#notallfunandgames

THANK GOD THAT WAS THE CHALLENGE I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE. I HAVE A DOCUMENT WITH ALL TWENTY FACTS THAT HAVE BEEN POSTED DFSKDHFSJK I STUDIED SO HARD. bein a nerd pays off, huh! I think that night went right in line for what I wanted to do, I'm just worried that Ali voted for Kevin now because I NEED kevin ali and I to ride this out to three. I think being the one to vote for Ashvika made me get into Cameron's good graces for the end but IDK FDSKAJHFKJSDFHKJDSHAFKJHSDAFKJ i literally just....wow frick. So winning immunity was good for me and then going into that decision on call, I knew I needed to get the vote onto Ashvika and NOT Ali. I wasn't sure if he had the idol or not, but the first thing to come to my mind was that he had just played the other one....so I went with it, hoping they'd all risk voting Ashvika anyways AND THEY DID and then ALI HAD THE IDOL. Even if Ashvika had it and Dana left, that would've been completely fine with me too. This was SUCH A GOOD NIGHT for me im cryin. I know I need to get immunity now though probably because Dana is really making me out to be a big threat to Kevin. But hopefully I can convince Kevin that Dana and Zach need to be split up before it gets to final four. I hope Kevin doesnt vote me out at five... :( but im gonna do everything in my power to win this challenge. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH wow i have come so far and my rat ass just needs to see this the whole way thru

Wig found dead in a ditch. Five players found bald and barely alive in All-Stars, begging for mercy from the hosts only to be kicked and beaten. Three deaths. Two casualties. More at 11. I'mmm shook. I hope Ashvika isn't too mad because after the Emily vote she was like "let's work together" and I'm like "cool" and then I'm like "lol maybe not :)" I just...didn't want to take any risks since Ali and Ashvika's votes were pretty much shots in the dark, so any other plan would have been very risky (and potentially only 2 votes could've sent me home). But at least the Cameron vote worked out! Wig SLIGHTLY readjusted but still not really there. So...final 5! I think I'm the only one left who's already improved their previous placement because I'm a #failure. It's not difficult to surpass expectations when you're a disappointment. I kinda like to think of this as the Wentworth effect where I'm the returnee that didn't do anything but because of that I get far. I don't know how much that affects my shot at 1st place though. Also tea time? I was hoping to vote out Owen final 6 but um he won immunity and also it was fucking instant. I have no idea what my chances of winning are at this point. Zach thinks he has a better shot of winning over Dana which...I don't know, I wouldn't necessarily agree but I won't bring him down. I think Owen can definitely beat me, like, no doubt. Now that it's final 5, and idols are gone, I can be more transparent in moves because I don't have to fear anything going wrong, but at the same time that might make me get exposed more quickly. I have no idea who I want to vote, or who I want to go to the final 3 with. At this very instant I would vote out Owen and...Dana? But I feel like one of Zach or Dana has a lot of the jurors' votes locked down because I...didn't really talk to them? Like, especially with Ruthie and Will. I don't know whose vote if anyone's I have locked down. The farther I get into this game the more my confidence decreases. I mean, I have 12 votes to my name, which can be impressive? But at the same time this game's been a total rollercoaster. Like I was a total mess at the beginning of the merge, voting in the minority twice, and then I was in a majority alliance, and then I wasn't, and then I was, and now shit has hit the fan and I don't know where it's gonna fly. I totally didn't talk game with a bunch of jurors so like...I wouldn't be surprised at 0 FTC votes at this point??? 

from last round pre-tribal I’m writing this on a plane, with a headache that feels like my brain is going to explode so what could go wrong! I have done a terrible job of confessing for the last like four rounds, so I’m using this flight to write a mammoth essay to summarise my experiences and reasoning for the last couple of rounds. I’m going to start as far back as the Duncan vote, which while I still stand by it on a game level, was rough personally. Duncan was someone I wanted to work with all the way, we had a great call the night after Jack was voted off that I felt really good about. I told him *everything* about my game, that Cameron had an idol, that I had an idol, E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. What troubled me on a game level was how Duncan reacted after the vote and how concerning that was for me. Duncan said he felt “betrayed” by me to everyone after the vote… and like mc’what. I messaged him before the vote, just saying “hi” and he didn’t respond – otherwise I would’ve messaged him! And, when I shared information with him, the idea was he wouldn’t spill stuff (I know its ironic me saying this knowing I spill things a sieve, him telling everyone and their mothers about Cameron’s idol, which I told him in such confidence, was real damaging to my game. With that said, I really love Duncan. He is supportive and kind ; he loves his friends and is always there for everyone, including me. So while voting out Duncan was definitely the right move for my game, it frustrates me that he kinda….. set himself up for a fall. Anywho…. Duncan has become my scapegoat for everything now asmdfkasf. For starters, as soon as someone (Emily?) told me that Duncan told her I told him about Cameron’s idol (true), I went straight to Cameron and said Duncan must be framing me. Furthermore, while I’ve known for ages that Emily told Owen about my idol (Owen didn’t need to tell me), I have been telling Emily I assume it was Duncan (mainly because I knew she told Owen, but wanted her to tell me the truth. I literally wouldn’t have been even that mad, she told him right after the Lily vote out when emotions were running high…. But she lied to me and paid the price (NOT REALLY THAT WASN’T WHY IM AN EMILY STAN FOREVER AND ALWAYS) So… that was the Duncan vote. Now…. *gulps* Will. Will was winning this game, no ifs, no buts. He was connected to everyone, minus the personal dramas Trevor brought with him, he was the Trevor of All Stars. And when I came to All Stars, I was determined to not repeat past mistakes, so I made an aggressively big move and voted out Will. I still stand by it, while it made me cry that he said to never talk to him again, on a game level, it was 100% the right move. The fact that I was able to then regain trust with Cameron/Dana/Zach showed it was fine in the long term…… but whew. So yeah, I think I did that 30minute video confessional after the Will vote which probably ran through all my thoughts on that vote, but then…. Then I started exploring alternative relationships. Dana especially, first I love Dana, she is so funny and is so negative about herself when I think she is genuinely great, was really keen to make connections with me and Owen, something I helped ensure happened. Cameron…. Cameron is really good at playing from the bottom, he is such a firey player, that you (and not in an emotional blackmail-y way) really want to share information with him. With that said, he did frustrate me around the Ruthie vote, because I was telling him that he didn’t need to play his idol to show trust, but that was as far as I could go. Ruthie was a queen, but I wanted to ensure I had numbers everywhere, and I felt since she had been very quiet, she would just stick with Dana and Zach, making that grouping even stronger than it already was. So yikes. After the Will vote, soupcess was an alliance that happened, which was me, Owen, Emily, Ashvika and Kevin. I love those 4, but they were scary….. so I knew I couldn’t stick with them long term. Additionally, there was an alliance of the sneak (owen), the leak (ali) and the weep (Emily) that was ICONIC, but I…. I knew I couldn’t go all that far with Owen and Emily. Side note, I loved the alliance name in that even thought it was a nickname for each of us, I could be all three. But yeah so after the Ruthie vote came a tribal I feel I was in such a power position for (as well as Owen). Emily announced in both the chats I was in with her that she had a vote negator, and intended to negate Cameron’s vote to allow us to split the votes at the next tribal. I was conflicted at this point, how could I ensure Cameron’s idol got burnt, but that it wasn’t Zach or Dana that went home (because I want to go to F3 with them, more on that later). Owen and I (for now at least RIP, I know I need to vote him out) were on the same page. So then…. we had a plan (that I diverted from somewhat)… If we agreed to vote Ashvika, then the vote would seem like it was gonna be 3-3-2. That way.. both Cameron would need to play his idol and Emily would go home. There was more reasoning to this (including that we wanted Emily’s vote negator to ensure Cameron idoled), but it worked…. I diverted from it slightly for two reasons, one) I love Emily on a personal level and knew she didn’t have an idol (because I have it mwahahhahahhahahahhahah), and didn’t want to put her through a tie-vote knowing she would go home two) so I can say I was in the majority every time still 😊. But yeah, I am now the only player left in the game with anything seemingly, and I have…. Three things. Two idols and a “spyglass” that allows me to reveal whomst voted whomst. Call me three chains, my rap alter ego. Actually I lied ,Owen has an extra vote that he has to play this round. So yeah, this round I think Cameron needs to go. Cameron has *GLOWN* up as player. He is an icon, but he is also winning so needs to go. Anyway, the seatbelt noise just went so time to go, see y’all at tribal woo! ________________________________________________________________ Ahhhhhh F5. So Cameron went out with a hiccup, which I love Cameron and I'm so sorry he had to go, but it was the right move for my game. And now is the upsetting part, I couldn't go on call for tribal for the challenge, and I had to submit a list of my votes AND GOSH DARN WHY DIDN'T I PUT ASHVIKA FIRST. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Anyways, so Ashvika went 4-1-1 (my first vote not for who went home :( ) and now we are at F5 and the FINALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I'm selling hard that I'm a goat, even though...... I potentially don't think I am? I know I can't sit at the end with Owen, but any of the other two I could see myself working around, but I think ideally I'd like to be at the end with Dana & Zach? Just because Owen.... is well Owen the iconic icon himself and Kevin has such a pheonemenal underdog story..... But RIP, I made the finale, I misplayed two idols, but kept an idol a secret so I achieved one goal! I have two goals left, one is make FTC and stay on the "Never Voted Out" section and two is..... maybe to win. Honestly winning would be the icing on the cake,  it'd be sweet (like the icing) 

DANA KEEPS SAYING THINGS ABOUT HOW IM PLAYING SUCH A GOOD GAME AND IT'S SO OBVIOUS SHE'S TRYING TO GET KEVIN TO VOTE ME OUT NEXT KFAJDSH LITERALLY IF I'M GONE SHE WINS THE GAME I'M GONNA SCREAM STOP DOING THAT DANA I SEE WHAT UR DOING.

