#noregretsallowed

Until a relationship with you is physically possible, I'm not going to pursue you. I'm not going to say silly things like What are you doing, Can we skype, or I miss you, because somehow I think it would just make you sad. Am I considering what you want? I can only hope so, judging from the indications that I think you've been giving me. Is this what it feels like to care for another person? I don't know but I have to say, having emotions really sucks right now.

Every time I go to sleep I imagine you're holding me really close to you, like before. Every time I wake up I look for your sleepy smiles. When I have a quiet moment, I think about the random things you said in our conversations. The looks you gave me when you thought I wasn't looking. Your bemused expressions. Your gentleness. Your selflessness. Everything stupid little thing about you...

Omg. I am truly, madly obsessed.

Now how do I stop myself from thinking about you?

I looked up how long it takes for someone to get over someone, and I came across this: "Anybody who has had any meaning in my life is never forgotten."

So I guess the answer is... I can't?

Unfortunately, I think I know why. You made such a difference in the short time we had that it left a mark. There are memories that I don't really want to forget because they were such blissful moments that it would be such a shame to forget. 

I guess the whole point is that I'm just not ready to call it quits just yet. I only wonder if you've already decided the opposite. I wish I could ask you, but I already told myself that I wouldn't ask you silly things. 

What's funny is that I don't really regret it. I don't know if it would have led to anything substantial, but I do know that I still need to work on myself first. I am barely starting to understand how to care for others in ways that don't benefit or even relate to me.