#ocreview

Submitted by: Nimbg

Reviewed by: Mod Charle

I’m back again! I’ve revised Nim’s backstory a little. Sorry if I’m spamming.

Not at all :)

Nim Is a pagan wolf-god hailing from eastern Europe. She was associated with a small tribe that lived south of the Danube. Her worship was at its strongest around 680 A.D. and started fading 864 when Christianity was accepted in her territory. From then on she was mostly remembered by soldiers who invoked her protection when going to battle.

From my memory of World History, I’m pretty sure Christianity was accepted into eastern Europe earlier than 864 A.D. I assume around 300-400 A.D. I could be wrong, but check online to make sure the facts are correct.

In the 11th century was the final nail in her coffin, when The first Bulgarian empire fell under Byzantine rule. At that time not only did she get in trouble with the Christian God but with the old Greek pantheon who still had considerable amount of followers. She was wiped off the face of history. This, however, didn’t mean she died. Reduced to nearly a human Nim continued attempting to help her people in any way she could think of.

How did she get in trouble? Was it her fault or was she played into taking the blame? Expand a little more on how she fell from God status. 

During the rise of the second Bulgarian empire she was getting tired, as much as she loved her people, as much as she missed them worshipping her, without power the task became torturous. This is the time she got most of the scars on her body.

Was she physically wounded in battle, or was it all mental and psychological breakdowns that “impurified” her in a way? Basically, how did she get the scars (literally)?

Finally she gave up when the Ottoman empire marched on the land. She had no power left and couldn’t bare seeing her people forced to accept another religion, so she fled. During the age of paganism she had met many lesser deities and now sought refuge with some of them. She spend the next 650 years wondering Asia. The place was surprisingly hospitable, some of the deities who sheltered her even shared some power.

Nice Gods helping my girl out !!! If Nim was in Asia, however, she would run into the Gods of Confucianism, being it was the biggest religion in most Asian countries during the time (and Buddhism). Due to the large religions already present, I’m not sure the Gods would be so accepting of Nim. Christianity was also in Asia at this time already. Maybe specify the region of Asia in which Nim sought refuge in, just to clarify she wasn’t associated or interacting with the the major religions’ gods.

Nim had received news that Bulgaria was once again liberated, but was too scared to go back. With the turn of the century there was a stir in the world of gods. Apparently after the two world wars and who knows what else, humans had finally done something that caused the Christian God and most of the remaining pagan gods to forsake humanity and go do their own thing. Nim never truly understood what that event was but it was enough motivation for her to return.

This is a MAJOR time skip. We went from the first century all the way to the 20th century in a flash. I would just elaborate a little more on what Nim was doing during this time. Although it may not be totally important or relevant, adding extra information will give readers a better explanation on what Nim’s motives and emotions are.

Back in Christian land the angels were scrambling to maintain the religion but much like the gods of old were failing. The downfall had begun. When she returned Nim found that a lot of people were now atheists, choosing to leave gods behind altogether.

This information would suffice. After the world wars, I would imagine the gods getting irritated with human interaction. However, although atheism has peaked during the modern era, other religions such as Catholicism and Islam really show. But this is an OC and stuff so I think it’s fine if a little bit of history is warped.

However with the advance of science the world had become much more interesting. It was becoming increasingly obvious that things aren’t as they seem, and even the gods didn’t know the complete workings of the world. Nim made herself a quiet life as an officer in reserve while studying biology on the side.

I’m just curious, but why biology? Psychology would be best if Nim were to try to understand why humans became atheists, so why did she decide to study bio?

After about 10 years of this Christianity found her again, this time in the form of the devil king who had gotten bored and had decided to do something similar to her. He had spotted her unique essence and curiosity led him to approache her. He introduced himself as Versebute, turns out he was a descendant of the original Devil. 

I kinda like the way the story is headed, but a timeline would be much appreciated, with specific dates. Nim has been alive so long, a chronological timeline of actions and events would make understanding everything a lot easier.

