#nyclimateweek

A whole day of films today at the Climate film festival. I moderated a panel https://tickets.climatefilmfest.com/schedule/shorts-power-shift-defying-fossil-fuels-66bc11ef3bea91005c3b6dd8 - . It was movies I'd seen in preperation but still had a deep effect on me. To see black and brown bodies be so abused and devalued - just seeks to break my soul - but I will not break.

I also saw a film Hollow Tree about three teenagers from Lousiana. One of the kids in the movie moved to Thibidaux Louisiana after she came out - Thibidaux was where my dad was born. It's a town of 15K it Lafourche county. I've only been there once when my grandfather died. I drove my parents and brother there when I was in my late 20s for the funeral because I was the only person in my family with a driver's license - NYC family defined. The first real family death I experienced as an adult. The movie touched so many nerves. As a father to watch these young women come to terms with the damage of what the system of oppression has done to them. Afterwards I got to talk to one of the young women from the film. She is now in her third year at college studying computer engineering - the same degree I got. It was.. I don't actually know the right adjective - to say to this young woman, how amazing it was that she was studying computer engineering and she had shared that she is one of two or three getting that degree at her school. I didn't have the heart to tell that 25 years ago I was getting that degree in college and I was still one of 2 or 3 people of color getting that degree. It felt like to much weight to share what I felt the importance of people of color being in positions in science in engineering to be where she was.... I think she already knows. She was already being brave and shared so much. I saw myself now, my daughter growing up in this world...

When I've asked my daughter about the climate crisis, she understands how bad things are but doesn't blame me or my generation or me - but I feel guilty. I remember the sky was orange and I wanted to apologize to my daughter about the way the world was and let her know that I was fighting to change it.

She said she didn't blame me. She didn't blame my parents generations. She blamed generations before grandpa and grandma. Part of me felt good - because it wasn't me or anyone she loved that she loved for where this plane is - but at the same time I didn't feel better - because I don't believe it - my daughter's words can't absolve me of the guilt I feel - of the need I feel to do better with the time I have left on this earth - to leave this planet in a better state than it is right now - as impossible as that feels.... somehow I am still optimistic that the fight for this planet matters.. and will never stop mattering.