#nonbinary narratives

YAAAAAAA NB L$BEANZ WATS UPPPPP

The narratives surrounding transgender and nonbinary individuals are narrow, usually leaving out nonbinary genders altogether, and often parsed for cisgender individuals instead of for us. This column is dedicated to providing more, to raising the bar, each article devoted to a different nonbinary person getting the chance to answer some questions and talk a little about their gender and gender in general. To expand on the stories we have, on the ideas of what being trans and nonbinary looks like. You can see our past articles here.

This week we bring you some questions answered by-

Hi, I’m Butt! (Seriously, you can call me that.  I don’t really have a name right now.)  I’m an artist, writer, musician, etc who loves video games (mostly Dragon Age) and Star Wars :)  

How do you define your gender? I identify as agender.  For many years now, I’ve struggled to find where I fit on the gender spectrum.  I used to identify as genderqueer, then as male.  Now, I think agender is what I am.  While I don’t have a gender and prefer they/them pronouns, I am also okay with more male-aligned terms. What does your gender mean to you? For me, it’s the whole confusing journey.  I’ve always been questioning my gender and I never felt I fit into the ‘male’ or 'female’ boxes, so finally finding something I’m comfortable with is great.  It means I went through all those years of feeling lost and confused and came out with an answer.  It might change again in a few years as I change, but that’s okay.  Gender fluctuates, and that’s something I’ve spent a long time to understand. 

How and when did you realize you were nonbinary, what was that journey like? I remember about 5 years ago I came across the term 'genderqueer’ and was so surprised there was actually a word for how I felt my whole life.  After that, there was a lot of research, finding terms and communities and everything like that.  And then it was a matter of self-exploration.  Trying things on.  For a while, an identity would fit but then, as time went on and I changed as a person, it wouldn’t anymore.   What did you wish people knew more about your gender? That it exists!  That singular they/them pronouns are a thing and that there’s more than just 'girl/boy’.  It would be nice to talk about my bae without having to also explain gender at the same time.  It would be nice to not be scared of outing myself and having close-minded people disrespect me.   What advice would you give to people questioning their gender? Don’t be afraid!  Take your time!  It’s not a rush to find where you fall on the spectrum.  And it’s okay to change how you identify, too.  And whatever makes you comfortable is great.  Your gender is for you and you only to define.  You can still be agender and not use neutral pronouns!  That’s okay!  You can still be male and enjoy traditionally feminine things!  You can be female and enjoy traditionally masculine things!  You can be nonbinary and present as feminine or masculine or androgyne as you want!  How you present yourself has nothing to do with your gender identity and everything to do with personal taste.  Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

hey hey hey its Joan wats up

love god love girls love swords I dare you to beet me at arm restling

If Lavinia tells u I cant reed she's a fckn lyre and a nerd

TAKEN TOO SOON SATURDAY LETS GOOOO

What's up what's up - Joan here, reporting for duty for taken too soon Saturday for podcast girls week!!

Couple things:

Shout out to everyone out there who gets that @podcastgirlsweek can feature someone like me, who both is... and is not a "girl." It's the she/they they/she of it all - there are so many of you nonbinary/trans queerdos on this platform and you nerds LOVE nuance so let's goooooo girlhood can be so many thiiiings lit ok cool

Also, we kinda interpreted "taken too soon" in our own way. We interpreted it as like... taken too soon from LIFE lol rip 🪦Which I guess is kind of part of the whole partheneia thing or whatever. BUT STILL! BURNT UP AT 18! WHAT THE HELL MAN!

Anyway. Love girls, love god, love pants... didn't love getting murdered by the church/state at 18 but what can you do. Now I've got the coolest de@d girl gang a boi could ask for, I'm a lucky freaking guy.

And if you haven't listened to @parthenospodcast there must be something wrong with you so DONT BE A FREAK MISOGYNIST QUEUE IT UP I'm charming as hell come listen to me talk and stuff 😏

Oh ok bye my bestie Lavinia is taking the phone from me...

The narratives surrounding transgender and nonbinary individuals are narrow–usually leaving out nonbinary genders altogether, and are often parsed for cisgender individuals instead of for us. This column is dedicated to providing more and to raising the bar, with each article devoted to a different nonbinary person who gets the chance to answer some questions and talk a little about their gender and gender in general. Also, to expand on the stories we have, and on the ideas of what being trans and/or nonbinary looks like. You can see our past articles here.

This week we bring you some questions answered by Molly! They are 20 years old, a science nerd, and have a very adorable cat.

How do you define your gender? My gender can most easily be described as nonbinary. I haven’t had much of a chance to delve deeper into my thoughts and feelings on other possible labels, but I am very comfortable with where I’m at now!

What does your gender mean to you? Right now in my life, my gender is beginning to take more and more of a primary role. When I first realized that I was nonbinary and not cis, I started to use they/them pronouns alongside she/her. At the time, I was still pretty uncomfortable with myself because I had no idea who I was and no idea how to navigate the world of gender, so I was fine with whichever pronouns people used for me.

However, doing so also opened a door to an entirely new piece of myself that I hadn’t even met yet–a piece that I found comfort in. Using they/them and she/her at the same time made me realize that I am infinitely more comfortable being referred to as they/them, and that I would like to ditch she/her and feminine language altogether.

How and when did you realize you were nonbinary; what was that journey like? I realized that I was nonbinary when I first found a word for what I was feeling (so about a year ago) ((even though I had felt it all my life)), but I brushed it to the side and sort of said to myself, “I’ll deal with this another day.” Eventually, however, it was beginning to take a much larger toll on my emotional/mental health than I had anticipated, and I came to the conclusion that my gender would not allow itself to be hidden anymore, and that I had to tackle it head-on.

