#notsocrabby

IF YOU’RE GOING TO TOSS OUT BOGUS FACTS AT ME, YOU CAN AT LEAST RESEARCH THEM AND ACTUALLY GET THEM RIGHT. I’M 5’5”, IT’S ACTUALLY CALLED A BLOOD PUSHER OR VASCULAR PUMP WHICH IS A MUCH MORE APPROPRIATE WORD THAN *YOUR* TERM “HEART”, AND  IT IS LITERALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS HOW MANY FUCKING PAILS I HAVE FILLED. WHERE THAT EVEN BECAME PART OF THIS BATSHIT YOU HAVE GRACED MY FUCKING WINDOWS WITH BY SMEARING IT’S CONTENTS ALL OVER THE PLACE IS BEYOND PATHETIC AND QUESTIONABLE. MY GEYSERS MAY BE FILLED WITH BULLSHIT, BUT OVER ALL YOU HAVE ONLY WORKED TO PROVE THAT YOUR STUPIDITY GOES DEEPER THAN JUST BLOOD. IT’S THE FUCKING STRUCTURE THAT MOLDS YOUR BONES IN THAT PATHETIC PINK MONEY BODY OF YOURS KEEPING YOU STABLE DURING YOUR WORTHLESS EXISTENCE SLOWLY DRIFTING THROUGH THIS UNIVERSE WITH NO ACTUAL MEANING OTHER THAN TO BE THE INSUFFERABLE FUCK PUPPET THAT ISN’T EVEN THE PROPER INSULT TO ADDRESS YOU AS. 

YOU ARE MUCH WORSE THAN THAT, STRIDER. YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT JOKES, I MIGHT AS WELL SCRIBBLE THE FUCKING MESS ALL OVER YOUR FACE BECAUSE THIS MAY NOT BE A JOKE BUT *YOU* ARE. YOUR SHIPS WILL GO DOWN IN A BARRAGE OF FUCKING RAGE BULLETS SENT DIRECTLY FROM THE OPPOSING SIDE: ME. THE MISDEMEANOR BEING THAT YOU HAVE FUCKED WITH THE WRONG TROLL. THE ONLY THING THAT SMELLS LIKE PISS IS THE UTTER MESS YOU HAVE WET YOURSELF IN THE VERY MOMENT YOU DECIDED IT WAS OKAY TO APPROACH ME AND POUR OUT THIS EXTENSIVE ABOUT OF ASSFUCKERY ALL BEFORE MY EYES.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW THE ACTUAL START OF THE WORD SWAG?? SWAG ORIGINALLY STOOD FOR, “SECRETLY WE ARE GAY.” NO WHERE IN THAT CAN YOU MAKE ACTUAL CONNECTION TO SOMETHING IMPOSING AND STUNNING TO THE EXTENT YOU ARE TRYING TO CRADLE THIS WORD LIKE A FUCKING PINK MUTANT CRADLED TO SUCKLE THE NIPPLE OF IT’S NURTURING HUMAN MOTHER. FUCKING GAY SHOULDN’T EVEN BE A THING, YOU HUMANS ARE WEIRD FOR ACTUALLY MAKING GENDERS AN IMPORTANT ROLE IN ROMANTIC SOCIETY. YOU HAVE LITERALLY LOST THIS BATTLE BEFORE IT HAD BEGUN AND I ASSURE YOU THE FAILURE OF YOUR ATTEMPT WILL BE FAR REMEMBERED AND DEEMING TO DROP YOU DOWN THE STEPS OF THE “COOL” LADDER YOU HAVE HIGHLY SETTLED YOUR FOOTING ON. I WILL FUCKING KICK YOU OFF THAT LADDER, DIRK STRIDER, PRINCE OF FESTERING DISCHARGE STRIDING HIS FUCKING WAY INTO THE WRATH HE HAS UNLEASHED UPON HIMSELF THE MOMENT HE DECIDED TO SQUAWK IN MY GENERAL DIRECTION. OH, RIGHT. SHOULD I SAY QUACK?? BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE ADDRESSED YOU AS AND I STAND BY MY FUCKING NOTION. THE ONLY FUCKING QUACK REMAINS YOU. 

YOUR LIFEBLOOD IS A FUCKING LIE BIGGER THAN YOUR SIMMERING, BURNT CAKE COULD EVER MANAGE TO BE. THE ONLY THING I SEE BEING WASHED AWAY IS YOUR DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO MAKE YOURSELF NOTICED FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK IT’S ACTUALLY COOL TO THROW AROUND THE WORD “SWAG.” YOUR STENCH HAS COMPLETELY FILLED MY APARTMENT AND IT REEKS OF FALSE HOPES AND CRUMBLED ATTEMPTS TO MAKE YOURSELF SOMETHING BETTER THAN THE PATHETIC LIFE FORM YOU WILL NEVER SURPASS EVEN GIVEN YOUR GREATEST ATTEMPTS. I AM YOUR FUCKING GOD, I HAVE NO FUCKING TIME FOR YOUR MINDLESS USE OF WORDS SENT IN MY DIRECTION WITH SOME SORT OF EFFORT TO ACTUALLY CREATE A FIGHT BETWEEN YOU AND I.

WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN THE PURPOSE OF THIS?? DON’T MOST PEOPLE ACTUALLY GREET EACH OTHER WITH “HELLO.”