Versebute had a crystal logged in his chest and when Nim asked what it was he explained that it linked devils to the dark realm letting them ise magic in the human world without the power of human souls or faith. He told her that angelic halos did the same and that while in their respective realm andels used their wings and demons their horns to draw power. And that some gods had also figured out how to do so which led to them losing interest in humanity. So it wasn’t humanity’s fault after all. 

OOooooh I like. It’s getting interesting. Gods are starting to give up on humanity and enjoy themselves. I like.

Nim asked him if it was possible for him to give her a crystal while she figured out how to draw power for herself. The devil agreed on the condition that she accompany him in his quest to “find something interesting because I’m bored”.

And with that, Nim X Versebute has begun.

So he had a collar, that had a crystal pendant, made for her.It was both to honor their agreement and a little joke on the devil’s side because Nim was a “pup”. Said collar became Nim’s most praised possession.The markings on her face, also known as demon markings, appeared after prolonged exposure to the dark realm’s power. Even after so many years it’s still difficult for Nim to live life for herself, she began protecting him and even won herself the title of his personal guard and advisor even though he was strong enough and needed no real protecting.

I like how Nim’s story is going. I honestly think this has the potential to become an actual story thrown into a book, although many critiques and changes need to be made, of course. If you make Versebute and give him a backstory and such, I would LOVE to review him! He already seems like the type of character I like. Great jon on Nim though! You definitely dug deeper into her life this time.

Thanks for reading, and I hope this helps! ☆d(o⌒∇⌒o)b

**All OC credit goes to nimbg

Review by: Mod Charle (Pretty sure Mod Jason doesn’t care about anything unless one of his fandoms are requested)

Name: Mikha Age: 19 Height: 180 cm (without horns and it can vary) Weight: 48 kg Hair color: Black (with two blonde strands when in human form) Eye color: Bright green with black selera Likes: Extreme cold weather, forests, snow, peace and quiet, traveling Dislikes: Greedy people, cannibalism (hates himself for having eaten human flesh), fear, feeling helpless, pointless murder of animals and especially humans.

Mikha is a young man who lives in a village that gets isolated form the world every winter. 

What kind of world is this? Our earth? A different dimension? It would be better to give more information on what kind of area/world this village is in.

He recently joined the group of hunters and gatherers and awaited the first time he’d leave the village during winter. The group consisted of Mikha, two other boys, their father, and one of the village elders. 

Again, I’d like to emphasize the location, and the time period. Villages were mostly common in the past and there are not many known today.

When the day arrived the group headed to the now sleeping, freezing forest, looking for roots, moss but most importantly meat. The hunt was going terrible. The only animal they had seen was a long rotten deer carcass. As the day went by they became increasingly desperate. Focused solely on tracking animals, no one noticed the thickening fog around them. They began hearing growling, unable to see they assumed it was starved wolves. At this moment Mikha realized that the elder was missing. No time to search, the growling was approaching. The father yelled for them to run. As they did one of the sons got his leg stuck in a root and was torn apart by the beasts. The remaining three found shelter in a den under a fallen tree. Huddled together they waited for the fog to thin out but that didn’t seem to happen. At least the beasts had disappeared. 

I really like where this story is going. It is suspenseful, but it also feels very reasonable. However, I would like to know what happened to the elder. It’s a good touch to add in mystery for his disappearance, but I’m just curious lol.

Two days past. No food. Just snow for water. So cold. The remaining son insisted on looking for food or help since his father was exhausted and couldn’t walk fast. 

How old are all of these characters anyways? I can assume the elder’s age, but the father’s and the sons, I’m not entirely sure. I would assume the father’s age to be around 50 and the sons around their 20′s. This is just because I feel like the remaining son was extraordinarily stupid to go out on his own, or at least arm himself before going. And I also feel like the father would have tried stopping his son from leaving. 

Mikha couldn’t leave the man so he stayed to take care of him. The son, however, never returned. Hunger and fear began to overpower Mikha’s mind. He looked at the other man. He was weaker, helpless. Mikha could smell his flesh, hear his heart and almost taste his blood. Oh how delicious would a bloody bite of meat be. 

