#northclues

I am so upset that that shit is putting hate in my heart. I don't want to have these feelings, I don't wanna have the negativity, I wanna stop looking over my shoulder and watching my back I'm so sad. How do you get hate out of your heart?

I don’t like to be touched I hate when people hug me or touch my hair or touch my things or tap my shoulder. It stresses me out. Annoys me. Even when I go to sleep with my mom or brother I scoot away. I don’t like to be touched. But when I lay with Jeffrey I need his hands on my body, I love the way he touches. He’s so gentle. He’s so beautiful. I love how his thigh fits between mine, how he puts his arm around me, how he Eskimo kisses. He likes Eskimo kissing. I love the mocking way he calls me friend. He does things that show that he still cares. He still cares. I know it

We made up. Of course I couldn’t stay mad with him. The group camped out in Pasadena for the rose parade, it was 45 degrees, we were all freezing. I got a chance to lay with him, we talked about a lot of things, we had intimate chats and insignificant ones, we talked about our Xs and our life and we laid and cuddled with each other. Mockingly calling each other friend. He showed me a lot of himself last night. I found out he has so many insecurities, which makes no sense. He’s so beautiful and handsome and I honestly stare at him because i love his face, I love seeing him. He actually said he thinks his Cracker Jack isn’t satisfying. He says he’s ugly and when I tried to say otherwise, he got embarrassed. We were curled up close, thighs sandwhiching, my arm was his pillow, he fell asleep for a minute and I just watched his beautiful face. He thought I fell asleep but I was wide awake. We mumbled at each other, he pressed his lips against my nose gently, twice, and he put his face right against mine several times. He was careful not to make it too obvious. But he was right there against me. He kept feeling for skin. He tickled my tummy a bit then my lower back, and I loved it. He pulled me close to him. When he pulls me close to him I feel like I can’t breathe anymore. I wanna cry. I love being in his arms. My head feels relieved, we had legs intertwined. My thighs against his crotch. He started rubbing his nose against mine. Eskimo kiss he says. I giggle and we talk about why they’re called Eskimo kisses, and he kisses and kisses like the Eskimos. I love his Eskimo kisses. His nose isn’t cold but I’m sure mine is. Then he looked at me and he goes “shhhh” and he puts a finger to my lips. Then he pushes his lips against mine gently and I’m a bit shocked. He presses his soft lips against mine, and I lick his lips and suck on them. I fucking love his taste. And his kisses. He tells me that I have to promise to not tell anyone, I don’t understand why but I promise him to not kiss and tell. Then he kisses me hard, holds my face to his own. Gentle yet firm. I love his kisses, I get bold and I grab him. And I hold it and try playing with it, and then I unbutton him and pull it out, his gummy bear was pressing against his jeans. I love playing with it. I love pulling on it. I love the way he said my name when I had him in my hands.