She prayed with folded hands, kissed in secret, and waitedāfor God, for love, for someone to choose her back. Told in letters, fragments, and breathless pauses, this tender companion to A Garden for the Girls We Were follows Abilene Marie Thompson: the girl outside the garden wall, writing her way toward worth. Through unanswered prayers, imagined romances, and quiet goodbyes, Abilene must learn that sometimes, the bravest thing a girl can do is believe she mattersāeven if no one ever says her name aloud.
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I got a favor to ask, man. Can you swing by and check on Sofia and the kids, like, every month for a bit? I can't go home right now. There's been an incident, I guess you'd say. She wanted to take care of me but I just can't, I mean, the twins... man this ain't easy to write.
Don't you worry none about me, I'm dealin. Least I got most of my nails so I can still play guitar. Hope this don't change anything between us but you gotta know...
I turned ghoul.
Like they say, "If the Scorched or the Ferals don't get you, the rads will."
Don't come looking for me. That goes for Beckett, too. Just gotta find my cool again, ya dig?
Is this blog active anymore? I honestly don't mind if this just rots in your ask box never to be seen. Delete it if you want, this is an OC letter.
Dear Emory,
Sam is with me now, I don't honestly know if you'd care but you were always interested in whatever I had to talk about so I'm telling you anyway.
I miss being around you and all your + my friends. I also miss all my veldan friends, it gets really lonely when you're the only veldan around, not that you'd completely understand. You always had some elf friends, for better or for worse.
I guess Sam would understand but he barely even knew he was alarine before we/I came along. I don't think he would relate to them anyway, having his traits hidden most his life.
I mainly miss you because you are, well, I guess were, my best friend. Even though you always stole my fries. How could you I'm never letting it go (I wish you were here to steal my fries again)
I guess I'm just homesick, which always happens when I'm remembering my life too much. It was a shame to be pulled away from you all and I wish it never happened but I'm slowly getting accustomed to it. I don't think I'll ever get rid of the homesickness though.
A letter from Liam to Shadrax for @shadrax-official
Dear Shadrax, I wrote this before in the waning days in The Continent and If something happened to me that prevents me from talking to you, I want to let you know that someday in my life, I will be omnipotent like you, Sothis previously was omnipotent but that was a very long time ago. To be honest, I'm scared that I will be omnipotent someday. With unlimited power, I come to fear that the people from the other universes that I've meet will want to distance themselves from me. How do you deal with omnipotence in your life?
A gift for my wonderful friend @flaredarkstorm . Please check out his writing blog as well ~! @flaredarkstormwrites
Trigger Warnings:
Things got surprisingly serious near the end, hints of a dysfunctionalĀ family, themes of emotional abuse (Just in one letter)
Please read at your own risk
December 1st
A pristine envelope would be found in Flareās mailbox. The material resembles the first snowfall, soft to the touch and pure. Other than the haphazardly written message upon the page. Perhaps we can call them the branches that decorate the snow.Ā
Papa! Father! Papi! Dad!
Tis I Francine or more commonly known as Fern.
How are you with the holidays approaching?
I personally find it quite stressful. So, I hope that yours is going much more smoothly.
This might be weird to ask but what are your preferred dad-nouns? Do you like the cutesy and casual āpapaā or maybe the more formal āfatherā is to your tastes? Knowing you though, I bet youād go with papa, you softy.
Aha!
I almost forgot. Youāre probably wondering why this is labeled December 1st. This isnāt just any olā Christmas letter. This year Iām gonna try to write to you daily! Doesn't that seem fun?
I hope you enjoy these letters as much as I enjoyed writing them.
Xoxo
Fern
December 2nd
This letter is much different from the first. Itās in tatters and something or someone has clearly taken a bite out of it. Luckily, it still seems eligible enough to read. If you look closely at the bottom. It seems the culprit signed their handy work with an inky paw.
The second day of December has arrived!
Have you prepared anything yet? Honestly, I still havenāt put my Christmas tree up. Too busy thinking about how to get the cats not to destroy it. (Plastic bags around the base perhaps?)
(Do dragons celebrate Christmas? If so, how? If not. Are there any holidays in December for you?)
Love
š¾
December 3rd
AhHhhHhhhHhhHhhHhHhhHHh!
Iām so sorry for how the last letter turned out. I wanted to write more but then Sunshine decided he wanted to āhelpā.