Damn, Mikha already showing signs of cannibalism. Not sure if this is foreshadowing or if this just tells something about Mikha’s personality and who he really is. Even in starving situations, people don’t usually daydream about the taste of a human’s flesh or the smell of their flesh. I just found this part a little weird because Mikha isn’t a wendigo yet. 

Mikha tried to banish these thoughts. One more day. The father stopped moving. Mikha’s immediate thought was “it’s ok to eat him now”. This time he had no willpower. With nothing sharp, Mikha had to bite off chunks of flesh. With each bite he felt his teeth and nails grow sharper. He dug his fingers into the corpses stomach, ripping it open. Soon there was nothing left, but the hunger was still there. 

If he finished the entire body, I’m pretty sure he would be full by now. Like, dang, that is a lot of meat. 

Oh god the hunger! He left the only remains, the bones, in search for meat, any meat, human, animal, didn’t matter. But however much he wandered the cold forest, he couldn’t find the village. He was cold, tired, hungry. He stumbled upon the deer carcass. 

Nice foreshadowing from the beginning.

He felt compelled to sleep. He huddled up in the deer ribcage and passed out. He never woke up. The Mikha that opened his eyes was a creature that vaguely resembled his former self, and more the deer corpse. 

I’m surprised Mikha wasn’t super sad or miserable that he was no longer human. If I ever turned into a humanoid creature or something like that, I would burst into tears. He took it pretty easily, which might be a little unreasonable.

He wandered the forest all winter long. When spring arrived he finally found the village. He found his hunger disappearing when he saw the young children happily eating fresh bread and treats that got delivered when the road finally opened. He smiled to himself and for a moment he was human again. From this moment Mikha dedicated himself to never letting anyone from this village ever starve again. For years the winter gathering groups brought back plenty of food and told tales of how they found freshly killed and and next to them piles of roots, dried herbs, and evergreens. 

Mikha is officially a good boy.

This continued for generations until a better road was built. It was cleaned every winter and because of that, the supplies were never scarce. The village even became a popular winter tourist destination. With the influx of people, Mikha worried about being discovered. 

I wonder, did the villagers form myths about this? I know they told tales about finding fresh meat, but I think it would be more reasonable for the villagers to create a creature that gave them food, or a God that blessed them. In addition, did anyone in the village notice Mikha and the others were gone? Like, once spring arrived, everyone looked like they were fine and not starving. Was Mikha’s group the only one that went hunting? If they did I feel like many would have died of famine. I would just say, elaborate more on the aftermath of the hunt.

He thought himself how to turn into a human again after one night when he snuck into a big city and stole some occult books from a library. 

Big city? Like I said before, what time period and location?

In them he found a creature that he resembled, the Wendigo. He didn’t like the idea. He was doing his best to be benevolent and had long overcome his hunger. 

GOOD BOY

He decided to call himself a woodland spirit. A neutral creature even if a bit scary like himself. With his new disguise and not having to worry about the village Mikha decided to travel the world, to see if there were others like himself, benevolent wendigo or woodland spirits.

New disguise? What disguise?

Overall, I really enjoyed this story and Mikha. HE IS SUCH A GOOD BOY. A few minor additions such as elaborating more on the minor characters and the aftermath of the hunt. Overall, I thought this OC was really good, I’d love to know more about what happens next.

Thanks for reading, and I hope this helps! (•⊙ω⊙•)

*All credit for OC goes to Nimbg*

fanart of xmelodyheartxrawr’s Selena Grace…Sorry, I just love her a whole bunch!

Very cute! Selena Grace is not the only Madoka Magica OC out there... there are many! If you haven’t checked this anime out yet, daniluni, you should! It’s an incredible series and if you make an OC, I would be more than happy to review it for you! 

Name: Nim Race: Pagan God Age: Over 1400 Height: 167 cm Weight: 65 kg Hair color: Dark blueish Eye color: Red

She has good height and weight correlation. 

Nim is the former guardian deity of a small nomad tribe from southeastern Europe. Nowadays she is nearly forgotten and reduced to basically an immortal human with occasional bursts of power whenever faith in her is restored, or given an external source (then her abilities include: enhanced strength and speed, general magic and shapeshifting into her full wolf-god form for a short time)

Pagan Gods were very relevant in Europe for many years, originating sometime during the Middle Ages. Paganism is very forgotten nowadays, and I understand why she would be forgotten by others. 

