day, so he could manage it - but there wasn't enough room for another person. "Wait-!"
"Leo, just listen to me." Suddenly, he felt Grant's hand move away from where it was on his shoulder and then the faintest brush of skin against his cheek. They weren't all that close, not like during their fight, but the fact that the prince was so much lower down than normal only made the space between them seem that much bigger, even if it was still easy enough to fix that. When he spoke, the guard had to kneel down to be at almost his eye level. "They assigned me to protect you and I knew how dangerous it might be before I got here. I knew I might end up dead, but I still accepted the assignment because it's my job. My job is to protect you and make sure you live long enough to take the kingdom back. You're not quite there, yet, so I've got work to do. Now, they are coming and, based on when I saw them last, the door downstairs could be busted at any moment. So, let me do my job and stay quiet so that they can't find you."
In the week since their argument and the kiss that still had no real explanation, Leo had spent a lot of time in his head. He'd wondered, on more than one occasion, whether all kisses were like that - short and barely there but still wonderful - or if some of the books that he'd read described what a kiss could be - full of emotion and passion, things that couldn't possibly be conveyed by tactile means. It was there, standing in the opening to that trap door, terrified of how the rest of the day would end up going, that he learned the truth. Unlike their first kiss, this one didn't come and go in an instant and it wasn't nearly as soft and he had to follow the instinct to reach out and grab onto Grant's arms just to stay on his feet. This kiss was far more intense and he thought that, maybe, he understood what it meant to share emotions with an action. At least, he hoped it wasn't just his own errant emotions that were spiked by the feeling of an almost familiar pair of lips on his, or by the hand that had moved to the back of his neck to make the moment last that much longer, or by the lack of air in his lungs that made him feel dizzy. It couldn't just be him who was affected like that.
And then they separated again and there was just one last brush of a thumb over his cheek before he was forced to sit down. He didn't even try to look at Grant, didn't want to when he knew how everything was likely to end, but he did as he was told, and he listened. "Stay down here and stay quiet until I come back to get you or until someone else from the royal guard comes by. I'm supposed to check in tomorrow, but if they don't get a letter, they will send someone to check things out. No matter what's happening out here... Leo, please... stay down and stay quiet and stay safe - I don't know what will happen if we went through all of this and then I couldn't even protect you..."
Leo's next breath was slow and unsteady, but he managed to nod his head before lowering himself into the hiding place that had been created for him. Between the fear he heard in those words and the leftover shock from the kiss, he didn't have any focus left to fight anymore. He would do as he was told and hide in the necessary, uncomfortable position until given the direction to do otherwise. And, just as the door was closed over him, he heard another door opening down below.
It felt like he'd been hidden for hours and it had been a long time since he'd heard so much as someone shuffling around nearby. He wasn't stupid; he knew that Grant was likely outnumbered by whoever had come to attack them and that no amount of training would make a single man capable of taking out an army, but he'd still been stupidly hopeful. He'd still tried to believe that his guard, his best and only friend, had somehow been strong enough to do just that, that he'd worked around the system of logic and won the fight, anyway.
That hope faded more and more the longer he was forced to sit in silence, desperate to hear any signs of life just so that he would know he wasn't completely alone, even if the survivor was someone who had come to try to kill him.
The time that passed seemed to drag on and Leo had no way of knowing just how long he'd been hiding by the time he heard the latch above his head being pulled at until the trap door slowly swung upward and open. He could see light from the room above on either side of him, but with the way his head was down, he couldn't tell who had opened it in the first place. Grant and the rest of the royal guards were the only people who knew about it, but it could have easily been revealed during the battle depending on how close they'd gotten to his hiding spot in the first place. Terror was the only thing he could process for a long moment, in the seconds when he didn't know if someone was coming to help him or stab him and let him bleed right there.