Hopefully you can still read it despite the bite marks and drool.
To make up for it. Sunshineās inky paw print also signed the letter. Cute right?
Once again, I have to cut this letter short. Christmas shopping and such must be done. Take care!
LoveĀ
Fern
December 4th
Iām feeling a bit nostalgic because of the snow. Does that happen to you too, Flare?.
The white snow is a beautiful clean slate and I feel like it can take everything back, you know? Turn back the clock but instead of grains of sand. It's snowflakes. That sounds really pretty.
Pushing sad girl hours aside! Letās move onto a happy memory!
One of my favourite dates happened in December! I remember playing with those spinning doors and being stared at by strangers. Some judging us harshly, while others looked like they were remicsing. He took me to a fancy restaurant. We both fumbled a bit because our glasses fogged up once we got inside. It was just a wonderfully cozy time.
Do you have any cherished memories for this month? I have that one and then a handful I wish to bury in the snow. Maybe those hardships will grow into breathtaking flowers. One can hope ~!
Love
Fern
December 5th
Did you know I never built my first snowman until I was a teenager? Itās because I wasnāt allowed outside when I was younger. Well, I could go outside but it was under strict supervision and I wasnāt allowed to do much. I made many snow angels though.
I hope that youāre having a happy holiday Flare. Itās supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. Yet it can easily become the loneliest
Take care ~!
With Love
Fern.Ā
December 6thĀ
Did you know some fish have knees?! I know itās not Christmas related but I just watched a documentary about the ocean and then they threw that guy at me! I got so excited!! So, Iām counting it as a Christmas miracle and you canāt stop me. A certain fish has knees and I love him.
Speaking of animals. I bought gifts for all the pets! Iām quite glad they canāt read. Otherwise I wouldnāt be writing this.
Sunshine is toy based. Reindeer, Christmas trees, gingerbread men, Santa hats. Iām pretty sure heāll now own every Christmas shaped toy there is. Plus a few treat puzzles but I have a feeling Cinder would be using those more.
Speaking of the one and only Cinder. The pupper gets a new bed since he has worn out his old one and honestly who doesnāt want a new bed for the new year? He also gets many, many treats. That heāll be sharing with his brother.
Faith and Duke get catnip and clothes,
A pretty pink bow for Faith and Duke gets a white suit to contrast his black fur. I bet heāll be quite the looker in it.
Welp, thatās all from me today. Take care!!
December 7th
I think they know about their presents. ESPECIALLY THE TREATS!
Itās quite hard to hide presents when they canāt nest under a tree. So, right now I have gifts high up on the shelves and sometimes the cats (read Faith) would drop one near me to open it. Sheāll let out a loud yowl, while keeping eye contact with me. She wants the gifts dad. Even if they arenāt for her. Send help and maybe a spray bottle.
FromĀ
A Worried Fern
December 8th
The treats are now hidden in my closet. The only way the four can get to them now is if they figure out how to pull my closet open. Iām happy to report Iāve been given the stink eye by Faith. So, I firmly believe that the presents will be safe until Christmas.
This is the end of my report for today.
Love
From
Fern
December 9th
What do you think of the letters so far? I know most of them are short and sweet but Iām also afraid to bore you with words. Then again, Iām not sure if I have enough words for 25 days. I doubt I even have that many stories to tell. ;w;
Well, my own personal experiences. If itās just stories in general. I can go on for years!
Which reminds me!
Have you heard of the Japanese legend of a crane falling in love with a human? Itās a beautifully tragic tale that begins in the winter! I believe thereās even a song about it called āSeasonal Feathersā. I would suggest giving it a listen but I know that type of music isnāt your cup of tea.
The story goes that a farmer saves a crane from a snare trap. Grateful for the farmer's kindness the crane made a wish to become human and approached the male as a lost traveller in the snow. Of course, the man took the āhumanā in and then they started to live together.
Everyday the crane would sing songs and help around the estate. It was a simple life with little luxuries but they had each other.
One day the farmer became terribly ill and the couple couldnāt pay for the medicine he needed. Still wanting to repay the human. The crane ended up plucking her own feathers to create fabric to sell. She plucked and plucked until she couldnāt fly anymore.