Her appearance is of a young woman with dark hair, red eyes, pointed ears and a long fluffy tail.

In making a good character, I suggest making them stand out as much as they can without irritation or over accessorizing. Despite her wolf-god traits shown, there isn’t a feature that really stands out against other characters made by other people. Variations in hair such as a bold streak, or even something simple like a tattoo would allow any character to stick out from others.

She is mostly sweet and optimistic but when provoked can be cruel and sadistic. Currently she hangs out with the devil of the “new” Christian religion since she wasn’t given the status of a saint when her tribe converted.

I really like how you researched on Pagan Gods and found that they related to Christianity and Europe. I’d really love to learn more about your OC and the story behind your ideas in creating her. 

A few corrections I would make would mainly focus on her appearance. Pagan godesses were introduced in Europe a long time ago. I assume “nowadays” means present day, so she takes the form of a human due to being forgotten. Most people don’t walk around in clothing she wears, and people would be very curious about her scars. I suggest changing what she wears. 

Other than that, I don’t have anything else to correct. I would love to learn more about Nim and would love it if you submitted another request after adding more information on her!

Thank you for submitting/reading and I hope this helps! (〃^∇^)ﾉ

Multi-Fandom OC Reviews (on Wattpad) https://my.w.tt/RXTDRgw3Nbb Like the title states!

https://aminoapps.com/c/fullmetal-alchemist/page/item/lottie-chau/pDBl_E7UpInManwLdbgDQd4X2BWwYjQNdM

Heya pals, Mod Harmonia here!!! Sorry about the inactivity but we got a new OC! woot woot

Submitted by: daniluni

Reviewed by: Mod Charle

Whe My first PMMM oc

Name: Luna Yuzuki Age at magical girl contract: 10 Time as a magical girl in main timeline: around 2 years Wish: To be a classical witch, with hexes, magic and curses. (She can only cause minor inconveniences though) Reasoning behind this wish: Because she wanted take revenge on her  elder sister Selene’s bullies, who shunned,belittled and beat her up.

I feel like you need more reasoning behind her wish to become a classical witch. In this scenario with Luna’s sister being bullied, I would assume Luna would simply tell Kyubey “give me the power to protect my sister”. I don’t think her wish would be to “become a classical witch”. However, you can still incorporate the classical witch appearance into Luna’s magical girl form, if she read many fairy tale books as a child and such.

Weapon: a cat shaped broom, which can float and support her weight, shoot beams of light (which are more like distractions) and be used as a staff (her method of fighting).

I’m not gonna lie, I really dig this weapon. She was 10 years old at the time of her contract which would explain the cuteness of her weapon. It’s also really useful and reliable at the same time.

Appareance and uniform: She is a short magical girl, with freckles gray eyes and long bushy hair, she wears a lavender poofy shirt with poofy sleeves, a dark purple vest with a big pink ribbon located at the heart position with her red soul gem there , a dark purple bubble skirt (with frills!), pink and lavender  stockings, dark purple shoes with ribbons, and  a pointy dark purple hat with a ribbon

First of all, I don’t think you mentioned her hair color. Second of all, I feel like her outfit might need some tweaking. She does give off a Selena Grace vibe (I assume a lot of your OC was influenced by her) yet it doesn’t fit your idea of a witch. I think it would be better if her colors were a little more on the darker side. The ribbons are a good touch since they add to her innocence and young age, but her outfit in general should look more like a witch (pointed shoes, spiky-ish sleeves) but I do LOVE the bubble skirt.

Personality: Frank, Stubborn,Supportive, Efusive,Sees things in black and white, Friendly, Energetic

She may be a little contradicting in herself, but it could work out.