I'm sad. I wish I had the courage to idol Ashvika last time, as that would've put me in a much better spot :( I think right now, I need to be at F3 with Kevin/Dana/Zach, but... I don't know how I'm going to be able to vote out Owen. Like I keep doing these rough votes that really hurt my heart..... but voting out Owen right at the end *again* might..... it might take the cake..... Owen deserved to win Emathia and... I got in the way of that. To do that again would be really.... really rough :( I know its a smart vote, but it'll break my heart

Here I am, in the finale episode (once again - well, in Cordillera I was one away but final 5 should be finale NOT final 4 sorry)! But like i'm shocked. Okay so just to reestablish what's happened over the last two days. Cameron left - not a shocker. Rather hypocritical that he wants to be like "wow I feel betrayed I was nothing but nice to you" when you're going around throwing out my name to people. Calm down. I love him as a person but for real? I ain't tolerating that fakeness!!! I get it's a game though so no hard feelings but he's going to be bitter so. Instant - not shocking. Holding our hands up and not being able to PM? Now that's where i'm SHOOK! But ideally yeah I thought about the same things as Owen which was Ali's whole scheme with idols and I mean... I didn't want Ashvika to go but it's better her than me yeah. Now we're at 5 with Owen/Dana/Ali/Kevin/Myself. Here's how I want to work things out. Owen's clearly the top front runner, so he has to go. I think Dana is upset, and honestly I am too. Like I adore him and love him and just... I hope him and I can be friends after the season because he's so funny and great and... I feel so shitty. I feel literally the worse, but I must do so. Then at F4, here's how it's kind of situated... Dana said she'll take me to F3 no matter what. I don't fully trust her and i'll be honest, she wants to win and she thinks the two BIGGER goats right now are Ali and Kevin. I don't disagree. I think Kevin's a goat at this point. Ali isn't a GOAT necessarily, but I don't think he'd get my vote if i was on jury. Then again, i'd have to wait to see his finale response. I would personally, and I feel crappy once again, cut Dana at f4 if given the opportunity. I think my best shot for sure is against Ali and Kevin, where Ali could win but I hope I would. Ugh. If I get 2nd again i'll be MISERABLE since i've gotten 2nd/5th and I don't want to repeat any placements. Like, i'd rather get 3rd than 2nd tbh. But 1st is the best 100% But also, thinking about the finale. I think the only people i've pissed off are Emily, Cameron and maybe Ashvika so far. I don't think they see my game fully, and probably think i'm Dana's b*tch - which is actually false. Like, sure she's controlled my first and second merge vote, but I played half the game without her, and then the remainder with her but also making some decisions and giving my input. It's just that she's more outspoken than me which would win her over. If I go to jury however, the order of most to least likely to receive my vote is: Owen > Dana > Kevin = Ali; it'd depend on speeches of the last two but the first two is practically solidified. Lastly, the endurance/pressure cooker is in literally 3 1/2 hours i'm going to freak. I think I can win it?? Hopefully?? Ali or myself at this point. I don't see Dana, or even Kevin/Owen winning this challenge but in the end it's anyones game so wooh.

I'm feeling very uncertain about the end game right now bc it's like??? Is there a way I can win? At this point...we just don't know. I'm assuming it's an F3 FTC. If Zach and Dana go home... Idk if I can beat Owen like at all jsjddj. I know Will is bitter towards Ali and Owen so like...there's one vote for me. There's some good in not talking to the people you vote out! But then like...what then skdj. Idk I've voted in the minority a lot while I think the Duncan vote was the only time Owen voted incorrectly? And he's very like...transparently strategically smart, like that was showcased to the entire jury when he deduced that Ali had two idols at the live instant tribal. But if I go with one of Dana or Zach to the end then they probably have both Will's and Ruthie's vote, maybe even Cameron depending on how bitter he remains. And this isn't taking into account their actual gameplay too and they only need three more votes. And I've just played such a messy game akdjd like I've voted incorrectly at like...5 or 4 votes now? To echo Karen, I am most certainly not W I N N I N. 

Pressure Cooker starts in an hour and 30 mins EEEK. Side note, can I just say how much I love this F5 (not that the people who went before weren't also iconic): Zach: Such a king, so sweet and nice. Always makes me laugh Dana: So fun. Just such a bubbly, great person to be around and talk to. too negative about herself, and is too nice about me ankdsjfla Owen: A KING. I love me some Owen, honestly he is such a genuinely nice person, not a bad bone in his body Kevin: So sweet! I still remember when after Emathia he said he voted me for PoTS because he.... recognised greatness. Few things have made me happier than seeing that So in other words, I better get voted out next, so the final four can have maximised iconicness! ________________________________________________________________ I think I left a contradictory confessional earlier but I think... I think I want to go to F3 with Zach and Kevin atm.... but I could go with Dana. I have two options. Either I vote (maybe?) with Kevin and Owen for Dana this time. Then next round pray Owen doesn't win FIC and vote him out next round? OR I vote out Owen with Zach and Dana, and pray Kevin doesn't win FIC, in which case I am pretty sure I go home ajksdflksf YIKES. I don't know, I need to have a hard think. I think the problem is Owen is the only person I KNOW I can't go to FTC with, and I wouldn't be that uncomfortable with any pairing of the other 3, but to vote Owen out at F5 relies on me winning FIC, because even if Kevin doesn't win it and say Dana does, they could easily vote me out 3-1..... so eek I don't know!

I need to win this competition but I don't think I can :'( I'm so scared and zach is gonna go all out and i dont rlly have a cup and im freaking out what if I have to pee

I won't win this challenge... but all im saying is Owen better nawt. 

OKAY I kinda wish Owen had won immunity or Dana had bc that? Would've made things easier? Seaux I guess Ali and I are the swing votes, which is a pro of being irrelevant rn bc no one wants us out! Dana and Owen are probably going @ each other's throats. I talked to Owen a little bit on call last night and we basically talked about how they have certain jury votes locked up and stuff. I think the best move is to get out Dana right now and pray that Owen doesn't win immunity next round? Either way we go part of it depends on challenge performance. If we take Owen, we have to beat him at immunity. If we take Dana, one of us has to beat her at the tiebreaker challenge. I prefer the odds of the first scenario but the day's just begin so we'll see how things develop

I'm the swing vote and I want to be swung into a pit of lava ________________________________________________________________ Ughhhh, I think I'm voting Owen out tonight and it truly hurts my heart :( He deserves to win this game, but that might be why he has to go. Its a BIG risk going into final four, but its.... a risk that could be game-winning. If I let Owen go to F4, he could so easily win the FIC. So so SO easily

