TW for war trauma, apocalypse talk, current events, this is a really really heavy vent and you'll probably be upset if you read it. Fair warning.
Absolutely outrageous that I barely get into adulthood when the pot boils over, metaphorically. Like I really just got out of an abusive household just in time to watch society collapse into facism around me? Things feel so hopeless. Every day the news is worse. Every month I still have to pay bills. Every day more people die from preventable things. If it isn't COVID it's police. If it isn't either it's because you can't pay your hospital bill. Everything around me feels like the first paragraph of a history textbook about a war. I grew up hearing stories about my grandparents living in facism and now I'm experiencing it for myself. I'm so scared. Panic brain says I need to prepare. I don't even know how I would prepare. Panic brain says I should download all my music and games because soon when society collapses there won't be any wifi. Panic brain says hoard food. Panic brain says don't throw anything out because it could all be useful. Panic brain says I won't be able to buy things next week.
At this point I'd prefer nuclear war. At least I can't prepare for a nuke. At least a nuke would take everyone out quick instead of leaving us to starve. I escaped a cult saying the world was ending, and I go into the world and it's ending, just not in the way they predicted.
Every problem right now is so huge and I'm just one small person. I do everything I can. I volunteer and work at nonprofits and protest and join mutual aid networks and do everything I can and nothing changes. Every day dangers get higher, fires rise, and my rent is still due and I still can't spend time hugging my friends.