In the end the farmer died of his illness and the crane told him the truth that she wasnāt human. Turns out that he knew all along and wouldāve loved her no matter what form she took.Ā
Thatās the simple gist of the story and itās one I hold close to my heart. Iād like to think that Iād do whatever I can for someone I love as well. I only ask that theyāll love me back.
Flare, what story do you hold close to your heart?
December 10th
Looking into the mailbox today was followed by another surprise. Not only did a letter make home to the metal case but a bag of cookies rested there as well.Ā
Are you a cookie or cake person?
I personally love both but I feel like itās easier to get away with eating more cookies. Please donāt question my logic. Thatās simply what my brain tells me. A batch of cookies is less than one cake. I mean, that makes sense right?
Whatās your favourite type of cookie? I love lemon cookies! I also prefer if the cookies are soft and doughy, compared to the crunchy bois. Not knowing what you like. There are 5 of each in the bag I put! I hope you enjoy them
LoveĀ
Fern
December 11th
Have you heard of Frosty the Snowman? For some reason today. I canāt get the image of him angrily going up to people with a huff saying āWell. How would you like it if I called you Fern the Flesh Sack? Doesnāt feel nice now doesnāt it?ā
Itās an odd image but an image nonetheless. Please do with it as you please.
Love
Fern
P.S
I regret none of my thoughts. Most of the time.
December 12th
Weāre almost halfway through December and the tree still isnāt up. I know it isnāt a necessity but itās nice to have around.
I just love it when all the lights are off and all thatās illuminating the house is the Christmas Tree. It gives a soft comforting glow and playing piano music or music box songs just make the feeling more magical. I canāt help but feel safe in those moments. Itās just me, my pets and the lights. All being lulled into the night by music.
Now that is something I suggest you try at least once this month.
I love you papa and take care.
Love
Fern
December 13th
Christmas tree is up! I repeat!!! CHRISTMAS TREE IS UP! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
AHhHHhhhHHhH
Flare, itās so pretty my heart is happy but also so close to having a heart attack. The cats are watching it closely as well and I can see their tails swaying as they prepare to pounce. DONāT THINK I DONāT SEE YOU TWO!!
Well, Faith. Faith is the little shit that wants to take the tree down. Duke is a good boy who is watching Faith closely for me when my eyes arenāt on her. God bless his soul.
How long does it usually take for you to set up the tree if you have one?
December 14th
Iām happy to report that the spray bottle worked. It wasnāt just any spray bottle though. This one was filled with lemon and vinegar. So, Faith doesnāt try to bite or lick the tree anymore! Now she just wants to destroy itā¦
Luckily I can distract her with treats! Though I have a feeling her attacking the tree is just her way of bargaining for more food. I really hate that she caught onto the pattern of if I threaten the tree I get food to satisfy me. Food is all I require.
Have you ever had a rowdy pet?
LoveĀ
Fern
December 15th
Dumb idea time!!!
Though Iām gonna start it tomorrow. I wonder how itāll go.
Weāre about halfway through the month now. How are you?
Is the weather treating you well? I just love watching the snowfall. Shoveling it can be quite a pain but itās all worth it in the end.
Iām thinking about making igloos for the pets. What do you think?
I know Cinder and Sunshine will love them but the catsā¦ I think theyād rather watch from the window. I donāt blame them though. Hmmā¦ What do you think they see most of the time?
Love
Fern
December 16th
Hehe ~
December 17th
Have you been naughty or nice this year?
December 18th
For some reason two envelopes could be found in the letterbox. One was black as coal and the other white as snow. The black envelope was labeled Naughy with red ink. While the white one was labeled Nice with light blue ink. Which do you open?
If you opened the Nice Envelope
DOOT DO DOOOOO!!!!!
I knew you were on the nice list! I personally asked Santa myself to put you there, you know. No need to thank me. Your existence is thanks enough.
But all jokes asideā¦
If there was a person who can judge everyone in the world. I wouldnāt care whether or not you were on the nice list or not.
You took me when I felt I had no family and that means the world to me. I never thought I was lonely until I met you. Personally I thought my pets wouldāve been enough but hearing someone elseās voice is different. Thank you for teaching me that feeling Flare. I donāt know how I could ever repay you.
If you opened the NaughtyĀ Envelope
YOU OPENED THE WRONG ONE YOU DINGUS!
Now please recycle this letter and open the nice one.
December 19th
Itās so close until Christmas! We survived!!!
Ehe ~!
