#ofbb 2017

The First Life

December 31st, 2020.

“Happy new year, Ollie!” Says the girl on the other side of the phone, the buzz in her voice clear even through all the noises from the background.

“There’s still a few more hours for me here, Speedy” he answers, deciding not to voice his worry again, Oliver knows very well this was a lost cause, “Any chance I’ll see you next year? It’s been too long since you’ve been in Star City”.

“You know 2020 was a difficult year for all of us, Ollie, it’s easier if you come here. There’s nothing left in Star City for us anyway,” she says in a sigh, clearly not interested in talking about that. “Listen, I have a party to go back to. Call me if you decide to visit”.

“Thea...”, he starts but she has already hung up, ending the conversation as quickly as all the last ones.

Oliver just closes his eyes, turning off his phone. He knows he won’t receive any other call today, he’s lucky enough his sister remembered him as it is. It’s been over four years since Thea moved to the East Coast and he can count on the fingers of one hand how many times he has seen her since and all of them ended up in fights, about how much she’s drinking, about what she’s doing with her life. Not that he blames Thea, he’s not the best example either, and leaving the city might have been the best for her. She was right when she said there wasn’t anything left in Star City.

Nothing but destruction and death.

He dresses in his suit, putting the hood once more. He’s the last vigilante of Star City, the only one remaining after Wild Dog disappeared a few months back, like so many others before him. Oliver only knew Rene from their night job, they had only teamed up a couple times, but he still felt his absence in the streets of the city.

It’s better like this anyway, Star City is his responsibility. He tried working with a team and what happened? Betrayals and deaths, that’s what. He patrols the city every night, but he knows there’s no point to it anymore, the city is a mess. The police are corrupted, has been for so many years that no one even tries to deny it anymore, no mayor or type of government has even lasted for over a year, the only people who didn’t immediately fled the city after the last disaster were the ones who didn’t have anywhere else to go, and this number is getting slower every day.

He wonders how different things could’ve turned out to be. If he had never been on that boat… If he had been able to stop Malcolm or Slade or Darhk... Tommy, Laurel, Quentin, Roy and his parents might all still be alive, happy, living their life like they were supposed to. Thea wouldn’t have gone away, living party after party to forget what she went through. Even Sara might have stayed around that time, instead of doing whatever she was doing these days.

Maybe John would still be his friend. Oliver looks at his phone, wonders if Diggle would even answer if he called, if all those years were enough to forgive him… Oliver is never going to find out, Diggle is better off without him in his life, living with his wife and kids away from all of that. At least he and Lyla are alive, that’s more than he can say about most of people whose lives he touched.

Oliver is the only one who stayed, now he’s having some difficulty remembering why. For the last eight years, he’s tried to save the city, he’s dressed up and put arrows in how many people were necessary to make it safe and, every year, a new threat emerged and he was unable to stop it. Maybe he wasn’t their savior, but their doom, somehow attracting all the chaos to everyone’s life.

He looks down to his watch, noticing it’s midnight. He’s in the top of a building, in the center of the city, the only place where there’s still people living, but there’s no celebration to be heard. The habitants of Star City have no reason to celebrate a new year arriving, Oliver included.

Oliver runs all the way through what’s left of the city, it’s even more dead than he has even seen. There’s nothing left for him here. There’s nothing left of him either.

 ~~

 Felicity is laughing when she opens the door to her apartment, it isn’t a full-on laughter, but the alcohol helps. It’s a little over two a.m., too soon to come over from a new year’s party, but Mike insisted on coming home early and, to be honest, Felicity didn’t complain much. Wayne’s party were always more fancy than fun, and most of them were interested in talking business.

“Now the real party can start,” she says to Mike, grinning while she drops her coat in the couch and walked in his direction. Mike just smiles and pulls her closer by the hand, kissing her.

“It’s January 1st,” he states, forehead pressed with hers; Felicity just hums in response, “It’s been two years since we started dating.”

They had been sleeping together for a while before that, but it was only after the year changed that Mike had the courage to ask her to make things official.

“Yes, then let’s celebrate,” Felicity answers, starting her way through opening his shirt when his hands stop her. “What’s wrong, hon?”

