#nuffi

i truly love nuffi with all my heart and soul and his character is this wonderful combination of aspirational and inspiring and also close-to-the-bone in ways only people who know me would get

I love the concept of nuffi (ironically) becoming immortal largely because you're at ease with, and even proud of, your humanity (nuffi's an orc but whatever), you were born with nothing but absolutely resent and reject the idea of being moved around like a pawn by these greater powers, you're on the edge of eldritch madness where the music in your head is about to subsume you utterly, you're resigned to that outcome despite all the people you've bled for, despite how hard you've fought for freedom, you're resigned to the fact that ultimately you - as an individual, are a rat in a cage but also you're a revolutionary, you don't believe it ends there, and you don't want to go out like a dwindling candle, so you break yourself in half and put half of yourself into not an instrument - music has not only been your life, it's part of you in open way few understand, but is it really you? if it was always them? you haven't figured it out yet but your anger, that's always been your own, and you're more interested in being direct and to the point right now - so you put half of yourself into a sword, borrowed (stolen) from a former heiress, in fact, as one last act of defiance against those who think you're their superior, who think they can move you around like a pawn.

thinking about nuffi tonight folks... wondering what the hell made him so self-sacrificing that even with half his guts spilling out on the floor, he forced himself up the stairs to return to the action because he so desperately wanted to help someone who he believed had no one... thinking about how nuffi throws himself into helping others as a maladaptive coping mechanism, he takes the role of a protector, so people don’t have to ask, who protects you? who looks after you? so people don’t investigate his feelings and thoughts about things. thinking about how in absence of a parent for the first thirteen years of his life, nuffi began parenting other people. thinking about how petrified he is of abandonment, and to avoid that, he placed himself in a position where he wouldn’t be looked after, and how runa, a brilliant and gifted magic user renowned in underground circles, chose him as an apprentice, and spent years trying to get through to him across the length of their mentorship and built up a relationship, after a lot of hard work and trust, where he could open up to her, and let her look after him.... thinking about how all of that surfaced when she disappeared, and he coped by burying that deep, deep inside of him, so much so that no one would suspect... they just see the grin of a performer, working through a crowd, who knows the name of every person in the room of this old haunt, who appears at the centre... thinking about finding runa, again, by accident. thinking about how her response was leave – not even a warm greeting. was the warmth he imagined between himself and runa a figment of his imagination? was she using his abilities for her own aims? was there a thread of manipulation he was too dense, too enamoured, in deep admiration of his mentor, to see?