I'm too fucking stupid to be a swing vote what the hell

Ok TLDR i'm actually likely to leave tonight. It's me or my husband Owen, who unironically stan and love with my whole heart. That's sappy and upsetting, but like wig I am who I am. So I thought 4 a long time last night, and I was like "what is Owen going to say to try and mist them into voting me out?" This, of course, required me to pretend I was smart and rational for a little while. I came to three conclusions: 1) Dana has won in this series before, she can do it again 2) Zach and Dana are an inseparable duo 3) I will take you to F3/ F2, and Dana wont (this one is mostly applicable to Kev) So I jumped right in to mitigate all these threats with both Kevin/ Ali at the start. For the sake of not explaining it, I sent receipts from my conversation with Kevin. 1) First, and most importantly, he 100% wins this game if he makes final tribal council. Emily, Duncan, and Cameron have all said they will vote for him. I will also vote for him as a juror no questions asked, which means he wins this game. He might tell you this isn’t true, but it is kind of undeniable. 2) You probably won’t have the option to vote him out at F4. If you keep me this vote, i’m not really any more of a competition threat than any of the rest of us, whereas Owen is. Owen will also KNOW that he has to win F4 immunity to get to FTC, meaning his efforts are really going to be dedicated to that. So, keeping Owen, who is clearly the biggest threat this round, is effectively saying you are comfortable sitting next to him at FTC. 3) I’m just as likely to win as you, Zach, and Ali. I have people on the jury who have told me they won’t vote for me (Cameron) and people in this game I did not talk to basically at all who have no reason to vote or me (Emily/ Charlotte) and people who will vote for you over me (Duncan/ Ashvika). 4) The viable arguments against keeping me, from my perspective, are 1) that i have won before 2) that Zach and I are a magical inseparable duo that you can’t let get to F4. 3)Keeping me is a risk because we haven’t played this game together.  Re: Point 1. Owen has won several games as well, perhaps not in the Athena series, but that was my only win ever and was by a very slim margin at that. I have literally been a meme this game, and don’t have a resume that is even comparable to Owen’s. Re: Point 2. This is a game, Zach and I have played many of them together before, and betrayed each other in late game. He voted me out at F6 in Bahamas, he voted me out at F5 in another game, we are friends but i didn’t play this game for a month to let friendship get in the way of playing a game. I’m a painfully logical player, so emotions aside, I’m not blind to the fact that Zach and I might not be what’s best for each other at F4. We’ve already addressed that we might vote each other in late game, and if that happens it happens. I’ve been burned at F3 by my friends, and i’m not letting that happen again. Re: Point 3. At this point in the game, that’s not really something that should be super critical. I’ve said it to you time and again, I think you will be at FTC, which means taking a risk on someone you aren’t as close to is a small risk to take (not to mention your odds of being able to vote me out next time are higher than your odds of being able to vote Owen). Also at this point in the game, again from my perspective, doing what gives you your best chance of winning is more important than relationships (this is how i feel about my own game as well). I think you can beat me, but I don’t think you can beat Owen. Ok so Ali and Kevin are both telling me they're thinking of keeping me, which honestly, trying to be objective, I think is both of their best moves. Now here is the problem: OWEN IS SMART AND MANIPULATIVE AND HE IS TRICKING ME. Like @ me: WHY ARE YOU LETTING A MAN TRICK YOU. Owen is the most anti-feminist thing that has ever happened to me. Ok,  so after him campaigning to Ali to get me out, he pops into my pms and is like "how about u me and zaq vote together." Now Owen, who knows it is in everyone's best interest to take him out this round, so he is trying to reason with me, which WOULDNT NORMALLY WORK, except he's a slippery snake and also he has misted me so hard idk like i'm his #1 fan. So basically, he's like "lets not give Ali and Kevin the power, Dana" and i'm like omg ur so right!!! Love u Owen!!! Except i know he: 1) Knows people are leaning towards voting him out over me, and basically has to try some trickery. 2) IS going to exploit this. Like dont u give me a prisoners dilema, ask me to take the biggest risk in the entire game, and think i'm not going to see through it boi. I learned all about this EXACT SCENARIO in my college bird ecology class. I cannot be tricked. 3) Thinks he can trick me because I love him so much that i'll listen. So, despite the fact that I am going to cry(tm) tonight when Owen hopfully leaves, I don't listen to men, and i'm voting him out. I'll take my 50% chance of staying and i'll work her for all she's worth. Also me tonight if i don't get voted out: 

I won final five immunity and i'm so stoked. I didn't need it at all I don't think (#GoatStatus) but I needed to secure that Owen would go, especially since it became a showdown between him and I. But if Owen ever reads this. I want u to know that ur an amazing person and player and i love u and think you're funny and i truly feel devastated voting you out. you deserve so much better and u've played phenomenally and if i wasn't like... wanting to win, i would totally throw my game for you and i'm sure Dana would too. but now going forward i just need to win F4 immunity and I think eliminate Dana, and then I should win but maybe Ali will. Either way, it's fine. I think I have a better shot against Ali/Kevin than I do with dana/kevin. ugh this sucks like i've genuinely been so distraught and upset about the idea of even voting out owen like... he's so nice and a great player and literally... the question about "other than piracy, what would u get arrested for?" - well, you see... the only crime i've committed is robbery if all goes accordingly tonight.

This could potentially be my last confessional in the game if everyone flips and votes me over Owen tonight, but I just wanted to say it’s been a great game no matter what. This is by far the toughest vote for me, but I either vote Owen out tonight, or I vote him  to win this game. As always, I do what gives me my best chance to win, as much as it sucks. So, hopefully, goodbye snake king ily

fksdjhfj god I don't even know what to say.... I think this Athena journey has been a lot similar to my first one. I made the moves I wanted. I stumbled a little along the way but I made every blunder into an opportunity to further myself. I maneuvered myself through groups of people to get an advantage for myself. and I fsjkhkj idk I've really played my heart out both times but the difference is this time that I'm not going down without a fight. I think Ali and Kevin rn are leaning towards voting me out bc I'm some huge, scary threat and I just....I understand I guess. I understand because I think maybe I have a shot to win the game if I have the votes I think I would. But it's also frustrating because Dana is going to win too. And the plea I've really made to them is like... Dana and Zach are a duo. Dana has won this game before. Dana is playing you so hard to get to the end, and it's true. I think Dana has played an even better game than I have because she's going to be here next round and I'm not And then I approached Dana and tried to get her to vote with me dfkjash which did not go so well for me either. Idk basically I told her I would rather ensure we both survive than to put control in Ali and Kevin's hands and that i don't want us to get fifth and fourth when we deserve it the most, etc etc but it's prob just best for her to vote me out bc she has zach next round soooo she wouldn't take me up on that. I think the place where I messed up was the challenge obviously. I went as long as I could and if I had just stuck it out a little longer...idk. The hard thing is like, Zach knew he didn't need to win it, but he still wanted it. And that was a scary thing to face off against because I gave it everything I had knowing I probably needed it, and he was able to press just as hard knwoing he was safe without it. It was fkdjshdf rough as hell. But I'm proud of myself for what I did and I'm proud of myself for how far I've come this season in general. Maybe I can pull off one more miracle. It's not looking good fksjhdjf but it's okay. Last time I accepted my fate and chose to leave over someone else. This time I'm going to try my hardest until tribal comes. Then I can finally just.....relax. This game has exhausted me probably more than any other before and idek why fdkjshfj but i feel like I have a breath sucked in and I'm holding it until I can finally let it all out fksdjh AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH yeah this is bad news I feel like Odysseus except fdsjkhfj im not gonna make it home ________________________________________________________________ can i just say tho lmao that like...Ali is sweet and I love him and all but I don't think he understands the uselessness of the lies he tells fksdjhdfjk like???? why tell me last round that you wanna go to the end with me? why tell me that this whole time? Nobody else told me they'd take me to the end because all of them were....not going to straight up lie lmao. Like I still worked with all those people and they didn't promise me anything? idk it sucks but like fksjdh he doesn't have my vote because he hasn't done anything in this game to make me respect him. I think that's where he falls short and it's where he's going to fall short again. maybe he'll prove me wrong (idk about that) but for as much as Ali does do in this game, the amount of stuff he does and says that is literally pointless is excruciating to me oh my god ________________________________________________________________HNNNNNGH I POPPED OFF ON ALI A LITTLE I FEEL REALLY BAD BUT LIKE FSDKDJH I TOLD HIM THE TRUTH :'(

Ahhh I'm voting Owen I hate my life why can't we have nice things?? Uggh I told him directly that I was voting for him bc like...I don't need to be fake at this point?? But God it feels awful sdfjsdlkf. Can someone just like...knock me out? I'm ready for the afterlife. Let's go girls. 

Honestly though? At least my mom is proud of me. And now she won't have to give me an intervention fksjdhfkjds.

Owen becomes the 16th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 4-1 vote, and the 8th member of our jury. You can see Owen’s preseason interview here. 

I thought I played better this time, but I'm so excited to lose at FTC again :( or not even make it this time

Hi I feel awful for that absolute highway robbery i committed last night. So sorry Owen I love u buddy. ALSO WHY DID OWEN HAVE TO TELL ALI I'LL MAKE AN EXCELLENT TWO TIME WINNER!!!! DON'T TELL HIM THAT I NEED TO GET TO F3!!! Ok so here's what i'm doing to make everyone forget i'm a threat to win and also that i'm bad at talking: 1) I told everyone Owen said he wasn't voting for me at the end. Everyone left in this game REALLY respects Owen and thinks he's a genius, so if people think he isn't on jury advocating for me, then maybe Ali will stick to the me him and Zach F3. 2) I REALLY have to talk up (reasonably) how bad I am at speaking. But i need to be believable. So instead of being like "I suck at public speaking" because lets be honest ur New Jersey debate Champion from 2011 and 2012 is not going to realistically be able to sell that i'm bad at speaking, I am instead talking about how bad of a memory I have, how i've never done a live ftc... etc. Honestly what it comes down to in these last few days is that i need to win immunity and also continue to mitigate the reputation i've built up for myself. 

