if i could go more than 4 hrs w/o needin a nap that would be FANTASTIC

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if i could go more than 4 hrs w/o needin a nap that would be FANTASTIC

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its sudden, your stop. the stairs signifying another moment where tendou maya truly shows ; where passion overcomes body. her persistent questions, her lack of ability to read between the lines. why you acted irrationally, why you refused to allow her to shine in the light --- why you lost to her on purpose. of course it wouldn’t have been for something so flimsy to test Saijou Claudine’s powers. You know her limits, you know her strengths.
you have no reason to test them further.
yet your pride bites, it stings --- holding you captive in your body. you cannot correct her on why you did these things, you cannot take back the flimsy lie you once told. your pride doesn’t allow it.
your pride never changes.
‘ Saijou-San. Do you really want to know the answer why. ‘ you turn, hair falling neatly to your sides, skirt gently billowing. You frown, your fists balling tightly --- perhaps too tightly. your voice raises, losing your facade --- this is tendo maya. ‘ do you believe that knowing will change anything that happened, anything that was experienced !? the past doesn’t change, Saijou Claudine. ‘
you take one step down.
‘ The reason for my coldness when we first met. the reason why my I dismissed you the moment she showed up ?! ‘ you don’t say her name in the same breath as Claudines. ‘ why I staked everything, joining their side !? do you really want to know, or would you rather stay in contentment with the excuse I gave you ?! ‘
your steps match your tone, loud, quick. bringing you back to the stair just above the blonde girl.
‘ nothing changes my actions, or my feelings for why I did them. so tell me ... do you really want to know why ... ‘
‘ ... why I risked your trust in me ? after everything ? ‘ & like a music box slowly dying, your tone drops, it wavers. it shakes & buckles, your heat gone --- your throat dry.
finally, you take one final step down, on her landing. you stand in full. you don’t show your intentions, you simply stand on equal ground with her, no smile to be found ; despite how you wore one that one fateful time. seriousness grasps your soul, threatening to break you.
@lumenchanges do you really want to know ?
emil written by emil
someone... did... a 13 reasons why... promposal... please... why.. i just....
ah how i wish he was talkin 2 me 😔😔

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plan was: attend local women’s march w best friends, meet lots of rad people, give lots of hugs n shed tears n be full of warmth n love
instead: mother yells @ me for wanting to participate in “riots” full of “pathetic people” which is embarrassing for her to explain to her coworkers, friends, and our family when they ask her why i would attend such a heinous thing
literally all key does in shinee is scream his lines