#normalsunday

Dear you,

I remember having a really good time on tumbler...I still remember reading somewhere that most people stop posting or even logging back into there tumbler in around 175 days or somewhere around that i dont know  it might just have been a stupid buzzfeed article or something...I used to be very into buzzfeed back in the summer before i entered highschool I thought I had just discovered something no one else had ever seen how stupid was that I probably was on facebook back when it was such a big thing i didnt get a facebook until i was 13 which at the time felt like i was so old most of my friends had one already and me being poor had to go to the library to even be able to access mine it was fun i made alot of memories with my brother but still the shame was still there... but now that i think about it i really did appreciate those hot summer days at the library with my brother it was so dang hot and we had to walk four blocks to get there (im not the best at calculating distance so this might be wrong all i remember it that it was a long ass walk) once day we started riding our bikes there i dont remember how long we did that for but walking was always our go to ether way I should talk about today because thats what a diary is supposed to be right ? Today was the long yet so fast I keep on having this feeling of not doing enough i work at one of those small kiosks at the mall tow actually one sells toys that other sells jewelry im ok with saying thais because at our mall alone there are like 4 of this exact combination anyways im in charge today and no matter what i did it wasn't enough its never enough i didnt have any mental breakdowns or anything like that it was when i got home that the issues started i live with my boyfriend from now on im going to call him pikachu becasue thats the first thing i see rn, I got home earlier than usual so i started to rest wait i forgot something i always call my bf when im walking to my car this i tell him its cuz i dont want to get kidnapped i have a plan that if someone ever tries to hurt me ill just discribe what i see to my bf to at least help investigators when they find me if they do but the truth is that i just like to talk to him it calms me down after a long day like a cigarette i guess... thats when the problems started he didn't answer my call  more like calls because i have no self conrol he did call me back but it wasnt the same he seemed distracted with our roommates so i hung up after a lackluster goodbye driving home i started to feel it i was almost home when the road felt funny and i knew i needed to get home quick when i got home is when it sank it was like all the feels  a human could have where trapped within bubbles and when i would walk i would pop one or tow and then all of them attcked me and i could not stop feeling i layed down and watched some tiktok but then my bf came into the room and he seemed off to so his vibe is what i ended up having it was a mixture of remorse,sadness,and confusion he was high so he might have just been having a bad trip so we didnt bouce back from one another too well we decided to clean up our room a bit... i really needed to get this done all the chaos in our room just made things worse but insted of making things better it made me realize its all a mess nothing is organized and no matter how long i spend fixing it it will never be perfect but i still wanted perfection so i kept going i really apprecaited his help i know he was missing his football so it ment alot to me eventally i was drained and i needed some alont time which i was able to communicate effectivly i layed down contplting what i wanted to do but ended up only thinking and watching tik tok again rather then doing anything at all when he eventally came to be we had a nice talk i felt my slef spiraling again after he said “ ...i love that you try so hard... “ it was supposed to be an complemtnt but it made me realize i do try so hard and never achive anything at all he helped me breath the spiral out and not think we said our good nghts shortly after that and i was able to have my first successful night routine (washing and cleaning my face and braiding my hair ) in a long time i came up with this idea while doing that i hope this doesnt backfire or at least that it works i jsut want anyting to work 

Sincerely

Sadsally