“Nothing. You’re perfect”, Mike says, his eyes bright as ever, “I love you so much, Felicity”, he steps back, making her frown, “I’ve been thinking of that for so long and… I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” before she can react, he’s off to the couch, searching for something in his coat.

“Mike…,” she starts, but it’s too late, he’s already kneeling in front of her, a small box in his hands.

“Felicity Smoak, will you marry me?”

For someone who talks as much as her, she finds herself with a great lack of words at this time. Felicity is paralyzed. Saying she didn’t see this coming would’ve been a lie, she wasn’t oblivious to Mike’s heart eyes and he wasn’t exactly great at secrets either, but didn’t think he would ask her now, in the middle of the night, after a party. She didn’t have enough time to think of what she’d answer.

“Felicity? If this is too soon, I can wait, I’m not trying to pressure you… You can just pretend I’ve never said anything,” Mike is already up again, stumbling to hide the ring in his coat again, his face red with shame.

Mike is one of the nicest guys of Gotham, he’s an engineer in Wayne Enterprises, they met each other when she was promoted from IT to the Science department over five years ago, and they’ve been together for two of those years. He’s nerdy, cute and not awful in bed… And she’s absolutely not in love with him.

She wishes she was. She tried to, pretended to be. But there’s no denying it for herself, she’s not and has never been in love with Mike. When she got out of MIT and moved to Gotham, she just wanted to live a simple life. After all that happened with Cooper, she just wanted a quiet life… She can have that with Mike.

She’s not hiding herself in IT anymore, she’s got a nice job, it’s not the highest paying at the company, but Bruce Wayne knows who she is and most of her coworkers are admired by her skills. She has fun at work and, when she gets too bored, she hacks for fun, staying away from anything too illegal.

Felicity can marry Mike. They would have pretty children, they could move to a bigger apartment. They would work together in projects, pick their kids at day-care at Wayne Enterprises at the end of day, catch up on TV shows and then sleep at night. She could be happy.

But she wouldn’t be fulfilled.

“I’m so sorry, Mike,” she says finally, knowing there’s no way out of that, “I can’t do this.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay, really, you’re not ready, I get it…” Mike laughs in a nervous way, trying to put his hands in the pants’ pockets but somehow failing to get it right.

“It’s not that,” she interrupts, “You’re amazing, Mike, but I’ll never be ready”.

“We don’t need to get married!”

“Stop,” she sighs, “It’s not going to work, Mike, I’m sorry but we should break up.”

That finally makes Mike stop talking, he doesn’t have anything to say to that, the embarrassment is giving place to hurt and Felicity can see that in his eyes. She knows Mike too well to know the tears will start soon, she doesn’t want to be there to see it, she already feels really bad as it is.

“I’m really sorry,” she says again, “I’ll find somewhere else to sleep today, okay?”

Felicity is out of the door even before he can process what she’s said. She doesn’t have anywhere to go, she can get a cab and try to find a hotel with a room available, but instead she just walks around the streets. It’s the first day of 2021 and she broke up with her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend, who she works with and will have to see again every day, unless one of them change jobs. She broke his heart, she should be the one to change. It’s not like it’s her dream job anyway…

She’s going to be 32, single and without a job. What does she have going on with her life? Something is clearly missing and maybe she’ll never find out what.

 ~~

 The sun rises in the west coast of the United States, the first of the year. Oliver watches it from the top of a random building, there’s no crime happening, his bow is resting on the floor, a few feet from him. He’s resting on the ground, trying to find one good thing to look forward to.

Felicity is sitting on the stairs of her building entrance. The sun is rising, so she knows it’s been a few hours, she has walked in circles over her neighborhood and stopped in the same place where she started. A good metaphor for her life, she thinks. It’s late enough that Mike would be sleeping, she could get into the apartment and get some of her stuff, but she’s too much of a coward to do that.

With the tiredness of a long day and a long year, both Oliver and Felicity close their eyes. The feeling that something went wrong in their lives is present in their hearts, an emptiness that won’t go away and that they can’t name, not yet. Without realizing, they doze off.