#nprgoblins

Why AOC Will Never Be President, and Why Your Aunt’s Pantsuit Is Losing You Swing States

Please, Democrats.

For the love of whatever back-alley body-autonomy god you scream about when elections are close…

Pick. A. Leader. That. The. American. Male. Will. Fight. For.

Not tolerate.

Not “support” from guilt.

I mean stand up for. Defend. Carry into battle.

Instead, every cycle, you roll out another:

🧾 Shrill HR department mascot

📣 Trauma-informed TikTok translator

🧠 Gender-studies TED Talker with pronouns longer than her resume

💼 Overcredentialed NPR voice in a pantsuit who still thinks gas prices are a patriarchy issue

You think men are the problem?

Men are the customer.

And you haven’t just stopped selling to them.

You’ve insulted them for even showing up at the counter.

Here’s the truth you don’t want to hear:

The average American man — Black, white, Latino, Asian, mechanic, veteran, tradesman, factory lifer, tech bro, or trucker —

will not vote for someone who talks like a Twitter thread and moves like a DEI workshop on wheels.

He’s not scared of women.

He’s done with performative ones.

He doesn’t want your feminist mascot.

He wants a leader — someone who can hold a sentence, a stare, and a line in the sand.

And if you don’t offer him that?

He’ll vote for the other guy.

Even if that guy is 93% embalming fluid.

You think this is sexist? Think again.

Because the wives, daughters, girlfriends, and mothers of America?

They agree. Quietly. And they vote that way too.

They’ll never say it out loud.

But they see what you’ve done to their sons.

To their brothers.

To the country.

And the ballot box?

That’s where their rage finally gets to speak.

Now. Let’s talk about the part no one dares to say in public.

👨‍✈️ Men are still required to register for the draft.

At 18, boys are told:

“You have a civic duty to be cannon fodder if we need you.”

Meanwhile, their female peers are in Gender Justice 101 yelling:

“We don’t need no man!”

Until, of course, they need a bodyguard on the street,

a first responder at the scene,

or a wallet on the first date.

The very men they call “privileged” are the same ones expected to risk life and limb on command —

even for a country that often doesn’t even thank them anymore.

Here’s the bitter pill:

The Selective Service is still real.

And until women are subject to the same draft obligations?

You will never — and I mean never — see a majority of men vote a woman into the White House.

Not because they hate women.

But because they know the job description includes dying for this country if needed.

And right now?

Only men are on the hook for that.

Think that logic is toxic masculinity?

Then explain why your own feminist friends still expect a man to walk them to their car at night.

Explain why your progressive boyfriend still paid for the Uber.

Explain why you still call dad when sh*t breaks down.

Because when danger shows up —

real masculinity stops being toxic real fast.

And let me be clear:

👩‍✈️ ✨This is NOT an attack on women who serve.✨

Every woman who’s ever worn the uniform, stood post, deployed, or died for this country?

You are owed every ounce of honor we can give.

You stood shoulder to shoulder with your brothers.

You earned your place.

And no man of value will ever lump you in with the armchair feminists who think retweets are resistance.

This post is about those who want the crown —

but would faint if asked to bleed for it.

You keep running:

🧚‍♀️ Feminist micro-celebs with TikTok energy

🧠 Policy wonks who think leadership is a podcast segment

🧯 DEI-trained bureaucrats who want to manage the people, not lead them

Then you act surprised when men ghost the polls.

Hell, they’re not just ghosting.

They’re voting against you.

You want to win?

Here’s what you run:

🧔 A man. A real one.

With the discipline of a general.

The bluntness of a contractor.

And the calm of a man who’s seen sh*t but still shows up to fix the furnace.

Not a scold.

Not a mascot.

Not a performance piece in a suit.

Just a man.

One who doesn’t apologize for having testosterone.

Until then?

You’ll keep getting bodied at the polls.

Not because America is bigoted.

But because you’ve forgotten how to speak to its backbone.

And when you mock the masculine?

You lose the only people left who know how to carry things through hell.

⚖️ LEGAL DISCLAIMER:

This post is satire, commentary, and cultural critique protected by free expression.

It is not a call to action. It is not an attack.

If this post makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself if it’s because it’s hateful —

or because it made sense in a way you weren’t ready for.

✨ TL;DR:

Until the people who demand leadership are willing to serve in uniform,

don’t be surprised when voters look for the ones who already have.

Because masculinity is not the enemy.

It’s the one thing holding your country together.

And the more you mock it?

The more men — and women — vote red.

Even if they hate the other guy.

***TEST TIME***

(Answer honestly, or lie and stay miserable — up to you.)

🧠 Have you ever used the term “toxic masculinity” unironically?

🧠 Do you think "strong male leadership" is an outdated concept?

🧠 Do you believe telling men to “do better” is a replacement for actual policy?

If yes to any of these?

Congratulations.

You're why Trump got a second term.

You’re also why America has:

📉 The highest SSRI prescription rate in women in recorded history

🍼 The lowest fertility rate since industrialization

💔 The most single, childless, deeply medicated women ever documented

😞 And this is important… the most miserable.

This isn’t a culture war.

It’s a failed social experiment.

You were sold empowerment and given burnout.

You were promised equity and handed serotonin capsules in genderless packaging.

You were told men are the enemy — when all along, they were the firewall between you and a society run by nihilism and hashtags.

🔁 REBLOG if you’re tired of watching the left run on vibes and soft font

💬 COMMENT if you’ve ever watched a man do more for his family than any policy ever did