What did you think of the previous letters? I wanted to switch things up a bit. So, I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Speaking of Christmas though. Shall we celebrate it together this year? I would love to welcome you home and Iām sure the pets would love your company as well.
Love
Fern
December 20th
Thereās only five days and Iām finally running out of things to say. How long did you think I could keep this up? Honestly, the second Sunshine tried to eat the second letter. I thought about giving up there but thatās not Christmas like! So, here I am!!
HAHA!!!
I usually start or end things with a question. So, here it goes ~!
Do you think Christmas should be for lovers or family?
I feel like more people focus on love nowadays or maybe thatās just my single eyes talking. Thereās nothing wrong with celebrating with your lover. I just simply dislike it when people want to throw you a pity party if youāre singleĀ
ā¦
Though, when I was younger. Christmas wasnāt really about family either. It was about dressing up pretty and being put on display. My motherā¦ My mother sheās quite materialistic and gets mad if she doesn't get anything expensive that day. So, it wasnāt unusual for family fights to happen on Christmas.Ā
I like Christmas the way it is now. Quiet and peaceful.
I hope you enjoy the day as well.
Love
Fern
December 21st
I wonder what the ratio is for people who like Christmas and those who donāt.
Usually Iād ask why people would hate Christmas but everybody has their reasons. Whether itās just not their cup of tea or they're indifferent because they donāt celebrate it. Everybody has a story and sadly I canāt listen to all of them.
Flare, do you have a Christmas wish? If you do. Iāll try my best to make it come true!
December 22nd
I DONāT KNOW IF Iām EXCITED OR NERVOUS!!
AHHHHHHHhHhhHhhHhhHhhHhhHhhHhhHhhHHhhHhHHHh
Alright Fern, calm down.
The fur babies and I have just been snuggled together on the couch these past few days. So, Iād say that Iām doing pretty well. Sometimes a sad Christmas movie would play and I would cry my eyes out but hey! That happens.
I hope youāre doing well papa. Take care.
Love
Fern
December 23rd
Itās almost Christmas Eve.
Aside from snuggling on the couch. Iāve actually been sneaking out late at night to watch the stars in my backyard. Theyāre just so much brighter in the winter and itās just so breathtaking.
If you havenāt tried it before. I suggest you do. Just lay in the snow and gaze up at the sky. It can make you feel like the only person in the world.
Just talking about it makes me wanna run out and just bury myself in snow. I wonāt though. Iām an adult and I shall act like one. (though that doesnāt mean I wonāt possibly do it tomorrow)
I hope youāre doing well!
Love
Fern
December 24th
Todayās letter was peppered with glitter stickers and filled to the brim with paper snowflakes. Past all the decorations sat the letter. Letās see what it says!
Papa! Christmas Eve has come!
Did you have fun? Was it worth the wait?
Today is the day all the pets get their Christmas treats. I can already see them eyeing the biscuits in the oven. Itās so cute!! Iāll be sure to send you a picture.
For me, Christmas Eve is when everything happens. We open presents. We say I love you. Stay up. All that good stuff and then the next day we all sleep in and clean up for the new year.
Did you know itās good luck to wear polka dots on New Year's Eve? Itās said to attract money. The more dots the more coins youāll earn. Interesting, huh?
I donāt personally believe it but having a dress code for myself helps put off the stress of having to look nice. I wonder if drawing dots on my skin would count as good luckā¦
Anywho!!!
The day is almost here!
Love
A Holly Jolly Fern
DecemberĀ 25th
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
I hope that this year treated you with kindness and that the following year will be even better!
Thank you for everything youāve done for me and I canāt wait to see how else your story unfolds.
Flare, youāre an amazing person and you should never forget that. If you ever do. Iāll be sure to find you and give you many hugs to remind you that youāre loved!!
Please take care of yourself and may your days be forever bright!
I wonāt be able to help you with everything but Iāll try my best to support you. You donāt have to do everything alone.
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A Letter Sent From the Inquisition Stronghold to the Sinclair Manor in Orlais. The Seal signifies that it is from the hand of an Inquisition agent.