By the time he felt a hand on his back, he was sure he was going to die, certain that the survivor was someone in red who had come to kill him and leave his body behind for someone to discover. He was shaking too much to fight back when he felt himself being lifted out of his hiding space by surprisingly gentle hands. If he didn't know any better, he'd think it was someone from his side of the fight coming by to retrieve him after the fight ended in one of the worst ways possible, but that didn't work with how much time had passed - he hadn't been hidden for a full day, let alone long enough for someone to realize something was wrong and come by to check on things. The only person who was close enough to get to him that quickly, who would be so gentle in helping him out and then tug him in close to their chest, was the one person who was most likely to be one of the casualties of the fight that had taken place.
"I think this is the first time you've ever actually listened to me..." The sound of Grant's voice made all of his tensed muscles relax and it didn't take long at all for him to end up clinging to the guard's shirt and squeezing his eyes shut. "Hey... we're okay... we should leave and find somewhere else to stay for a while - they know where we are, now, and we can't stay here very long. Grab a few things, some clothes are really all you need, and then we are leaving as soon as I get cleaned up."
The smell that filled the room wasn't a good one, by any means. It was a putrid combination of sweat, blood, and death and it made the air around them feel heavy and damp. Leo actually felt sick to his stomach, sitting there for so long in the stench and trying to ignore the fact that he could feel something sticky on his fingers while he clung to his friend. He knew they needed to move, but he didn’t want to, not yet. He was still processing the fact that there was actually a guard he hadn’t gotten killed, that they were both alive and mostly unscathed. It was the first time he’d ever had a guard survive a battle with the soldiers in red and the idea of letting go was too terrifying to linger on. If he let go, the dream he must be living in might fade away, and he’d be right back under that trap door, hiding while the only friend he had was slaughtered above him. No, he definitely wasn’t going to let go yet.
After a few moments, his fingers were gently pulled away from the stained material of Grant’s shirt while the guard tried to gain enough freedom of movement to get to his feet and start gathering their things. So, the prince with no crown was left to sit on the wooden floor, taking unsteady breaths and desperately trying to keep himself calm so that they could actually be productive and get somewhere safe. If they knew where to look, where to find him, he had to be moved so that there wouldn’t be another instance where his life would be in immediate danger. But he couldn’t move, not when things still hadn’t quite settled enough for him to even breathe properly.
( there was a body just a few feet away from him and the terrifying part of that was how close the man in red had gotten to finding his hiding spot. he couldn't even bring himself to care much that the man was dead or that he knew exactly who had done the killing. leo was too shaken by the fact that he could have been found and killed if his luck had continued the way it always had, if grant had been one of the casualties of the battle )
It took a moment before he could force himself to move, standing on shaky legs and focusing on making sure air flowed into and out of his lungs the way it was supposed to. Any panic he wanted to feel could wait until they weren't in desperate need of safety, so with one more slow, careful breath, he made himself focus on the task at hand. He couldn't be much of a king when the time came if he shut down at the slightest hint of danger and that was something he needed to work on if he wanted to make it clear that he had every intention of proving himself worthy of his title.
Not letting himself react to the smell any more than he already had, or lingering on the fear that was still making a home for itself in the forefront of his mind, Leo made sure to keep breathing while digging into his trunk for a sack and enough clothes to fill it so that they could get moving as quickly as possible. There was no way of knowing if their hidden tower had been stumbled upon by accident or sought out deliberately, which meant they could be looking at another group of soldiers wanting to kill them just as desperately as the last ones did. Getting far away as quickly as possible was their best chance of continued survival and, even then, they needed to find a way to contact the people on their own side of the fight to let them know what was going on. Technically, for five days, he'd been of age, and that meant showing that he was ready to step into the role of ruler no matter when the moment would come, whether it was the next week or years down the road.
He had a lot to prove, but he could start by showing that a threat on his life didn't completely terrify him, even though it did.