Pre Contract and encounter with Kyubey: Luna and her sister Selene lived in England with their mother Chandra who often told them fairy tale stories  

I hope these are stories about witches and fairy tales

and their father Kosuke, their lives where quiet and happy since Luna and Selene lived basically all their lives there, but, alas, good things had to end, after Chandra died of heart failure and there was no way of contacting Chandra’s parent’s, they had to move to Japan and start anew, while Luna adapted rather quickly, making some friends and becoming mildly popular, Selene had a lot of trouble due to being a slow learner, having a stutter, and a more withdrawn personality, being a clumsy pushover  which annoyed a certain group of girls (3 girls) who decided to pick up on her which hurt Selene’s already low self steem, and she started to develop a strong depression, starting to not care about anything.

Although the point of moving to Japan was to give Luna a chance to see Selene’s bullying, they didn’t necessarily have to move to Japan specifically. Japan doesn’t have any significant purpose in Luna’s story unless there is specific development in her character with one of the other present magical girls (although I do like it when OC’s keep their interactions and developments to themselves, especially in the PMMM world). There are magical girls all over the world, so London could have sufficed for the setting.

When Luna was taking care of Selene she spotted a catlike figure stealing something from her desk, and she ran to catch the thief , throwing things at them, and yelling angrily and through tears “You can’t have that! It’s from my sister and it makes her happy” the figure revealed itself to be Kyubey, who apologized and asked her for a contract… and she accepted.

Kyubey is a goddamn hoe

However, like I said, a more realistic wish for Luna would be for the ability to protect her older sister or something around that.

Despair: While things seemed to go better for Selene, her Bullies weren’t quite happy with that, because they  had inconveniences over inconveniences, that often got them suspended  (They tripped on their faces on P.E, broke their pens, got their uniforms splashed, arriving very late) they decided Selene was a jinx/bad luck bringer and decided to put the entire classroom against her, and Selene couldn’t take it anymore, when Luna went to the restroom, she found the dead body of her sister, with vomit stains and an emptied out bottle of floor cleaner on her hand, that scene broke poor Luna’s heart who just yelled “Why, Why?! ” Kyubey appeared just to answer it was her wish to be a witch, to attack Selene’s bullies and thats just what she did,Luna just started throwing things at kyubey, attacking furiously while her soul gem became darker and darker.

Man these bullies are MEAN. I really do wonder how Luna found Selene first before anyone else since she did commit suicide in a school bathroom. Kyubey is also a little bitch.

Witch name and description: Margaret The BullyHunter Witch: She has a protective nature, she cares for the powerless, the weak and the helpless, she cannot stand abusers and bullies, powerful on hot sun days, best time to fight her is in a cold and rainy night

You could probably change BullyHunter to something like the Chivalry Witch. It sounds a little more sophisticated. The witch’s personality and purpose do fit her very well, I have to admit.

Madoka’s reset: In Madoka’s reset she has a less black and white look of the world, and started to introduce Selene to her friends, being less vengeful and more supportive, and when time took its toll on her, Madoka took her away

I agree that this is a very good Madoka reset for Luna. However, I would like to know more about when exactly Luna was taken away by Madoka and how this happened.

Homura’s reset (yes im doing that too, lol) : While nothing much has changed and she still had to move to Japan, her father remarried, and Selene started to go to other school, with much nicer classmates, and Luna began practicing stage magic to surprise her friends, even though she wondered what would happen if Selene’s classmates weren’t nice

Stage magic is a good addition to Luna’s extracurriculars since it hints at her witch-like form as a magical girl. She seems VERY protective over Selene, and I would like to get more into the personalities and dynamics the two share.

Trivia: *Margaret (her witch name) is in reference of Margaret Hamilton, who was the iconic Wicked Witch of The West

NICE CONNECTION

*Her sister is 4 years older than her

If the age gap was 4 years, they wouldn’t be at the same school, which makes me wonder how Luna knew so much about Selene’s activities with the bullies. I would suggest making the age gap slightly closer. Also take into consideration grade levels. Luna would be in elementary school while Selene would be in middle school.

*She met Kyoko and Mami and fought alongside them, she thinks fondly of Mami, but doesn’t think highly of Kyoko, because she finds her rude, because of her black and white thinking

I don’t know if this has much of an effect on Luna’s story overall. I feel as if this is unnecessary and the plot would be fine if there wasn’t any interaction with the PMMM magical girls.