Mother,
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā I am writing you for the sake of duty; the Inquisitionās Chief Diplomat has requested I make all affairs clear and settled with my next of kin should anything happen to me. You are my closest living relation, and thus I am compelled to write to you. I do not know if you have heard of my whereabouts, or the gossip attached to them, but it is of little interest to me.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā My business is simple: anything that is in my name ā that remains in my name, anyhow ā is to go to my cousin, your sister-in-lawās niece, Evangeline Sinclair and her family. She is the only relative who has not shunned or mistreated me and is still alive. I am sure you have taken great care to do with what was mine as you have wished for all these years. However, if there is anything to speak of, it is hers in the event of my death.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Do not think yourself above these wishes; not only will Imperial emissaries be notified as per Orlesian inheritance law, but you will have Inquisition officials to contend with should you refuse to act appropriately. Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā I am sure a part of you is dismayed to know I have not only survived but aligned myself with the Inquisition of all things. It makes me wonder just how you reacted when the news of the Circles disbanding reached the Capitol ā if you ever once feared for my life or safety. Did you write, or seek me out? Such questions are useless now. I am sure that this letter is the first notification of my survival. You have endured life this long in the dark, so this will probably be arbitrary information.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā There is no need to fear for me or my wellbeing ā not that you would be so inclined in the first place. I am working for a cause beyond the importance of either of our lives, and I do not regret it. I am unmarried and unbound to wealth or title. In fact, all things considered I am quite destitute. The only bearings I have to my name are my clothes, books gifted to me by my friend the Inquisitor, and a pair of shoes I never wear. I have sold or given away all belongings I accrued whilst living in Monstimmard.
Oh, that reminds me: I was living as a Courtesan in Montsimmard for a time. I was even offered marriage to a wealthy, widowed noble woman who was my patroness. I refused in order to fully commit to the Inquisition. That, and to keep another womanās bed warm.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Take care with your health and happiness, Mother. If you find yourself feeling melancholy or dejected, just think of your dear and only child: her Mage hands busy with work, her mind idle with sin. When you feel lonesome, you need only imagine that she is being kept company at night by the loving arms of a most devoted Nevarran. I know how you simply adore Nevarran culture and aesthetic ā what did you call it? Oh, that is right, āMaker forsaken and repugnant.ā Well, I can only imagine how elated you are to picture it. Almost as elated as I am when she makes love to my unwed, tarnished, and lustful body, night after night. She never has to promise me anything, I give away my love for free and with reckless abandon.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Try auctioning me off now, Mother. I promise you that no matter what the highest bid is worth, it pales in comparison to the wealth of apologies and doting you owe me. Such a debt can only be forgiven by the coffers of the Maker himself. You once said a woman is made and defined by her ability to mother her child -- what does it say for me that I mothered myself and fended off death? Do I yet have claim to glory of womanhood?
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā If you ever find yourself curious enough to want to write to me, do yourself and your child a service and find a Soiree to distract your vapid temperament. Forget that I ever existed. Perhaps then all the times you wished I had never been born can bear some fruit. One last favor before I finish this letter ā attached to this is a note for Fatherās memorial stone. Please place it there, and then have one of your servants burn it after three days. Do not read it, it is love not meant nor appropriate for you.
Be sure to take time to appreciate the wax seal on this letter. It is custom and personal, as per the privileges of being an Inquisition Agent ā privileges I earned by virtue of being who I am, and who I am alone.
Andaran atishāan, lethallan. I hope the Creators have treated you well. Life has certainly been interesting for me, and I can only imagine you to be in the same situation. When you have the time, Enansal, I would love to hear about your journeys - as well as share some of my own. It seems like forever since we last spoke. May Mythal continue to guide you in all that you do, in the meantime, just as Ghilan'nain guides me. Your friend, Arian Lavellan.
It warms my heart to hear from you again, lethallan. It has been many long moons without hearing word from any of our clan members.
I hope your travels have gone well. As for myself, it has been a long road.
I was recently in the Western Approach. I have never seen so much sand in one place! It seemed to stretch on for many leagues, though I was told that the Hissing Wastes are much more expansive. I can hardly imagine it. If nothing else, though, the night sky is incredibly clear out there, so I would often lie beneath the moonlight and count the stars.
However, I am now currently in Antiva. My mother is from here, as you know, but itās absolutely wonderful to see this place in person. She always spoke so fondly of Antiva City, of the network of canals that crossed the city as much as the roads. And the food has been delicious! So many spices that our clan can only dream to obtain. While it unseasonably warm here, the trip has been rather enjoyable.