It had been ten years since Leo had left the tower and his fascination with the world around him slowed them down. Grant didn’t blame him for being curious – he was still practically just a kid, and he hadn’t seen the grass and trees so close in so long that he’d forgotten what they felt like. They had to move slow and that may cause a few problems later in their day, but, for the moment, they were relatively safe, and they didn’t have to necessarily run just to get to a new hiding spot when there weren’t any signs of immediate danger. If the prince wanted to stop, every once in a while, to pick up leaves or watch the breeze ripple blades of grass, he could.
Of course, moving slowly meant that it was after nightfall when they actually reached somewhere they could stop for the night. The cottage was small and there was no choice but to share a room if they both wanted to get some rest, but they could get moving again as soon as the sun was up. They just needed to get some sleep before they could keep walking, and if it meant they had some time to make sure they really were okay after what had happened, that was even better.
There was a small cooking area in the building, though it really wouldn’t do much for them if they didn’t have time to go out and either hunt or forage for something to make. The main room was big enough that they could both move around comfortably if they really felt the urge, but there was only one bed and no extra blankets and that meant the floor was not an option for the guard who might have taken that opportunity had it been available to him. Since their argument, and Leo realizing why they’d had it in the first place, he’d been careful to keep his distance unless it was absolutely necessary for the space between them to shrink to less than a few feet – like it had been when the tower had been attacked.
He still wanted to talk about things instead of putting everything off, but he’d never get the chance with how their time was being spent. There was very little light between the moon through the window and the single wax lamp on the table near the bed while Leo used a cool, damp cloth to clean the rest of the dried blood from his friend’s injured soldier. With the number of men in the company that had staged the attack on them, it wasn’t a surprise that there had been a few cuts and scrapes along the way to temporary victory, but he didn’t try to hide his concern, careful not to agitate the would he was cleaning as gently as possible.
A pained hiss made the prince step back quickly, but he didn’t fight when a hand gently pulled him back toward the bed by his arm. With all of the distance that had been kept between them for so long, he’d almost forgotten what it was like to actually participate in physical contact, even if it was just something as simple as a hand at his elbow. Things between them had been strained, and it was miserable trying to step around each other, but, apparently, that didn’t have to go on for much longer.
“It needs to be cleaned, Leo. I don’t care if it hurts, it’ll only get worse if it’s not taken care of as soon as possible.”
The prince was still hesitant, taking a deep breath before reaching out and gently pressing the wet cloth to the wound that had stopped bleeding during their walk. Even though the bleeding had stopped, it didn’t look good, and the best course of action might just be to bandage it, but they didn’t have the supplies for that, and keeping it under a layer or two would have to do. It wasn’t the only injury that Grant had sustained, but it was the worst, and the last one that needed to be taken care of before they could rightfully let themselves relax. With tense shoulders, Leo made sure there wasn’t any fresh blood on the cloth when he pulled it back again, letting out a slow breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in.
He’d been locked up in his tower for so long that his memories of anything that happened before that were fuzzy at best, and it was a surprise whenever he came up with details about something that didn't involve some kind of painful experience - whether it was from Phil's death or when the palace had been attacked or something as recent at Mack's disappearance. The memory that came to the front of his mind without his permission was older than all of those, so old that he wasn't sure if it was entirely real. As a child, he'd always been excited to explore and play in the gardens, and that occasionally meant running too fast and tripping and getting hurt. There were plenty of days where he'd been in the gardens, hurt and distraught, and his mother had been the one to find him sitting on a bench. She was the one to press a kiss to any kind of scrape or bruise that he'd acquired, to give him a hug and make sure he was okay and then send him back to his games. He thought she was magic, and a part of him had never let go of the childish theory because her kisses somehow always succeeded in making even the worst scratches seem like they'd healed in an instant. It had never exactly been disproven.
