One night, Batman goes out on patrol with an oncoming cold. He, of course, thinks nothing of it, but when he uncovers the latest threat against Gotham’s electrical grid is a plot concocted by the Joker, he had to act quickly.
Joker, seeing the Batman go into a coughing fit upon the slightest provocation, begins to genuinely worry about his nemesis. So, what else to do than baby him and call the doctor!
Joker [on the phone]: pickupickupickupickupic-ANSWER THE PHONE ALREADY
Scarecrow: Why did you fill my voice message box with slurping, moaning, and chewing sounds?
J: And a well-to-do to you, too, Stu. Did you get my text?
S: This is a burner phone. Just opened today. How did you even get this number?
J: Did. You. Get. My. Text?
S [with a dry sigh]: I’m not going there if I’m not going to get to kill him.
J: You would do that? In my house? In front of my chicken soup?
S: …
J: I’ve saved you a bowl, you know. Made fresh! Straight from the chicken’s teat!
S: Not interested.
J: You are going to bear witness to my gracious hospitality, do you hear me!? I have the most important man in the world in front of me, in desperate need—
S [gray rocking him]: I’m not entertaining your plans tonight. I cannot afford to leave my work for your ro—
J: —of an ankle breaking just like in Misery and you decide to blow a toxic fart of disdain and disinterest in my face—!
S: —leplay. …What?
J: That’s right; you heard me! Here I have the Batman lovingly tucked into bed, setting you up to recreate one of the most iconic scenes of in-home care and you spit in my face with your disinterest. Let me ask you this, Doctor: In your esteemed opinion, what would Kathy Bates do? Hmm?
S [in quiet consideration]: Give me a half hour.
J [cheerily]: Fifteen minutes. You don’t want your soup to get cold!