Ahhh, I'm starting to feel cautiously optimistic about my game? Like I fixed my mistakes and am ready to beat these fakes! Not really, I love the rest of the F4. I'm very worried about being the final juror, but if I can escape that.... I think I have a good shot. If I do come fourth though, I join  the iconic fourth placers club with Amumda, JayBee and Owen. Like legends only! Or I guess legends plus me

Half of my ROP write up is "I wanted to work with you but you were all snakes so I didn't trust you" and the other half is "I wanted to work with you but then you got booted but hey I didn't vote for you!!!" We love a flop finalist

guess who just bumbled his way into FTCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC

It's the final four. The gloves are coming off, ladies. And unfortunately, Ali just won immunity. Honestly, I wasn't going to be that upset if he won final immunity. Like this entire round and for even the past few rounds I was planning out the final tribal to include Ali, Kevin and myself. My entire plan relied on me winning final immunity and then kind of directing the vote into whichever way I wanted, whether I decided to cut Kevin, Ali, or Dana. However, that is not the current plan. I'm so bothered. I think, for me to be in the finale, Kevin has to go. Sure, that's fine, he's extremely likeable and quirky and has yet to piss ANYONE off game wise, but like... seriously? I would be find and probably content with voting out Dana but there's this little demon that I am kind of annoyed with right now?? Ali! I want to like... state beforehand that this is purely because i'm devastated and emotional and by no means am I a) personally attacking you, nor b) genuinely meaning this. But, fuck you?! Maybe?! Before F5 pressure cooker, you're all up in my PMs being like "Zach I would DIE for us to be in final tribal together." - this was even at like... final 6/7. Then Owen is voted out, and just hours before final immunity you go to my messages again and recite: [2018-01-24, 5:37:23 PM] ali: I'm so scared of being the final juror we are so close to the finish line I wanna just cross that line so badly dndkdkdk Which, maybe indirectly, is perceived as guilt tripping; or where you want to emphasize that you're just that desperate to achieve your goal of making final tribal. That's fine, i'm not mad. But don't immediately turn on me the MINUTE you win immunity. Like, maybe you aren't. Maybe Kevin will leave 3-1 tomorrow. Only time will tell. But if that is the case, you're really just aggravating. That's truthfully annoying if you are not even going to take into consideration what I say, dismiss any plea I beg of you, and just eliminate me. Anyway, it's the game, i'm not mad at you on a personal level cause you know how much I adore you and love you, but by any means if i'm on jury, you probably will have heard me being passive aggressive in my speech to you; or just a complete bitch which i'm apologetic for. If I wasn't either of those? Whew, I calmed down easily. Speaking of that topic, i'll explain my pitch since I tend to ramble and not give any insightful information. I've already written my plea, but I tend on saying that i'm the least threatening of the two options to vote in any regard. If the jury's bitter, Kevin will likely consume some votes. If the jury votes on game, i'll play up that Dana is the mastermind, which shouldn't be HARD. The only logical - well, not logical, but reason - reason that he would vote me is because i've yet to receive any votes? Iconic whew. But like... yeah. Kevin hasn't pissed anyone off. I've pissed off multiple people (Emily, Cameron, Ashvika, Owen, and Duncan). Sure, not all of them are probably actually mad, but I need to kind of play that up for sure. Dana is outspoken and a great debater. Why would you want someone who literally debates as a f***ing hobby and can persuade multiple straight men into being her showmance to come to FTC over me, an individual who not only is more reserved and shy, but also lost Bahamas because... they used a Shakespeare metaphor (bye I still regret that) and didn't explain their game well whatsoever. It's literally... stupid. Do I think I played a good game? Yes. I very much think that I should win if I was voting. I'm bias though. Dana played a good game too. Ali has as well! He's been part of votes! Kevin is likeable and has survived multiple votes. We ALL have stories, but I do think mines the strongest, but I don't see how it's logical to take someone like Dana to FTC. She could like... punch and break someone's nose and then still convince them that they should vote for her at FTC as it was probably their fault. It's ridiculous how good she is. Props to her, though. I love all these people greatly. I'm going to also encourage that he stays true to the deal we made. If he wants to flip on Dana, so be it. Bye bye!! Just not me, please. Like, weirdly, i'll be fairly disappointed if he goes back on our deal, and by doing so, I think he's going to lose jury vote. Not out of bitterness, but rather... dumbness. Unless he can precisely identify why the vote was smarter to be on me opposed to Dana or Kevin, he'll surely lose my vote. That's how I play. If someone takes me out under effective manners, they get my vote. If someone does so but it's irrational and not explained well, they lose my vote. That's reasonable and moral, right? Hope so! So right now, i'll be analyzing jury votes. I'm probably going to be completely off and get 0 votes but i'm just going to go off what I would think. This is in the given scenario that the final three are Dana, Ali, and myself. ~ Without further ado, let's introduce the phenomenal jurors: ~ Charlotte - Likely to vote anyone. I think I have the least chance since I was only on OG Vireao but i'm hoping she just listens to speeches? Duncan - I think will vote Ali, or Dana. Not me. Dana and him talked so much, and Ali's a genuine soul and I think that's where Duncan will vote. Will - Dana 100%. If I cut Dana, I think i'd receive his vote but that's unlikely at this rate. Ruthie - I think will vote me? I would hope at least. I think she's rooting for Dana and myself, and based on interactions, i've connected with her more. Emily - Emily will vote for Ali or myself. If she's like... doing more on friendship, I think Ali. If it's game wise entirely, I would hope me? God. Cameron - Ali. 100%. Has told Dana, and I guess that implicates me at this rate since clearly Dana was more loyal than myself, that we would not get his vote. Hypocritical, oop, but it's fine. Love him. Ashvika - I think would vote me. Her and I connected a lot during her final few days. Owen - Owen would be a toss up between Dana and myself. I think he was closer with Dana, but I think he saw more of my strategical thought. I want him to vote ME of course but I think Dana? Kevin - I think Kevin will vote Ali. I would hope me, also, but I doubt so. Maybe Dana even. So with that being said, it seems: DANA - Owen, Will, Charlotte ALI - Kevin, Cameron, Duncan ZACH - Ashvika, Emily, Ruthie This is what i'm hoping at best at this rate LMAO. I'm not winning. Maybe Owen or Charlotte would vote me? But that's unlikely. The only vote I think I would receive 100% is hopefully Ashvika. I don't see anyone not getting ANY votes unless miserably flopping at FTC, which I probably will do so... wig. But like, if I lose at this rate whether that's 2nd/3rd or even 4th, i'm content. The fact that I was asked back for All Stars was shocking... I did NOT expect to be recruited. That being said, i'm very much grateful of course. Despite the fact that I don't play like my average, typical self which involves taking control and orchestrating more votes directly upfront, I played this game UTR and planting seeds, which was fun but I don't think my game is recognizable. Still, I have accomplished more than what I set out for. I reached 100 days played (to be more precise, it'll be 113/114 I think - i'm bad at math, who knows), I made jury and I beat my worst placement so far! Like, not being cocky, but the fact that i've played Athena three times and have gotten 2nd/5th/2nd-4th is incredible. I'm proud of myself, and to yalls, the hosts, I hope I wasn't too much of a hassle to host and I hope I made some entertainment. This will most likely be my last confessional regardless of the outcome. Maybe if I survive, i'll make a final one, but this may be it. Thank y'alls once again for a great season <3 I got to meet many great people and build such great bonds with people that I want to continue once outside the game :] ________________________________________________________________ Ali disregard those... mean parts. I love you i'm sorry i'm stressed I was going off 1 hour of SLEEP. i'm sorry sweetie ;c

I better make it to FTC... Owen didn't die for this!!! Ok so Zach and I are voting out Kevin, hopefully 100%- which means worst case scenario, I go to fire-making with Kevin. I don't like that I have to rely on Ali to make this decision- when straight up at this point in the game he is better off going to FTC with both Zach and I than voting one of us off at this point. From my perspective, I think Ali wins this game if he can divide the vote up enough at FTC to gain a majority- his best chance at doing that is to take Zach and I to FTC. This is my pitch to him On 1/25/18, at 11:27 AM, Dana Barry wrote: > Fair point, like I understand that i’m threatening- i can’t deny that, but i think you also have to put that in context and ask if I am threatening when you go up against me with this jury. I mean from my perspective, it’s hard to see that considering I’ve had 2 jurors outright tell me they won’t vote for me, I didn’t speak to Emily or Ashvika during the game- so they’ll vote you or Zach. More importantly, jurors that have said they won’t vote for any of us (Cameron) will vote for Kevin if given the option. So maybe Kevin isn’t as blatantly “threatening” as me, but he is the most likeable option and good friends/ allies with Ashvika/ Duncan. That is three jury votes he gets right there. More importantly, I think you have to look at the jury votes i “have on lock,” which tbh is only Will. You can vote me out tonight, but if the votes that are “going to me” don’t switch to vote you as the winner, then there isn’t really a point. That’s why I thought you and I were a fair F2, because it’s unlikely that the people who will vote for me at the end would vote for you even if i’m cut before FTC. I guess my final thing is that having both Zach and I on jury means 1) that you likely take a vote away from the other one of us. 2) we divide people who would want to vote for us on a friend level like Ruthie and Charlotte.

So apparently Ali's debating between me and Dana for who to vote. And honestly I'm surprised?? I asked Ali why I'm a threat and he said that I'm likeable (can't disagree) and that I have a "huge" underdog story in this game... Perhaps! It's an idea. I just...I guess someone from the outside perspective would have a better idea but I just? Don't see it? And even if I am a threat, I think Dana's a mega threat compared to me. Like, I'm here on the earth and she's a meteor ready to destroy me at any moment. She's EXTREMELY persuasive, she admitted it herself on the Pressure Cooker challenge and she flaunted her talent a bit when she talked to me about why to vote Owen. And I can't say a comprehensible string of three words on live call without interjecting ten "ums" "likes" in between. I'm not giving answers at final tribal, you're just gonna get disgusting sobbing. More importantly I won't be changing anyone's mind! 