While reaching over to grab his guard's shirt from where it had been discarded toward the end of the bed, he didn't let himself be hesitant for the first time since they'd arrived. It was just the softest of gestures while he was already so close, a brush of his lips over the skin of his friend's shoulder, but it was enough for the other man to tense and reach out to grab his arm before he could get to the material of the shirt a few feet away. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
The words were practically hissed while the grip on his arm held him in place and it took a moment for him to breathe. He hadn't done anything wrong, not really - he was just showing affection the way he knew how, and he didn't have many examples to look back on. His guard had nearly lost his life protecting his, and showing an inkling of how much that meant to him wasn't a crime. At least, it shouldn't be, not with how subtle it was compared to the things Grant had done. After a moment, Leo pulled his arm free, a clear frown on his face while he let out a huff - his guard was allowed to show affection as much as he wanted, with no limits, and there wasn't any issue, but as soon as he did anything to show his own feelings, no matter how small it was, he had to give reasoning behind it and come up with excuses as to why someone of the royal family would stoop so low as to comfort his best friend after a fight that nearly killed him.
"Nothing like what you did back in the tower. I'm just trying to make sure you're okay, and... and I was thinking of my mother, and someone kissing an injury is supposed to make it feel better, right?"
At first, he wasn't sure if he had even been heard with how long it took for him to get any kind of reaction. It took too long for his friend to speak up, to get to his feet and use their differences in height to impose control over the situation. ( it wasn't a new experience, not really. it was something grant did whenever their conversations drifted to something besides simple small talk when he'd first arrived at the tower, and then it came up again the closer leo got to his eighteenth birthday, and anytime they had been in the same room since the first time they'd kissed ) But he did eventually get a reaction, their gazes locked and the space between them carefully maintained. "All kisses do is complicate things. They make messes of situations that were already neat and orderly. And it's not appropriate for someone like you to show affection like that to someone like me - so don't do it."
The lack of proper explanation made him pause, and Leo was shocked enough that he couldn't make himself move until after his guard had already stepped around him. Then, he had to take a deep breath just to turn around, angry and confused after everything that had happened in the past two weeks. If it wasn't appropriate, then why had he received two kisses before they'd gone on the run? If it wasn't appropriate, then what gave Grant permission to break such a rule while he was bound to it? It wasn't fair, and he knew that life couldn't always go exactly the way he wanted it, but he wasn't going to let this go by without showing how he felt about it. He'd been terrified, under that trap door, and had every reason to believe that his best friend had been killed, but as soon as he tried to convey how much his friend mattered to him, he was shut down.
"If it's not appropriate, then why do you do it? You kissed me first - twice - and it doesn't matter. You won't sleep on my floor for just one night because I want to have a good time on my birthday because you say it's inappropriate, but you'll kiss me and walk away, or kiss me and then fight for me, and that's not?" With a shake of his head, the prince took a step forward and inhaled a slow breath so that he could speak again, his voice steady despite his nerves. "You kissed me. Right before an attack, seconds before they came in, you delayed preparing to fight for that. You could have gotten us both killed, Grant, but sure, I'm the one who's not being appropriate."
They were friends, and he hated arguing with the only other person in his life, but there was a new kind of pressure that came from finally being old enough to take the throne whenever he was ready, and it was so much easier to get frustrated with the little things. This wasn't little. This was the kind of treatment he'd get as a kid - he wasn't allowed to do something, but an adult could turn around and do it just because they were older than him. Age may give people power, but it wasn't a good enough reason to keep him from doing things when he was of age, and he could hold more power than they did in a matter of days if things went well.
"Leo-"
"No. I just wanted to make sure you were okay because you're hurt. You're the one who risked our lives for the sake of- for the sake of what? What were you even doing, Grant? We were both scared, I'm not mad at you for that, but right then? Even I know you should have been preparing to fight, not focusing on kissing me." Taking another slow breath, he stepped forward again and bit his tongue for a moment before going back to his train of thought. "Why? Why did you do it? It wasn't even like the other one - it wasn't like you were careful with it, you made it last. Those seconds could have gotten us killed but you took your time anyway." It didn't make any sense, the more he thought about it. Someone like Grant, someone trained to be careful and prepared at every moment, wouldn't have taken up precious time like that without a very good reason, and no matter how hard to think of one, Leo couldn't find any kind of proper motivation for it. There wasn't enough logic to explain such a risk, something so dangerous that it should have been stopped before it even had the chance to start. "What made kissing me take priority over keeping us both alive?"
