#normchow

Shamus here. A word to the wise seems in order... Don’t park in the fee lot of the Sidestreet Inn unless you plan to visit your car often—the tow trucks will steal your ride as soon as you’re inside, no matter how much time you pay for. Shamus got lucky and caught the shysters as they hitched up the old Nissan. It’s not often you win one against two grifters with a license to steal your wheels.

I wish I had their names. I’d let ‘em taste the lash in print. Oh, I’d make them pay. I'd put their kids names in the paper, their dead sainted mother's too.

Why? Because scorched-earth personal destruction of personages in the public eye is a Hawaii thing. It’s our cockfight fix. Give us Sen. Donna Kim in the ring with M.R.C. Greenwood and watch those razors shine. We’ll take that over actual insight and investigation anytime.

M.R.C. didn’t do anything wrong, except not get back to Kim fast enough about her lil’ boy’s non-existent application to UH law school. Still she got sliced and diced while Team Patron allowed the Wonder Blunder culprit, now-former athletic director Jim Donovan, to put the squeeze on for a couple hundred very large ones and a new office in which to do nothing.

But then Donovan had roots here. Which is what makes the Chow Ultimatum pop off the pages of the local paper. (That’s Norm Chow, our UH football coach, in case you’ve been following some other minor story, like gay marriage.)

The last public whipping avant-M.R.C. was of Evan Dobelle, the UH Prez who resembled a door-to-door insurance salesman and never met an expense account he couldn’t cook. There were plenty of reasons to say to hell with Dobelle. He had less of an academic pedigree than our outdoor cat, the noble Stripes; he was a nebbish with a weak underbite; in short, he was such a dumb choice you had to wonder if somebody on the Regents or the Legislature forgot to put on her reading glasses and thought the last name was Dudoit or Duvaschelle.

Or maybe they thought it was Dobash, the glutton’s choice of chocolate cake at Zippy’s.

Now it’s Norm’s turn. It’s Chow Time, the pun on everyone’s lips. The UH football coach has been in the batter’s circle for a few weeks. Now he’s up and the Star-Advertiser is throwing heat. No joke—these are beanballs we’ve been reading for the last 48 hours. When a hometown paper takes aim at the local football hero, first Asian-American head coach, etc., it’s news.

It’s even bigger news when it feels as if the writers have intentionally misconstrued his remarks, especially since they were in the room when he made them.

But hey, I wasn’t in the room—the press room after the 49-10 Utah State loss, that is. But it sure sounds like Norm really was joshing around with his ol’ bud on the local Utah paper, saying he was “too old for this game.” Heck, I’ve heard 12-year-olds say it. I’ve said it. (Every year.)

So what’s up with this? Does it matter? Should we care when Kaka’ako sewers are suddenly discovered to be an erupting volcano of merde only after the city has lazily signed off on a plan to put up 29 towers and add 20,000 porcelain thrones above el caldera de caca. That’s a heck of a new stadium for something, come to think of it.

Backstory? Norm Chow never really had a honeymoon upon arriving at UH, never warmed up local hearts the way a local-boy-makes-good was supposed to. The word I heard from some passionate fans on the street—including a clutch of women, the kind who wear UH jerseys to the KCC Farmer’s Market—was surprisingly reserved. “I hear he’s abrasive,” said one to me a couple of years ago. It was like hearing somebody’s Mom admit their bouncing baby boy was a playground biter.

Monday’s column by Dave Reardon on Chow’s public musings was brutal. It was also a watershed moment. The lead columnists have held their fire and played good soldier for much of the season, but they’re not the types to wager their reputations on playing dumb. (Especially after they waited too long on June Jones, but then, going 12-0 in the regular season makes up for a multitude of sins in football.) They got the green light. Maybe they even got a nudge and a wink: Time to take down Chow.

Is it a coincidence that this is happening when Navy is the next opponent? The coach of Navy is a former Radford High and UH player, who also was an assistant at UH. He’s a stellar character and a beloved leader of men, as they say. He’s still a young man, as Tower of Power sang. And he’s Samoan. So how come he’s not head coach of UH?

Instead we have a coach who says he’s too old for the game, that he could take it as a young man but not now, not anymore. A coach who isn’t asking his boys to win one for the Gipper, but for the Griper. And we have a newspaper suddenly baying for his blood.

Chow down? Ain’t gonna happen. But it’s getting ugly.

PS This week’s prediction is Go Navy. They pushed Notre Dame to the limit last week, gaining nearly 400 yards, most of it on the ground. Even if the WaneBow passing game is on fire, it’s hard to score when the other team won’t give up the ball. With a depleted defense the odds grow longer. It won’t matter whether the team leadership gets their mojo back. Navy has leadership and discipline and a system that suits its recruiting limitations. You wonder if coach Ken Niumatalolo was offered the job at UH and if so, ever had a chance with our Las Vegas-loving Regents and Leg. They were probably scared of a straight arrow; next Saturday the Rainbow Warriors will know that feeling and take the arrow in the neck. The reality of an 0-8 record makes 0-9 a formality.