*She has a vivid imagination *Her mother was of  mixed race (Punjabi-White) *her life in Homura’s reset is what would have happened if she met and interacted with Homura *Her witch form looks like a combination of common witch familiars (Crows, owls, cats, bats,frogs)  while her familiars are cauldrons with broom legs.

I love her familiars.

Overall, Luna was a very good OC. I thought she was well written and well elaborated on. There are a few things you need to fix about her, but I think she is one of the better PMMM OCs I’ve seen (She’s not a Mary Sue!)

Thanks for reading, and I hope this helps! (^▽^)

*All OC credit goes to daniluni

Review by: Mod Charle

(continuing with the dating sim idea, although lookin it closely it fits better for a reverse harem… here’s the first dateable guy) human name: Keith Gatti

It does seem more like a reverse harem series than a dating sim. However, it is possible to make this into a dating sim by changing the backstories of each alien to have them appear around the same time.

real name: unknown,due to his language being incompatible with human languages

I do wonder, if this is the case, when in human form, is Keith able to communicate with Ida and others?

biological age: around 26-27 years old Height:  1.65 meters- somewhat taller (has two personas, but essentiallty they are the same)

If they are the same persona, I don’t feel the need to keep “two personas” in his bio. If they are the same, it is one persona.

Weight: HEAVY Body build: skinny/muscular

If he is very heavy, I would assume he is more big and muscular rather than skinny, like bodybuilders. Skinny doesn’t seem like it fits.

Voice: high pitched, soft, cute / rough, deep (closer to his true alien voice) dere type: Yandere. it will be explained why.

Yandere.... hmm.....

gifts from him: flowers, rollerskates… Approach level: VERY EASY

He kinda seems like a loving puppy lololol

chronological age: 5470 years old, but he spent time on earth (and the space (research) station ) only 40 years (dude, he travelled to earth, and didnt have faster than light time travel)

I am very confused on his age. His biological age is 26-27 years but there are 40 years, and 5470 years sprawled in this little section. How old is he? In alien years? In human years?

Species description: Keith’s species are some sort of gigantic amphibians, living in equally big aquatic enviroments, their skin is coloured accordingly to the “sand” and vegetation of the environment, having a stocky build to resist the changing pressure in land and underwater, and fins, to build resistance.

The species are also predators, but rather than chasing down the prey, they  just lure them using changing patterns on the skin and their visible veins to create a mesmerizing visage, and when the prey approaches, they hold it with their legs and commence eating them, first sucking their juices dry and then munching their dry bodies like a snack. besides obvious predator abilities, they can read feelings, and the reasons for those feelings, they just hold their claws onto the location of the heart of whoever they are reading and using their eyes to make them focus on the reader, its really simple, y'know-

I really like the species description and how each “amphibian-like” creature appears, but I am a little put off on how they lure their prey in. Generally, prey would only go near something if it looks like something familiar or safe. Therefore, I would have to recommend their skin and veins create different colors that resemble coral and such, although I do really like the idea! Also, you may need to go more in depth about how these creatures read feelings. Human emotions and alien emotions, I would imagine, are drastically different given they’re from different worlds. I suggest elaborating a little more on how they vary and how they are similar.

about keith: Keith is one excitable, cheerful boy, who’s really amazed by everything and might as well be a dog, loving to cuddle and nuzzle, however he has a cruel, jealous side, that he shows whenever someone outside the social circle he is in steps in and takes an interest to Ida,and uses their fear to his advantage, or manipulates them to do his biding.or else he would eat them, although he does it more on an impulsive whim,  Ida has no idea of this , thinking he is an uwu soft dumb marshmallow , and neither does Mabel, who would tell Ida inmediately, Caleb knows but shrugs it off, Drake is really angry at this because it might blow up their cover, and Xander just scolds him because eating people isnt nice, and because Ida might find out. yeah… (I know this only covered a few personality traits…sorry)

I think this is a good personality trait for Keith. He seems lovable but is easily jealous and vicious. This dating sim or harem would actually work out very well because Keith is a character that could easily get into the way of another character’s move on Ida.