Dana becomes the 17th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 3-1 vote, and the fnal member of our jury. You can see Dana’s preseason interview here.

I lived bitch I'm gonna ask my dog tomorrow if I'll win this game. If she says no I'm pulling a Tonya Harding on this final 3. 

So.... its the day after the winner reveal and I don't really know how to feel. I wanna start with the negative stuff, I can't shake the feeling of being disappointed in myself for this season. I know I played really well, and the best I've ever played (and probably ever will). Like I was apart of so many blindsides, took out soo many big threats. The problem I'm having though is I can't shake the feeling that my personality is why I lost? Like just listening to the jurors, it seemed a lot of them recognised the game I played, but it was my.... flaws as a person that cost me. So that makes me sad. I feel like I had a lot of personal growth this season. I tried to put myself first, and tried to not worry about upsetting people (I did a great job of that hjsdfka). So it upsets me that despite all my personal growth, what cost me... was myself. And that kinda sucks. Like just as much as I grew, I'm still stuck with these flaws in me as a person. With that said, I want to try and think positively about this season, like I was so happy with my game going into FTC and I don't want to lose that feeling. I am also so happy for Zach, he is fun and a great person so I'm really happy to see him finally win Athena! we love a king Its a miracle I even got 2nd, after FTC, I was sure the entire jury hated me and the fact I got 2 votes is wild, even though I feel the other 6 voters would've voted for the other person they didn't vote for over me. With that said, Im so honoured to get Emily and Cameron's jury votes. Emily is one of the best players I know, and such a good friend. I also know she really values FTC, so its such an honour to get her vote. Cameron.... I mean we aggressively stan. I know this game kind of put a bit of strain on our friendship, so for him to be able to put that aside and vote for me is such an honour. I am so proud of Cameron and the game he played this season, so for him to cap it off with voting for me is.... whew it made me so happy. I don't know what I want to do with ORGs going forwards. I know I so desperately want to win (I've come 2nd literally three times in only four games, and it gets worse everytime I get so close). That's the other thing, I've literally come 2nd three times and everytime I feel like I play better, so to kind of stagnate is... whew. But I promised I was gonna start with negativity and end on positivity so that's, that on that. I am really thankful I got to play with so many of my friends this season. I did this a couple of times this season, and I did it in RoP but the fact I could list the entire cast and have so many compliments for all of them is really exciting. Being able to play with Owen again, who is such a pleasure is always fun. Even though I will likely never play again, I want to one day kind of earn his respect, both as a player and as a person. He is probably the best player I've played with, and he is also the only emathia person to make jury either time to never vote for me, so I hope one day I can earn his respect in that sense. I want to kind of cap this off with a thanks to the mums. They are the reason why I can call Emily, Cameron, Owen, JD, Duncan and so many, many others my friend. I want to thank Amanda for being Amumda, someone looking out for everyone and just being a great person. I want to thank Cami, for having so much fire and love for her friends, and always wanting the best for them. I want to think Abbey for just.... being so amazing. Abbey has so much love and support for her friends, and I feel like I can always count on Abbey. The one, the only JayBee gets her own paragraph. I am so blessed to know Jay, and she has the most impact in me being in this community, since she literally scouted me for emathia. I am so thankful to know Jay, and to be able to call her literally my best friend. I have so much love for Jay, and I know she will support me forever, and for that I'm soooo grateful. I have not had..... some good experiences in my past, but the fact I can always confide in Jay and know I'll receive total support is really really.... just great. I kind of owe my whole wild ride in the community to Jay and I'm just so thankful. With that, I kind of end my ORG experience, definitely at least as a player. I'm hopefully going to host again in the future, after some time OFF to relax, but till then, thank you all, players, viewers, hosts, anyone involved in this season for watching me make a mess for 39 days. Thank You to Athena and everyone involved!

After a grueling Final Tribal Council, Zach is crowned the winner of Athena All Stars, with Ali and Kevin tying for second place in a 4-2-2 vote. 

You can see Zach’s preseason interview here. You can see Ali’s preseason interview here. You can see Kevin’s preseason interview here.

okay so i asked ali what happened with the vote and then he started talking about why he sucks at the game and i had 2 give him advice and i didn't want to be rude and be like "hey not to intervene on your sadness but let's elaborate on why y'all flipped :)))" i asked owen, king of betrayals, and he basically said emily was a threat (shocking) and thought she had an idol (mayhaps but who knows) and that she was too good at challenges (true) and that he didn't know how close i was to her. and now he's like haha im sorry but at least the idols gone! and i'm like that's cool!!! chill as hell yknow anyways ashvika was like basically saying we need to be a duo bc zach and dana are a duo and ali and owen are one and cameron's there too chilling. i like ashvika but she will never fill the jay-shaped hole in my heart after motunui. but i'm open for allies and ashvika and i have a lot of common interests, such as voting incorrectly and being blindsided. lots of things for us to talk about. anyways here's to me starting an immunity streak this round that's something i could really use xx

OH MY GOD. EMILY IS GONE. I'M CRYING. WE LITERALLY DID THAT. JAY IF YOU THROW IN A JURY BUYBACK... I WILL WALK.

Ok literally idk what to do at this point in the game so like im going to probably run some scenarios below if I don't stop breathing before i get there.  RE: Tonight.. Yiko! things worked out?  GET SHOOK! Not exactly how I wanted because Ali bailed on voting Ashvika... but also I'm Ali literally voting in the majority again like we are SICK of it. He's always maximizing his options and its like no bb ur only option is me im iconic. Like do something else predictable please. This is why he need to go tbh. Also like voting in the majority in itself isnt a reason you're going to win the game imo if there were better ways to accomplish your goals? Idk im being a bitch i love and appreciate that bean with my whole heart, you're doing amazing sweetie. I feel like i'm getting more powerful at every vote. You take my number 1 but I take ur crown ladies!!! After tonight's tribal i'm getting increasingly worried that I haven't played a game that deserves a win. I think i'm just like insecure about it because I don't usually play like this, but idk no need to be emo because im a bad bitch. Ok yeah im tired this game is literally hijacking my brain and eating her as a snack. So I think about what I want tomorrow. idk might vote zach out wig bye bye 

just realized if i hadn't won the challenge emily would still be here...why must everything i do taint this world

I know I'm submitting this way late but I wanted to do this when I was voted out so here goes nothing! Here are a bunch of vines that remind me of all of you. I’m sorry. Some of these were harder than others and some of you I don't know very well AT ALL but I tried my hardest. Some of you have more than one for a number of reasons including I couldn’t choose between them, I didn’t think your first one did you enough justice, or like other reasons I don’t know. I stayed up until four AM working on this so I hope it’s cute.

ALI: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E66DCwncqyQ, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHpf9ZzQHfs ASHVIKA: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaNGKD4MTV0 AUTUMN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xP2e3pPFyQo CAMERON: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgbGiExvqi8, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsasZkQfskw CHARLOTTE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R5J7znTWijg, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0YBP1ve5rw DANA: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1L2ml0yf9E, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFhqORL1cJs DUNCAN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIBjw8d9c8Q EMILY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTLSQOZTnaY, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xHrxgFNnN8 JACK: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UwVVZPzo8iM, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lE-_B85xKN8 JD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MnVz9D4Z-70, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4F2Qv5Ddcw JULIA: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkNMZlkrzaU KAREN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bmc83cynhqk KEVIN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPkRE-nBf8Y, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtSPQIK15uc LILY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUUwomMczeE MADISON: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GS6NKwbabZw OWEN: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMm4SABOmHg, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sO0B_Urec4 RUTHIE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KoKPT_cnyXs SAM: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bECRkGP6E4w WILL: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcYgS0ziHyg, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eywp61pXUm4 ZACHARY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7CNB_5DexQ, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eSSE-dd2yY

My goal for this round is confusing. I think Cameron is the ideal target, which yes, i'm fine with, but then again I need Owen out soon and i think Cameron will vote out Owen. Is this round Owen's time? I'm not sure because... hypothetically, we'd need 5 votes since Owen has the vote thing. Or even 4-4, so in the revote he goes 3-2. Owen is my biggest threat. Dana and Cameron are up there. At F4 i'd either cut Ashvika based on likability and cuteness or Ali for being in the majority, despite that not being a positive factor. It's just complex cause it's like... how do I get the votes to do anything. I think i've been fairly social with everyone and it's hard to do anything. I think everyone kind of feels similar about Owen and even Cameron's threat status. Cameron also bugs me SLIGHTLY! I love him to death, I think he's great. But I hate how he's so cocky and like, 'i'm going to win if I make F3'. It's like, maybe you are, but why rub that in people's faces or just... go on about it. It not only makes me like ugh wow but it's arrogant and that takes away from me wanting to vote for you. I don't want to vote Owen out I love him too much but he's going to win like he's the main "All Star" brand person left in the game and clearly has played the best game and it's like... ugh do we HAVE to rob him? I guess?? I played this game differently. I didn't try to take physical control. I played rather from BTS and would just plant seeds. Like I don't want to take all credit for things, but I think that I was the first person to get Duncan's name going, and I got the target to be Emily over Ashvika. I helped push for JD to go and Autumn even, who were bad for my game. The only thing is those moves are going to be so blurred that others will think they orchestrated it and the last thing I wanna do is step on someone's toes and say I stole their "move" wig.