There was quiet again, and he expected that. It was a heavy question with no answer that would satisfy both of them, and he didn't even really want a perfect answer. He just wanted the truth so that he could figure it all out in his head and get some rest. They needed to keep moving, but they wouldn't be able to get anywhere if they kept fighting the way they were.
His guard broke the silence, and his voice was just low enough that it could almost be considered soft. It wasn't normal behavior, he could pinpoint that immediately, and that alone was enough to make Leo tense. "Because... because I thought I was going to die. There was a team of people coming to kill us, and I'm just one guard. I thought they were going to kill me, so... so, I kissed you." After a moment, Grant's shoulders visibly rose and fell with the deep breath he took, and he gave a small shake of his head before shifting his gaze down to the floor. "I... I think you can guess that I didn't exactly mind the first one, but... I wanted just- just one real kiss before I died. With you, if possible. So, I took my chance. But I can't do it anymore - you're engaged, and I'm not royal. I... it can't happen again."
Quiet fell between them again and, this time, neither of them planned on breaking it. Leo was well aware of the fact that feelings tended to form in the instance of people being stuck together for a long period of time, he just hadn't realized it was happening right in front of him. He cared about Grant, had gotten attached despite all logic and past experiences, but feelings beyond that were never on his mind. They were best friends, and he was perfectly happy to keep things like that. He was a prince with no home, with no army, with no family. All he had was the guard he cared about more than was necessarily safe. If either of them got hurt, there was the potential for their feelings to get in the way, to make it dangerous for anyone else around.
The way he felt was different than how his best friend did, but Leo didn't think he cared any less. He had someone who was willing to fight for his life, to give up their life just so that he could keep his, and he knew when they were moments away from being attacked that he would do the same. If it came down to saving his guard or saving himself, he knew what he would pick, no matter how crazy it was. With his bloodline and the title he would soon have, he would have to get used to the idea of people dying for him, fighting for him, willingly putting his life before theirs. It was a terrifying thought process, that he would have so many people ready to defend him for no reason besides who his parents were and the fact that he had a bigger house than they did. He didn't want that, didn't want any kind of needless violence and death in his name, but he didn't have much of a choice.
But he did have a choice in whether or not the one friend he had was part of that army, in whether or not he let his own feelings grow beyond what they already were.
Leo took a pointed step forward and didn't let himself hesitate, clinging to the feeling that came from that moment before he was forced down into the hiding space in the tower. He brought his hands up to carefully located uninjured spots on his friend's shoulders and pulled him down so that he wouldn't have to stretch more than just to stand on his toes, making sure their lips met in his desperate attempt to bring that feeling back. His stomach twisted the moment space was forcibly formed between them, but he didn't try to fight Grant's need for it, instead, taking a few willing steps back while taking a shaky breath. If he was so set on their kisses never happening again, he could try to respect that, but he didn't have to be happy with it, which was likely made clear by the frown pulling at his recently free lips.
It was something he wanted, even if he didn't quite understand it. He wanted that feeling of maybe they could have more, maybe this could happen just one more time before they had to stop exploring whatever those feelings could be. Maybe, maybe, he didn't have to stop at friendship, but he wouldn't ever know unless he had the chance to actually try anything, and he couldn't try anything if he wasn't allowed to kiss the one person he knew wouldn't mind it. It didn't have to be forever. They could just try something for a few days, and drop it if it didn't work or if they needed to focus on their responsibilities, instead. Forever was for marriages and promises. This didn't have to be forever, it didn't have to be a promise. They could just try for a little while.
"Please...?"
