#obikawa

(after god, what are you doing to me? seriously.)

this is making me feel a type of way that’s similar to how you’d feel after seeing an absolutely gut wrenching movie. one that leaves you feeling hollowed out but oddly somber, pleased. yet there’s still something that gnaws at your conscience.

obikawa giving up parts of (offering) himself to tokinaga just to ensure that he can live comfortably, live a little longer. remain at his side because (as i’ve stated before) neither of them could survive separation, not anymore. i give you parts of me without asking for anything in return. i give you parts of me because i see /us/, not just me or you. i cannot bear the thought of ever losing you or watching you decay and ultimately crumble into dust. obikawa previously worried that tokinaga would only see him as an object or value him merely as a drug, something that would hide the ‘hideous’ parts of him away that he wishes he wouldn’t have to deal with (which obikawa unfortunately isn’t aware of, for jow at least) but then he realizes in chapter 77 that they both care for each other in an awfully raw manner. the body language speaks for itself (and it speaks volumes at that, tokinaga’s childlike and uncharacteristic happiness; something we only got to see in specific circumstances and ironically enough when he was able to sleep well thanks to obikawa[‘s drug] and his tears of happiness, pure and unadulterated glee to see obikawa back in one piece, rushing in to hug him despite the possible danger of the knife in the taller’s hands.)

i can’t stress just how meaningful this hug of theirs is… the reversal of their positions. this time obikawa is on the floor and tokinaga is on the bed. despite finding out who or what tokinaga really is, obikawa accepts him regardless. continues to respect him. love him.

wants to help him even more than before— he no longer feels the urge to eat him either. he wants to keep both his memories of tokinaga and tokinaga himself alive and by his side.

it also makes me feel incredibly lightheaded to see obikawa acknowledge tokinaga when he’s never been properly acknowledged like this before… it’s soothing to hear that none of your efforts have been in vain. that you haven’t been enduring it all for nothing. if this isn’t love, then i don’t know what is.

the new chapter made me realize just how far obikawa is actually willing to go for tokinaga. i’ve only seen some pictures that a friend sent me (thank you nikuo) so this is going to be somewhat of a rough analysis. their relationship is already intense as it is but now it’s changed from obikawa wanting to eat tokinaga (which he mainly does as a way of keeping the memory intact of someone he loves/cares for greatly) to wanting to make sure no god can get rid of specifically this tokinaga that obikawa has learned so much about and grown undeniably close with. obikawa wants to remember tokinaga as he is and wants to ensure that tokinaga doesn’t revert back to a timeline where obikawa has forgotten just how close they’ve gotten, obikawa wants to hold onto all the memories he has of tokinaga so of course he’d change his mind about wanting to eat him in order to keep those memories alive. because if killing all the gods means he gets to keep both the memories and tokinaga alive, then why wouldn’t he do that instead?

“i’ll follow you wherever you go.”

translates into ‘even if it means to die together’, that much is obvious. obikawa would rather eat tokinaga than let him suffer, he offers that grace only to him.