i guess i'm good with owen? i hope im good? at least i pretended i wasn't mad when i wasn't talking. to him but idk how much of my passive aggressiveness seeped through in that conversation. BUT i've come back from the minority twice in this game so hopefully i can pull it off a third time. but hopefully it does NOT take two rounds bc it might be too late by then. well immunity results are like soon so!!! we shall see

fkhasjdf I wanted to win this one so bad bc I feel like it's my time. Zach, Dana, Cameron, Kevin gonna kick my ass out of here and take control....god. I was initially thinking this round that I need Cameron to go. The three of them need to be split up before final six and all that :) BUT....the more I think about it, looking long term, I need Cameron in this game as a shield to me at final five. As long as Cameron doesnt win the final five immunity, that would be the PERFECT time for him to go. Otherwise....i think no matter what if I'm not immune, I leave at five (unless I get voted out sooner). I don't know that Ali would vote me out, but any combination of Zach/Dana/Kevin/Ashvika/Cameron? probably would get rid of me at that spot, especially now that I lied to both kevin and ashvika...ugh. This is why I wanted ali to vote dana last round and make it seem like he was still with kev and ashvika. idk why I let it happen where he didnt but oh well that is what I get for makin ali my number one hehe. I love him so much though wowowowowow okay. So I wanted Cameron first, then realized I'd rather Cameron go fifth, so now I wanted to focus on breaking Dana and Zach up... Which like, damn it. Dana and Zach are my favs in this game rn and we worked together on that last vote, but if any of dana/zach/cameron are at the end with me and ali, I think I definitely lose? idk. because they'd get guaranteed three votes - cameron, ruthie, and the other of dana/zach. However, I think if I'm there with ashvika instead..then ashvika might get those same votes, tbh. so now I'm not sure, maybe it would be better to get to the end with zach or something????? I don't know if there's any way I'll get Will's vote, so like fkdajshf ugh idk this is hard. I'm starting to doubt there's a way I'll win. Basically, Dana leaving would've been best for me this round, but I didn't want to have to get over my personal feelings and do it, and now she's IMMUNE anyways so that isn't an option....at all. So now idk what to do? I think I need to revert back to survival mode because at this point I might have equal chance against Kevin, Ashvika, and Zach? Cameron and Dana need to go at some point but I'm worried about voting Cameron out now. But if it's what is going to get me to final six, I'll do it.  I also wouldn't mind Kevin leaving except for then like...next round I would have to let the vote be Cameron and I don't think zach and dana would do that at six? and if they DID do it at six, then they could pull in ashvika at five and fuck me up. so this is going to basically be....awful. Maybe I need Cameron out now and then somehow hopefully MAYBE I could get Dana out at six. But then Kevin, Ashvika, and Zach come together at five UGH FKSJDHJ WHY IS THIS SO HARD. What I legit need to do is get....um.... ugh. Kevin out now, Dana out at six, Cameron out at five, and final four would be me zach ali ashvika. That's the smartest move for me. But I don't see how to get Dana out next round unless I use Cameron to do it? and I'd have to be putting complete faith in Ashvika again. And she prob wont do the same to me. Ughhhhhh idk what to do but I need to save myself somehow ________________________________________________________________ this is literally so hard rn im gonna scream ________________________________________________________________ I need to get to the end with kevin and ali now fml ________________________________________________________________ So first I thought Ashvika would be best with me and Ali, but the more I think about it, the more I think she'd get Will, Duncan, and Charlotte guaranteed. So now I'm working on trying to see how to get it to be Kevin? If Kevin is with me then I would hopefully earn Duncan and maybe Ashvika's vote. I think Dana and Zach would vote for me. And that way even if I don't have Will, Ruthie, Charlotte, and Kevin, if their votes are even a little split I could maybe win 4-3-2??? or idk fsdkhf ugh I think I could maybe get Cameron too and have 5??? fskdh fuck. I don't think I can sit with Cameron. Dana, definitely not.... And Ashvika worries me. So between Zach and Kevin, I think Kevin might be my best shot rn. But how do I get there???? If I can get Ashvika out at seven, then I can convince Kevin his only shot is with me and Ali because if he goes with zach/dana/cameron that whole "side" (ruthie will etc) will vote each other. But I don't know how to get Zach to want to do Ashvika this round either....and also that would hurt bc I love her and ALSO im in hos with her fdaskjhkfjhadsjkfhjsdkhfk frick okay so! if I can pull that off though, and then somehow get dana out at six, then cameron at five, then zach at four???????? maybe????? i think me kevin zach ali is the best f4 for me, I just need to find a way there. If I CAN'T get ashvika this round and it IS cameron this round, then it gets way trickier because I wouldnt want like....zach/kevin/ashvika/dana, whichver three are left t f5, to get me out 3-2. but like I'd have to hope at that point that ppl wouldnt wanna turn on me at all. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHH this is hard. if cameron goes now, I think I'd need it to be dana at six still, convince zach not to flip on my ass at five and get out kevin or ashvika (or zach tbh) and then ashvika or zach whichever is left) at four. fkashf JESUS.. i hate this game but i'm so close and I have always wanted this 

At this point, I'm not feeling very confident. Yes, I did better than Emily, which is fabulous. I beat 2/4 of the winners. Cool beans. However, everyone knows I'm a threat. I don't have my idol anymore, there's a target on my back. The merge idol is out there, just waiting to be played. That idol WILL be used to vote me out. There's no way around that. If I can survive until final 5, that'd be great, because I can use my social game and charisma to persuade people to keep me. But I have to survive until that point. I have to survive Ali's idol and Ashvika/Owen/Kevin's idol. We really are letting Owen run this game. We're letting him win. But at this point, until idols are gone, I have to let him win, otherwise I won't. He's a bigger threat than me but has allies in strong places. With idols. I no longer have that. I just have me, myself, and I, trying desperately to survive the next few votes. I think this means Ashvika should go this round, unless we want to try to blindside Owen. I know he has his extra vote, but I don't see myself surviving without his help and my complete and 100% trust in him. Which is horrifying, because Owen is not a trustworthy gentleman. Do I leak? Yeah, but to my allies. Does Owen leak? Yeah, to fucking everyone. I'm scared. It's time to be scared and to be quiet and to let loose. It's time for me to win. Or else Owen is. And we just can't have that, now, can we.

My time has come. I think tonight I will be leaving. I say this every round though, but I kind of believe it this round. I think Cameron wants me out, he's been acting obviously suspicious around me. I think Dana/Owen won't vote me out this round YET at least, meaning I have to work on Ashvika and Owen's extra vote. My goal is for Cameron to leave tonight but with an objective of flushing one idol. It won't happen but... yis

okayy so we're voting cameron whew? that's the plan? hopefully owen and ali don't snake out on me?? i think it's the best option, bc otherwise those three will compose half of the f6 and i don't think there's any way me ali ashvika or owen can make it to the end in that situation, or at least fare well. plus those three have pretty much got will and ruthie's jury votes locked down. ash and owen are down, idk where ali is, most likely catching up on the days of sleep he's missed because of this game. buttt it seems like things are gonna work out? hopefully? owen seems genuinely invested in this plan, but he also seemed invested in the split vote and well. that didn't turn out as expected.

The duck walked up to the lemonade stand and he said to the man, running the stand "hey" bom bom bom "got any grapes?"

Why do we like deciding on who is going home so last minute, it’s not cute 

i called zach bowser and i dont regret it Anyways I had a little change of plans idk. I didn't know whether to want Cameron or Ashvika out, but I think (I hope) if Cameron goes first, then I have enough trust with Kevin or Ashvika to make it either Dana at six, OR if zach and dana want ashvika out at six then it'll be me ali kevin vs zach and dana at five, which is risky as hell because zach and dana can win comps...but like, there wont be any idols at five so we can just vote whichever doesnt win. final four is all im worried about but if ali really does trust me then he'd at least force a tie with me wig!!!!! so for tonight, I think it's better to split votes between cameron and ashvika. if cameron goes then that's ok bc I think dana still wants ashvika out at six. and I honestly feel a little better about having zach and dana TOGETHER at five rather than like zach logan cameron me ali..... because kevin would be dumb to let zach and dana get to four together. so unless some weird idols plit vote ugly shit happens, it should be 5 cameron, 3 ashvika tonight ________________________________________________________________ i also think im prob just getting seventh and that ali cameron zach dana are all just voting me ugh. kevin and ashvika prob are too. im gonna actually die tonight but oh well, 6-1 here I come 