Next I aim to go towards Rivain, and perhaps find a Seer to learn some new spells from.
May Ghilanānain bless your own travels, and may the Dread Wolf never catch your scent.
A letter written by Olivia on the anniversary of her Fatherās death, sent to her familyās Manor to be put on his memorial stone. The paper is well made, and the seal an official Inquisition emblem.Ā
Dearest Father,
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā This month marks nine years since you passed. It is also the eighth year where I have had to observe its passing whilst abroad. I asked Mother to place this as your stone in the garden for you. You know me and my superstitions ā I cannot help but believe, for my own sake, that you can read them.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Life is very different for me since the last I wrote to you. I am no longer a Courtesan, nor am I the object of menās passing lusts and fantasies. Though, I am still exchanging my body for compensation and appreciation, one might say. At least now it is for a cause and not a weakness. I can hear you cautioning me for becoming involved in such a double-edged movement, but rest assured Father, the Inquisition is worth my time and energies. You remember the pale girl I wrote to you about? The one who had all the sweet, clever words and gave me portions of her dinners when I neglected to come down from my studies to eat? She is now Andrasteās Chosen. Somehow, I think you would be unsurprised.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā My occupation is not the only new development in my life as of late. I know you always hoped I would find a nice gentleman, preferably Orlesian, to marry. I remember how you regret the way Motherās parenting philosophy hardened by heart toward such possibilities. Perhaps you worried that I would never allow myself to find happiness in the form of love. Perhaps you fretted for the way I closed my heart away from the world after so much heart ache.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Father, I wish I could tell you. I wish I could see your face as I told you I have found someone who is deserving of my loyalty and affection. I can only imagine how elated and relieved you would be to know. It would soften the blow when I would then inform you that she is no one other than Seeker Pentaghast, former Right Hand to the late Divine Justinia V. I remember your stories of being in the army and having to work with Seeker interferences ā how self-interested and secretive they would be. Well, I cannot completely refute your position, but I can add amendments to them.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Sometimes, I imagine what it would be like if I could introduce you two. I imagine the way you would strong-arm her as you shook her hand, and how she would try to match it with her own stoicism. I imagine what it would be like to watch you discuss weaponry, politics, and training methodologies by the fireplace in the east wing. Such daydreams are too indulgent for me to partake in all the time. I know they will never be realized in this life. The only reason I am admitting to such flights of girlish fancy is that I know you will not be able to rejoice in my partiality at my expense. I am so unfair for taking advantage of the deadās limitations, arenāt I.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Wherever you are, Father, I hope you know that I am happy as I could manage to be after all I have endured. In fact, I have surprised my own expectations. I long believed that soon I would be unable to laugh sincerely or feel joy in the pit of my stomach. Life has proven me wrong, I suppose. Times are difficult, and the future is uncertain, that is true. But, all the things I was taught to provide for someone else before my own will have been given to me by others: friendship, humor, care, love.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā As I write this, Cassandra ā oh, her name is Cassandra, by the way ā is sleeping on her side facing me, her head resting beside my lap whilst I quietly scratch a quill tip to parchment. She used to worry about my lack of sleeping and be easily disturbed by my restlessness, but now she sleeps soundly. She trusts me enough, now. In a way, I think this is the most intimate form of love and trust: sleeping whilst someone else is nearby. When you trust someone else to be there, to protect you as you sleep. You were the first person I ever trusted to provide that ā and for the longest time, I believed you would be the only. I learned better than to desire sleep beside the men I lured into my charms. I learned better than to trust the Fade to not terrorize my conscience.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā I have since realized that learning never truly ends. Just when you believe you know everything, someone or something comes along to disturb your ego. Sometimes it is the wild and reckless imaginations of your fellow young Mage women, who decide becoming wayward rebels is the best course of action. Sometimes it is the calling of a Holy War. Sometimes it is the quizzical sternness of a most unapologetic Nevarran.
Sometimes it is the realization that, by virtue of death and by betrayal, you are no oneās daughter anymore.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā I know I sound like it, but do not believe me sorrowful, Father. All things considered, this life is worth living. Your child yet smiles these days ā and ever so often, she forgets the terrors this world has inflicted on her. Rest well in the light of the afterlife. Even if my soul is taken somewhere else after all I have done, I hope you know that it will be after a life worth having been lived.
I miss you more than you know, Father. May you know peace.