while not much of his past is known other than him being the first of his batch to hatch, it is theorized that his jealous, manipulative, vengeful cruel persona is the real one , due to other members of his species cowering in fear in his presence, however, he IS genuinely cheerful around Ida and truly supports her and her dreams.he is also very optimistic in that he is going to be her one true love, despite all his jealousness

Keith has some major issues lmao

He still remembers the first time he met Ida, he was going to go crazy after years of isolation, the only contact he has had was with  scientists who just checked him up and left, but then came Ida, she was just cleaning up stuff, looking him and rambling about some things about travels and tourism, venting about her frustrations, he felt the urge of cheer her up, playing like a cat, humans like cats, however, maybe due to his size, she was more scared and angry , thus she searched for the nearest object which happened to be a metal bar that was used in case the door needed to be extra locked, and she knocked out two of his teeth with it.

Man, if I was looking for a man to be my significant other, I would search for one that would knock two of my teeth out with a metal bar on sight. But this is very reasonable. While it is cliche, if you were all alone and someone came to give you company, I bet something would start to blossom.

Keith understood perfectly she was ready to kill him in self defense if necessary, and she was about to start a ruckus (she does have anger issues, and her training was strictly cleaning related) , and she was going to get kicked out, thus, he was not going to see her again, he just calmly laid a claw on her, and looked her directly in the eyes, and found her frustrations and issues.

I think another reason why Keith might have the jealousness is because he was the first to meet Ida. You could maybe add in that these creatures have an “imprinting” thing going on that allows one to claim someone else as their significant other. This could work, but then again, all the other aliens are also going after Ida. Idk it’s just a thought.

Though he needed to talk to her and meet her outside of the job, the morphing device that was on a laboratory was perfect for creating his new persona, his human self, but he needed dna, which… wasnt hard to obtain, Ida’s suit was probably full of hairs, and whatnot, so he did what he had to do, take her suit and go away, it was a hard and painful process until he took a completely human form.

Dang that must hurt. However, I feel like using Ida’s DNA would make him look more like a girl. I would change this to Keith finding a way to obtain a male’s hair and then complete the transformation.

I think I explained in Ida’s profile what happened the next day…

Yes, yes you did.

Relationships:

with Ida:  he is completely infatuated with her, idolizing her, and admiring her, although this is not good, but once he starts respecting her as a human being and acknowledging her faults the ship can sail, if not, there’s suffering for both of them, he is taking steps, for example, he respects her space.

Overprotective but not pushy. Honestly Keith isn’t that bad of a dude.

With Mabel: Mabel is helping him woo Ida, although she isnt aware of his Yandere tendencies.

What a girl Mabel, yes. But I still think Ida and Mabel could be a route in this sim.

With Drake: they dont get along very well, because despite Drake being violent and bloodthirsty he doesnt sugarcoat it , they like to play toghether though…

If “play” means “trying to rip each others’ throats out”, yeah, I guess they love to play.

With Caleb : Caleb and Keith get along very well with each other, is not hard since both of them are very approachable.

Good boys.

With Xander: both are very jealous of Ida, although Xander fears keith, and keith fears xander as well, no reason

I feel like there should be a reason they fear each other. We generally know why Keith is feared, but Xander should have an underlying trait or secret that makes him extremely dangerous. Its always the sweet/quiet ones.

Trivia: *He adopted the manic pixie dream guy persona to cheer Ida up, he loves seeing her smile *According to Ida he weights like a horse, it might be hyperbole though. *His human form presents no glamour failure at first, but if very stressed he shows parts of his true form. *And mantaining his cute voice is difficult for him too *he is an amphibian and thus needs to be hydrated constantly, he carries a purse full of bottled water.

I honestly really like Keith a lot more now. He originally seemed too generic and likable, but he has flaws and I do want to learn more about the fear everyone seems to show around him. Don’t be afraid to send in your other characters, i would be happy to review them!

Thanks for reading, and I hope this helps! (◕ ω ◕✿)

*All OC credit goes to daniluni