Hi Julie!!!! Tonight my vote is for Cameron or Ashvika. Thanks. I'm an Owen warrior and i'm an upsetting Kevin fangirl. I'm so tired I can't explain the vote sarry. Read my pms with Kevin instead, they are my magnum opus [1/19/18, 6:25:20 PM] Dana Barry: hi bb i miss u [1/19/18, 6:25:23 PM] Dana Barry: i vote u tonight [1/19/18, 6:25:25 PM] Dana Barry: sarry [1/19/18, 6:25:35 PM] Kevin 🌹: i stan and accept this concept [1/19/18, 6:25:47 PM] Dana Barry: im kiddin idk what im doin yet heheh [1/19/18, 6:25:56 PM] Kevin 🌹: darn it [1/19/18, 6:26:36 PM] Dana Barry: how u votin king [1/19/18, 6:26:47 PM] Dana Barry: tell me ur secrets [1/19/18, 6:28:05 PM] Kevin 🌹: i ain't getting response from ppl and there's 30 minutes [1/19/18, 6:30:57 PM] Dana Barry: if we all vote u tonight will u play ur merge idol [1/19/18, 6:31:19 PM] Kevin 🌹: if someone gives me the merge idol then yes! [1/19/18, 6:32:26 PM] Dana Barry: kevin wouldnt it be a meme if i gave u the merge idol [1/19/18, 6:32:33 PM] Dana Barry: and i was just like go wild lil buddy [1/19/18, 6:32:35 PM] Kevin 🌹: it would [1/19/18, 6:32:41 PM] Kevin 🌹: it would be a #bigmove [1/19/18, 6:33:55 PM] Dana Barry: im giving her to you then!!! [1/19/18, 6:34:15 PM] Kevin 🌹: ill be waitin [1/19/18, 6:36:43 PM] Dana Barry: congrats kevin look for a message in your host chat  ;) [1/19/18, 6:36:52 PM] Dana Barry: im kidding i dont have her [1/19/18, 6:37:01 PM] Kevin 🌹: when she plays with your heart [1/19/18, 6:39:08 PM] Dana Barry: Kevin literally i want you to ruin my life [1/19/18, 6:40:44 PM] Kevin 🌹: SKDJFJFJFJ [1/19/18, 6:40:47 PM] Kevin 🌹: and yet no idol :( [1/19/18, 6:43:01 PM] Dana Barry: Kevin u can idol me out if u want [1/19/18, 6:43:16 PM] Kevin 🌹: the one time i've had an idol i got voted out with it [1/19/18, 6:43:19 PM] Kevin 🌹: i can't handle the power [1/19/18, 6:45:59 PM] Dana Barry: its the only way u get my jury vote if u idol me out tis vote [1/19/18, 6:46:39 PM] Kevin 🌹: : ((

at this point I will no longer walk if there is a jury buyback

Cameron becomes the 14th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 5-3 vote, and the 6th member of our jury. You can see Cameron’s preseason interview here.

I was right,,,,, I knew we should've voted for Cameron. I fucking KNEW!!!!! And no. We had to play it safe. We ended up with the worst option. But hm. I still have that vote negator and hope is not lost. I guess.

Ponderosa Confessional

What I love about being out of the game is that all of us can agree that Ali's a heartless snake (in a game sense, we all still love him as a person even if we're bitter) with no jury management, Emily thinks she's doing a lot better than she really is and she's gonna be the HvV Parvati of the season (aka, she doesn't win), and that Owen's just...nobody wants to vote for him lol. And even in a F3 of them, I'd still probably vote for Ali just in spite. If Ashvika can make it to the end, she's getting my vote - know that. I hate that Ruthie was next though - queen didn't deserve it!

"i knew you weren’t going home Not that it matters because we dont talk and neither of us want to pretend to like each other in this game or want to work with each other in this game but you have the best jury management for that so gjnekfm" -Cameron Hello 911 I just found myself and my wig dead in a ditch. alright im confused he's telling me i have a good social game??? wig both missing and burnt now. okay apparently he's just pissed at everyone but he's pissed at me the least. also he said dana's being genuine with her praises of me which like, i 100% agree with, and i stan dana as well so we're like, mutual stans, but i feel like i'm being set up to be murdered soon. i feel like they might try to vote me out or something on this basis but like??? honey i'm a FLOP. maybe people are just being nice. but also like??? nice people??? in survivor? i'm gonna need to see your works cited sweetie anyways i love being a legend who always gets votes!!! i think i'm at 11 now?? and the most votes i got in my previous games was 4 for each of them so like...character development! eliza orlins is shitting at this gameplay. im upset because i told these guys to pm me if they're gonna vote me and what do they do? not that. rude. :( i hope to get to at least 13 so i can get on the most votes page!!! and so i can beat cracked queen madison for most votes of the season. i need to leave an impact on this season and this series!

Jay said on call "who is ready for another post-tribal ali meltdown" and guess what's happening woo. Honestly, I'm just sad. I feel like I lose to everyone left, and I have been confessing so infrequently because I keep sleeping that its not even like I can read back on what I was thinking and validate that. Honestly, I can't believe I'm literal losing how tragique

HOSTS ASSESSMENT 

Owen: are we good now? Like we trust each other? Me, out loud: Yeah, that was the deal! Me, right now: *sharpens knife*

I'm sitting uncomfortably right now so this confessional will be shorter but I lived so wig yeah! uhm i'm not miserably shocked considering... well, Emily leaked to me the plan ahead of time and when everyone was saying "Cameron!!" i'm like goodbye Ruthie. But what I realized after talking with Dana post-vote is that everyone has someone that wants protection. like... emily (generally) wants me safe. owen wants dana safe. ali wants cameron safe. so how this works? either one gives up, which is likely between cameron/me, or they crack SLIGHTLY enough to let us like slither in and utilize those cracks to at least vote one of them out. its gonna get hard going forward since i like everyone!! idk what my chances of winning the game are though. like i'd say i'm likeable and fun, but i don't think i'm openly strategic. I think Ruthie/Will/ maybe Charlotte are on my side, but as well as Dana's meaning Dana is one person I CAN'T go to f3 with. An ideal boot list would be like... 8. Owen 7. Cameron 6. Emily 5. Dana 4. Ashvika 3. Kevin 2. Ali 1. Zach Just kiddin idk woo. I don't know how or why i'm still here like i'm more smart than people think but not as smart as others think. weird... im just having so much fun wooh. oh one thing i should clarify is that call last night when i refused to vote emily? well that was planned. I knew Ruthie was likely the vote. Cameron was goin to idol himself or no one, so I didn't want to vote Emily since that'd be so misplayed and therefore, my trust with Emily would be broken. It was slightly a gamble but like... imagine if I voted her after she told me and we both stayed. She'd HATE me and not be able to trust me. WOOH! g a m e p l a y

Ali's talking about how he's paranoid about being a flop and a goat and that he's not going to win and like me too but??? please don't flip i've enjoyed my brief stay in the majority i don't want it to change skdjd im doing my best to softly but firmly steer him away from that idea??? ________________________________________________________________ i'm on call just with dana and cameron and zach i feel like a murderer hanging out with the family of his most recent victim 

I'm a Kevin warrior. It's simple as that. Congrats to him for winning immunity, but who shall I vote now?

kevin is a king, king of comps, king of immunity, king of not getting voted out, love him 

Um I love coming in second again! I love Themyscira repeating itself! I think the thing that sucks the most is that I've come in second in tie breakers for the past three rounds and like Holy fuck idk man I hate everything

high, highkey wanted to vote out kevin this round but im glad the king won immunity I guess....

I LIVED BITCH!!! I WON MY FIRST IMMUNITY CHALLENGE EVER??? OZZY LUSTH WHO COLBY DONALD WHO TOM EASTMAN WHO? I don't know if I needed that immunity this round but I'm sure gonna hold on to it!!! I feel really bad for Emily because like winning is what she deserves.jpg bc like feminism and she's iconic too but also???? I'm safe and sound today for the first time in forever sjslfjsl. Kinda upset over not getting votes. I like attention and since I'm a #flop in Survivor being targeted is my most reliable way of validation. I don't know what the plans are for tribal. With Emily's vote negator we could potentially split the votes but with a 3-2-2 vote one person could um fuck it up? And Ali seemed shaky about where he wanted to go, like what his End Game (tm) was. I...think I managed to convince him to stay with the five? From he was saying it seemed like he wanted to flip with me if there was any flipping. But genuinely I do think staying with this five is the best of plans?? Like yes it's ~boring but it's smart imo. Or at least it's what I think is good for me. I don't think for certain this soup five is gonna be the final five. But I don't think now's the time to break things up. Of course, people who think they're on the bottom might beg to differ, but I don't think there's a pecking order in this alliance. I've...wanted Dana out for awhile, but I don't know how smoothly that will go over?? For one, I don't know how willing Ashvika will be with that plan. I don't know how close Dana is. If anyone's unsatisfied with our plan to vote, they could easily walk to the other side, spill the whole beans, and then an idol or two are played and things are flipped on us. If Dana, Zach, and Cameron have both idols then splitting the vote's imperative, cause if I were in their position I'd play it. But splitting's...catastrophically risky. With the vote negator, we COULD vote out Dana hypothetically with 4 votes, regardless of how Ashvika votes...but of course, the aftermath could be messy. I...guess tomorrow night's gonna be a messy night! 

