#nsnci

I don’t mean that it should be a shameful thing, or that it’s okay to reject yourself, because that’s not it at all. But it’s okay to need some time to come to terms with things. It’s okay to be awkward and uncomfortable with your own identity. Realizing that you aren’t who you maybe always thought you were, or at least who society expected you to be, is just plain uncomfortable. It takes some dealing with. No matter your support system, not everyone is instantly okay with being gay or ace or pan or agender or nonbinary or binary trans because it’s still something that makes each of us in the community different, and it’s something we’ll have to face our whole lives. Even if it’s normal, sometimes it just feels weird.

I will be honest with you: I don’t know yet.

Sometimes I think I was out of line to create a new abbreviation, as I am a simple and lowly blogger. This I will admit. Though I read my books and check the credibility of my sources and try to stay well informed, I am hardly the be-all-end-all of gender and sexuality studies and terminology. I stand by the belief that no one really is, with the limits of gender studies degrees and the everchanging landscapes of countless converging communities. But returning to the point, perhaps I should not have created the abbreviation because I do not have all answers for issues like this, even if this abbreviation is my creation.

I am a nonstraight and noncis person. I am also polyamorous. In many ways, the polyamorous experience feels very similar to the nonstraight experience. I’d go so far as to say that being polyamorous FEELS more similar to being nonstraight than being noncis does to being nonstraight, though that is my personal experience. 

In the sense that polyamory is an aspect of one’s sexual and romantic personal life and not to be judged nor discriminated against by majorities, polyamory belongs in NSNCI, right along with nonstraight. Similarly to nonstraight cases, non-polyamorous individuals have privilege that can only be reached by polyamorous people if they deny their identities. 

But there is one damning thing that stops me from making the acronym NSNCIP (or NSPNCI, more likely): I have no idea if polyamory is a choice. I have heard many polyamorous individuals say it is not, that they were born having crushes/falling in love with many people at the same time, and it is something they have no control over. I have heard others insist otherwise. I have heard polyamorous people say they are simply in polyamorous relationships to make their partners happy or for some other sake of some other convenience. At that point another question arises: is polyamorousness part of one’s personal identity, or is it something that can be taken on? Nonstraightness, noncisness, and intersexuality cannot be. But two-person relationships who are open to a third or more are still considered polyamorous even before there are additional members, most of the time.

Polyamory, like NSNCI topics, is messy. It’s not yet clearly defined. It’s not yet perfectly understood. I have found no solid research to suggest that polyamory is or is not a choice. I hope I am not being immature by saying that I am not going to answer definitively at this time. NSNCI is not a broadly used abbreviation, and I am going to continue to learn more about both polyamory and nonstraight, noncis, and intersex studies before I state clearly one way or the other. As communities and definitions evolve, NSNCI’s inclusiveness and applicability will evolve with them. 

“Transgendered is not a word.”

“Intersex isn’t a gender.”

“Transgender isn’t a gender.”

“Nonbinary is a thing.”

“I would like to introduce you to the concept of asexuality.”

“That person was never a boy/girl.”

“Genderfluid is not an orientation.”

“Transexual is also not an orientation.”

“Do you know what an orientation is or are you just making things up?”

“Transvestites, drag queens, and transwomen are not the same thing.”

“Please interview a transman this is the 6,000th interview with a transwoman I’ve read.”

“Asexuality exists.”

“That’s cissexist.”

“Where are your sources/credentials/basic understanding of at least one intersex issue.”

“Those people are pansexual, not bisexual.”

“Why are we even discussing polyamory in this article about transgenderism?”

“TRANSGENDERED IS NOT A WORD.”

“THAT’S NOT WHAT INTERSEX IS.”

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