#notanextrovert

One of the hardest parts of being an introvert is to be understood and respected by other people for who you are. I feel like I have to justify myself to others when I say no to parties or just in general when I say no to hanging out with people. Because some people cannot put themselves into my place. They cannot understand why I would prefer to be alone and at home rather than being at a party with lots of people and drinks. 

From what I have experienced, one of the worst things you can do, is to say no to a party. To me it has always seemed like it was NOT acceptable to say "Sorry, but I don't want to go to your party. I feel better when I'm at home, but I'll visit you some other day". It's just not. People won't take no for an answer unless they get a good explanation. So I've lied my ass off. 

Is not really okay to lie, is it? But since I was little I have experienced that it's not okay to say no to a party. If I didn't want to go I had to lie about it, being all "oh no, I can't... I have lots of homework"/"I can't... I'm feeling a bit ill today"/"No, sorry. I have to help my mum". I constantly had to make up excuses, because many people couldn't understand why I would rather sit at home. It was an impossible thought to them. But not to me. 

I also had to do that through high school. And one day I told a couple of the girls from my class that I didn't like to party. And I said something awkward like "I really like all of you guys in this class, but I just don't want to party with you" - yeah, perhaps not the best way to put it? I loved my class! But I didn't like the parties, and I'm pretty sure those girls probably thought I was weird or being rude. 

But these things didn't just stop when high school was over. I've been with my boyfriend for 1,5 years, and I've been to a few parties with his family. The problem is that they and I have nothing in common. I like intellectual stuff, reading books, relaxing, being alone. They like to drink and party and be social. None of them ever read any books and my boyfriend's mum and sisters are dyslexic. They are not bad people. They are nice enough. But we have nothing in common. When I go to parties they ask me to "say something. Don't be so quiet. No one will rip your head off". But I don't want to, because being at a party can be like torture for me. Especially when the atmosphere can be rather rude and uncomfortable (which, unfortunately, is the case in their family). 

I don't even speak much if it's a party in my OWN bloody family. But my family... they sort of understand - that's just who I am. They haven't tried to change me, and I can't remember that they've ever asked me to "talk more" or to "say something". 

When people ask me to "say something" or to "talk more" it makes me react in the opposite direction - I get annoyed, uncomfortable, and sometimes even sad and upset, because why can't people accept that I am who I am? 

So what should I do? Try to fit into their standards of how a human being should react? No. Because I feel better when I can sit at home (or do something I like - like going to concerts, shopping, go for a walk etc.), with my family, or a friend, or my boyfriend and just enjoy the silence and feel comfortable. And I would rather have a thousand of those moments than having to pretend that I am social/extrovert at a thousand parties.