I was gonna leave a really good confession but I just showered and now my brain is mush. Here's what's going on: Last round, Owen tried to get me to flush my idol. He was being purposefully shady and told me I had "more control over the vote" than I thought, and that playing my idol "could be a wise decision." I was about ready to do it - I told Ruthie, Dana, and Zach on call that I was playing it no matter what. Then, Ali wakes up. And he promises on his life I'm not getting votes. So I don't play my idol. It was a good choice. I didn't get a single vote. Naturally, we put our votes on Kevin, and it was 5-4, with Ruthie leaving. I'm sad she's gone, but I'm extremely grateful it wasn't Dana or Zach. I'll fill you in on this round tomorrow - We're flipping this game. I'm not being on the bottom anymore.

Ahh, 4:15am EST... the perfect time to play hardball with Ali Bee about tonight's vote!! 

Henlo I am confessing! Everything should go well tonight. Tonight is the night my vote negator gets to shine! I’m going to play it on Cameron this round. And even if Cameron plays an idol, either Dana/Zach will go home because Soup intends to split the votes 3-2. 3 on Cameron, 2 on Dana/Zach. I would very much prefer Dana. But. I don’t know what the others want. But Owen and Ali are going to be the 2s. And hopefully Cameron’s bluff of “not having an idol” will actually be true and he goes home anyway. I can also explain to Zach, if I want, that I didn’t know they were splitting the votes and stuff. I mean that’d be a big ass lie but yeah. Anyways, this is a great move to have on my resume and I think I have the right to take credit for it because of my vote negator lol. It’s the best!!! WOOOO!! Thank you LILY!!!!!! I love Lily I’m so glad she gave me this thing I’m so happy. I miss her but I think she’d be proud of the moves I’m making! Wooooo!!!

literally... goodbye emily. you're not staying tonight. hasta la bye bye

I think I just helped orchestrate a 4-3-1 or 3-3-2 vote to blindside Emily, and potentially Ashvika. Like I think the 3 took the majority this vote but i'm probably going home. And as I said to Dana and Cameron on call- Dana and I are like two bacteria infecting this game with our weirdness and upsetting capabilities. 

EVERYTHING THAT CAN GO WRONG, WILL GO WRONG SOMEONE'S GETTING BLINDSIDED I JUST DON'T KNOW WHO

ugh ok so scrap the 3-2-1-1 idea because thats ay too risky for me rn, all it would take is dana and zach voting for me and I'm gone. so instead I want it to be 3-2-2, three for cameron, two for emily two for ashvika. cameron thinks its 3-3-2 rn but when the vote negator gets played then all hell will break loose lmaooooo but oh well :) hopefully emily or cameron go tonight and then I can do damage control with ashvika. this is going to work in my favor....pls god let it work in my favor

Okay, so I've done a terrible job of confessing this round... basically: Emily is going home tonight, which is a mess. As it stands, Cameron Voters: Kevin, Ashvika and Emily Emily Voters: Dana and Zach, since Cameron's vote is getting negated Ashvika Voters: Owen and I I'm devastated to see Emily go, even though I'm apart of the plan. She is a queen and I love her, soooo much. I just think Owen, Cameron and her need to go so its what needs to happen :( Cameron is playing his idol tonight which is good news, but I also am worried. The problem is the way we are executing this is going to cause issues, in that its gonna end up going 2-2 and I'm just gonna scream, I hate. I just don't know what to do in any capacity and I'm right in the middle so I'm ready for death wooooooooo! i love burning another jury vote in my march to lose at F3! :)

I'm going home even though I'm playing an idol rip

3-3-2 except cameron idols 3, emily cancels one of the 3 meaning it ties 2-2 between emily/ashvika and in the revote emily goes :( Owen leaked that Emily has a vote negator. I really flipped on Emily she gonna be shocked. She wants Dana gone. But like in the end she's going to win and she thinks she has me wrapped around her finger :( But Cameron/Owen need to go soon. I want to go to F3 with Ali and Kevin I think.

I'm taking a risk tonight and I think Emily will be going home but if I'm the one who gets the boot tonight at least I went out swinging. this is what all stars is supposed to be about and I'm proud of how I played so far. I hope the risks pay off

THERE'S ANOTHER IDOL I'M GOING HOME I CAN'T GET MEDEVACED OUT I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING AHHHHH IM GOING HOME just kidding i'm probably fine but

y'all thought 5-4 was a close vote but this time we're splitting 3-2-2 we love a cracked season. ideally cameron's going home, if not then it's dana. i might cry if dana goes home bc she said if i didn't vote her she'd make me 11 pieces of art (one piece for every vote i've gotten) and honesty that's more important to winning to me. so i'm praying that the demons don't come out tonight and an idol doesn't force us to vote out the queen herself. everyone seems cool, i'm always worried about things going wrong but when aren't i, i think ali's on board, i think everyone's on board, but we'll find out the truth after this commercial break also since i won immunity i'm gonna beat my last best placement which was 8th whew!!!

Sigh. I hope things go all right tonight. I just have a feeling that like... someone is lying to me. Cameron messaged me and was asking me if we could work together and I didn't handle it well. I just want his idol gone tbh. Then I'll work with him. Ugh. I'm just so worried. I haven't been able to... talk to a lot of people today? It makes me feel like something bad is going to happen? I don't know! Is Owen going to screw me over? Maybe Ali? Will my vote negator be wasted? I don't KNOW Y'ALL!!!

I might vote Emily and chicken out of the revote! I'm not sure eeeeeeeek

Hi ladies it's like 20ish mins until my final tribal council. I'm STRESSED AF. Ok so here is the plan that of ofc won't happen because i played myself: Ali and Owen are supposed to vote for Ashvika, while the other side thinks they are both voting for me. They probably are idk. Me Zach and Cameron are voting for Emily. Emily Kevin and Ashvika are voting for Cameron to force his idol play. My only question is: how many advantages are going to send me home tonight? I hope it's at least two or I'll be sad. All i'm saying is don't send me or my meme sister home tonight because we get upsetting without each other. He cry when he get lonely. Also I love Owen a lot and idk when he promises me i'm not going home i just believe him because he's smart. Does Kevin like being a meme? I just dunno. OK TRIBAL STARTING WOOOO GN YALL I HAD AN AMAZING TIME 

i love not knowing how I'm voting at tribal itself wooooo

nice things just can't last forever huh

My last words confessional!! Woohoo!! Okay so I definitely wasn't like... expecting to be voted out tonight, but I had some suspicions. Ali and Owen stopped talking to me a lot and... Zach didn't message me at all. Dana too? But Dana never messages me. Anyways, I had so much fun! This season was really great and I'm so honored to be considered an All Star and honestly I'm so happy to FINALLY get an even number placement (inlove) I think the only thing that makes me sad is that I was SO close to individual immunity ): but I don't feel resentment to anyone in the game at the moment, in fact, even though I know Ali and Owen turned on me, I still intend to vote for one of them in the end. Or Zach or Cameron. I think all of them have played great games! I'm excited. I think I'm going to write a little something about each player so here we go:

Ali: The light of my life! Such a great friend and ally. I'm proud of him for making it so far in the game. He's not the most confident person, especially in a game sense, but he knows what he's doing. I'm proud of him. I hope he uses that idol at the right time. But I also don't think Ali has a chance at like... winning? He'd have to have a damn good FTC and I think he's not the best impromptu speaker.

Ashvika: She's so pretty and TBH I've been wanting to work with her just because I think she's really pretty. I think she has an idol? I don't know. She's a queen tho. If I can't be Emily Diaz Twine then maybe she can be Ashvika Diaz Twine.

Cameron: We butt heads so much in games but I love him to death. I think he's played a great game too. I don't know how he's going to get to the end tbh but go him if he does. I don't really have much to say because tbh karma got its kiss for me. I screw over Cameron, Cameron screws me over back.

Dana: Photoshopping queen! I love her and I would love to work with her in a future game but I just think we didn't click this game. I really like her and she's so sweet and funny! I had a great time with her this game woo

Kevin: Okay king of memory... I guess. He's such a sweet kid!! I'm glad we got to like meet each other. I just wish he um... didn't beat me at memory. If he gets to FTC I'm making his final tribal council question a memory challenge like THAT'S THAT ON THAT

Owen: That's my winner America! I want Owen to win so bad. He really deserves it. Even tho he like flip flopped a lot like... he did what he had to do and I think every decision he's made has made sense! He's adaptable and he's smart and I'm proud of him. He's also someone I consider a friend so yay. I really hope he makes it far. He really is an All Star.

Zach: Zach is the person in this game that I am most happy to have met. I love him so much and I think we formed such a genuine friendship. I'm so so so happy to have met him!!! He's like the sweetest ever. I could go on and on about Zach because he's just such a sweet person and I hope we can work together long term in a game in the future (sun)

Okay so to sum this up: All Stars was a wild ride but I'm so thankful for the opportunity and the new friends. I wasn't the most proud of my gameplay this season but I definitely am proud of some elements. Every game I play, I learn from my mistakes, and I learn how to improve next time. This game wasn't a win, but I'm definitely going to go up from here!! I'm so thankful to have been with this cast. I love the Athena series!! Woohoo!!