As a member of the royal family, he knew he wasn't supposed to ask for what he wanted. He'd been raised with the message that he was supposed to order people to do as he wanted, and they would listen, but he wasn't completely heartless. Maybe he just wanted to try something out, but he wouldn't make Grant do anything he wasn't comfortable with doing. For once, he was going to ask for something instead of requesting it, and, hopefully, it wouldn't blow up in his face. He almost thought that he wouldn't get an answer, that he'd just be told to go about his routine to get ready to sleep for a little while, but, at the last moment, he got exactly what he wanted.
Just like the first time, the lips that met his were soft and hesitant, but there was a lower layer of desperation that he couldn't fully dissect while focusing on the wonderful feeling that was building in his stomach. It was like the moments before he hid, that need to feel more, to keep the space between them small or nonexistent, but he pushed it down - this wouldn't go any further than a kiss or two unless his guard requested otherwise. He needed to keep his want at a minimum so that the wrongs buttons didn't get pushed, so that no one got hurt, so that they could keep their friendship even if the idea of friendship and kisses didn't quite work for them.
The kiss was longer than their first few, and Leo held onto the feeling for as long as he could. He could feel the tingling that came with the ghost of lips that had been pressed so pointedly to his, and his skin was warm near his waist where a hand had come to rest, and he wanted more as soon as he was able to realize that they parted mainly so that they could both get a breath of air. But his guard didn't move to close the space between them again, and he wasn't going to do it himself until he knew where they stood. The next move wasn't his to make.
While silence lingered between them, neither of them moved to step away. The prince had his hands resting on the bare arms of the man he so desperately wanted to keep close, but he wasn't holding on as tightly as he wanted to, mostly because he was comfortable just being as close as he was. They didn't need to cling to each other, not with how calm things were in that moment. For the time being, they were safe and closed off from the rest of the world and nothing else mattered but their shared body heat and their breaths mingling in the easy space they kept between them. Eventually, the silence was broken, but they weren't arguing, and Grant's words were soft and careful, like the very air he was saying them with was fragile and would shatter if he wasn't oh so careful.
"If you want this, you should know that no one will approve. Any kind of relationship we have will make people question your ability to lead. Don't make this choice lightly."
Leo knew that he had a lot to think about, that he had an engagement and a potential alliance to think about. Even if nothing came from this, there would still be questions he might not be able to answer if his exploration with his personal guard became public. If he chose to pursue something with his best friend, he might have to face the judgement of his people and work that much harder to prove that he was capable of leading an entire kingdom; if he didn't, but it got out anyway, he'd have to explain why it fell apart, or why he worked to hide it. There wasn't a sure way to avoid conflict, but he knew what he wanted in that exact moment, and his choice had absolutely nothing to do with what his people would want or how it would affect the kingdom that wasn't even his, yet.
Taking a breath, he lifted his chin and stood up straighter, seeking out a soft kiss before trying to find his voice. His words were just as soft and careful as Grant's had been, but he was certain that the answer was the one he wanted to give. "I'm tired and I want to go to sleep. I want you to be there when I close my eyes and I want you to be there with me when I wake up again. I don't care what anyone else thinks and I never will. The kingdom isn't mine, yet, and, until it is, it's none of their business what I do - even then, my private life means nothing about my ability to rule. No matter what happens, you're still my best friend. You're the one constant in my life, and I don't want that to change. I don't care what you're doing while I have you around, I just want you there."
And, for the first time since he'd had to flee his home just to stay alive, he really thought about what it would be like if everything had worked out the way it was supposed to. If it had, he'd be living in the palace with his parents, probably still engaged for the sake of an alliance that he barely understood. Phil might still be alive and that would have been rather interesting to see. But Leo didn't want it. He missed his parents, and he missed his old guards, and he knew that a terrible thing had happened to the kingdom that he had to find a way to erase the effects of. So much bad had happened, no one ever looked at the little twists and turns that came from it all, the little pieces of good that made some of it worth it.
If everything hadn't gone so horribly, hadn't completely gone to hell and left him with nothing, he never would have been able to appreciate his best friend.
