#notsurviving

Can’t get back to sleep this morning... too much anxiety & hurt. I hate this... I hate that I can’t stop crying... I hate that I know its not going to be a good weekend... I hate that I’m feeling like this! This isn’t living, its barely surviving, but I don’t know what to do to make me feel better or for this to go away.

Honestly I hate how you’re becoming, staying out till 3am...doing what? out at bars, clubbing, talking to girls...who knows, but it 100% doesn’t involve me or slip your mind that we have barely talked. Everything is more important than me now, being with your “fam” and partying it up on the weekends, everything else is before me. Its like everyone else gets loafs of bread and I’m just given the crumbs. I’m not okay with any of it, how could I be, no one can live off of crumbs, especially when they're use to being given the best of the best, I mean I don’t even know any of these people, you’re barely talking to me. You would think I would get more time on the weekends to talk or FaceTime or SOMETHING but no... its worse than during the week when you have school. Even when we do talk its always about you, you don’t know anything about what’s  been going on in my life lately...you don’t seem to care. You say you miss me but it sure doesn’t show, if I missed someone I’d try and talk to them more not less. Its like I don’t even know you anymore, and the person I’m seeing currently I don’t like at all...how am I suppose to see you in a week and be in love...cause right now I’m not feeling very “in love”... I’m in pain and you’re the one causing it. I don't want to be treated like this by anyone...especially you... my love for you is deeper than anything and that’s why this is killing me even more; I don’t see how you can tell me you love me multiple times throughout the day but then don’t even treat me like the women you love... its just words you say now to try and make things “OK”, but there is no depth to your words anymore, they’re empty... I feel so worthless and unimportant, I just want you to be interested in me and to be the first person you want to give attention to, not the last. I need more than just crumbs...and I deserve more...