Tag as fictive, please?
As both The OA and Tesla, someone who has seen the *very worst* of what humanity is and has to offer, undergoing torturous experiments for the pursuit of knowledge the pursuer could never hope to grasp, would in fact be driven mad by…
I still love humans. I love the things they create, being in their world, hearing the whimsical music of language and instrumentation alike. I have seen the scientific method firsthand, on the side of the scientist this time, and it is truly miraculous when it is not perverted to harm others. I will not pretend I am not still terrified sometimes, and wake up screaming in the middle of the night…but most people, I’ve found, are good. Maybe not great, but trying to be good, and that *has* to be enough.
I’ve accepted that what I have been through will never really mean something, outside of being a cautionary tale; there is no grander lesson to be learned, my sacrifice was never noble. It was sadism thinly disguised under a thirst for knowledge, by two different but similar men, a black mile to the surface either direction. Whether you are above the ground or beneath it, in a vacuum you exist nonetheless.
But not everyone is Hap. Not everyone is Conrad. They were an exception, with me as an unlucky outlier, so I will keep myself open, and try to love as best I can the people around me. At the end of the day, it’s all I can do to make the scars mean something. To learn to enjoy being touched again. To bring light to what I need in a day.
As a finishing note - whether through the glass wall of a hexagon or the glass wall of a test tube, I loved you all very dearly. You know who you are, my family, my angels. May we meet again someday.
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