Being a few months into the realization and my transition, I look back often and wish that I hadn’t let it boil up inside me. It would have been a much smoother ride if I took it in as it came up. Even though I let it boil up, I truly believe that I got lucky with how smooth my realization/transition was compared to how rocky it could have been. (Hint hint: if it’s safe and you feel as though you can handle it, start exploring your gender as soon as you feel the need!)

What did you wish people knew more about about your gender? My main wish is just that everyone knew (and accepted the fact) that gender is a spectrum, not just one box for female and another for male. I think the world would be a much more creative place if people were able to express themselves wholly and freely without the fear of being mocked or erased or worse because of it.

What advice would you give to people questioning their gender? Like I said before, if it’s safe, start exploring your gender as soon as you feel it (whether if something doesn’t feel right, or if you feel like you’ve found a word/label that encompasses you as a whole, or even if you’ve clung to the cis label for your whole life that you’re now comfortable with it, but feel as though there’s a piece of you that wants to see if you’re not.) Gender exploration is not just for people who will immediately realize that they are nonbinary/trans. It takes time and a lot of discomfort and a lot, A LOT, of thinking and rethinking. Take as long as you need to. Take it in strides. And reach out to as many people as is necessary.

The narratives surrounding transgender and nonbinary individuals are narrow, usually leaving out nonbinary genders altogether, and often parsed for cisgender individuals instead of for us. This column is dedicated to providing more, to raising the bar, each article devoted to a different nonbinary person getting the chance to answer some questions and talk a little about their gender and gender in general. To expand on the stories we have, on the ideas of what being trans and nonbinary looks like. You can see our past articles here.

This week we bring you some questions answered by Ariel/Maya! “Hello website, i’ve been feeling very dissociated so i thought sharing could help or at least be productive in someway to someone. Id like to start pointing out english is my second language so, little vocabulary but also more simple words to understand my argument on such a complex theme. Im latinx, my family is extremely christian, Isolation is how i survived school and other social panicky situations, Im very small and have the babiest face on world, just some stuff to have in mind. “

How do you define your gender? I tend to say Im a demi boy which would mean my gender identity is very similar to the “masculine” side altho it doesn't apply perfectly to male spectrum, as in having some tints of other stuff such as “femenine, agender, androgine, etc” Honestly I think gender is just as it refers to “an identity” and just like personality there is no such thing as two people with matching genders, gender to me is a personal experience that is constructed by your own history, and every single moment and memory, every word you’ve heard and said has brought you to this moment in which your gender is “x” and yes, it can change with time and life experiences, just like sexuality it can be fluid and it doesn't mean you have “identity issues” because if you spend time questioning it then you’re conscious about it’s state, variations are not something you guide but something you discover by exploring yourself. At least that’s something i found out about myself. 

Also I realized I always have some tendencies to match the “male” spectrum but also have some “x” gender pinches, which ill define as the intimate, personal bits of one’s gender, I usually experience mine as androgyne idealizations that have no influence from the social construct of “genders and poles”. To be more specific I usually tell my friends I’m just a “very gay boy in a womens body”. 
What does your gender mean to you?

It’s the way I experience life, in first person, so just like in books, if the main character is treated as a “him” (i use mostly he/him pronouns) welp, the obvious thing would be for the rest of the characters in the history to treat him as a “him” right? also it’s an expression of my inner self. I live my life in a very artistic way and clothes are a very important part of it, but it saddens me to spend time trying to capture my identity on clothes that people will typecast as femenine therefor- she’s a female just because the world hasn’t showed them other ways to see.

How and when did you realize you were nonbinary, what was that journey like?

It started when I realized I wasn’t straight. I found myself having thoughts on girls in a very different way I thought on boys, to be more graphic: one has that inner voice we hear when we think of something, as if our thoughts were text  and our heads had a canon-storyteller which is the voice we are used to; Well my storyteller changed whenever I saw an atractive girl passing by. This may sound so sliche and disgustingly cis-sided but it’s prettymuch how I noticed. Time later I started posting some fics stories on internet but I wanted them to be anonymous so I used a fake name and well… I thought “why not pretend I’m a boy?!” and then people would give me comments and reviews as if I really were a guy and I remember so well… so so well.. the first comments I read (spanish is a very gendered languaje, every adjetive has the gender termination clarified such as “cute= lindO- lindA”) had all the “O’s” instead of “A’s” and it made me so comfy, so happy, like suddenly my low selfsteem took a break and would let me resieve directly all the good adjetives people were giving me, it didn’t happen when people used female pronouns but with male ones i could feel it, does it make sence?  and well it just went on from that point. 
What did you wish people knew more about your gender? LONG HAIR, MAKEUP, BEING WORRIED ABOUT YOUR IMAGE, USING NECKLACES/RINGS/WIGS ARE NOT FEMALE THINGS TO DO, NOTHING IN THIS WORLD EXCEPT FOR CONDOMS MAYBE?? HAS A DEFINITE GENDER IM SORRY BUT THAT’S AS STUPID AS GENDERED HAM OR CHOCOLATE. (u see, a lot of therapists argue i take too much take of myself to be seen as “he” so it’s too difficult for them to unsee the women in me (literal from the last therapy season i went) 
What advice would you give to people questioning their gender? Explore by yourself firstly, if you have nonbinary friends do not compare to them, everyone has a different rythm, a different path and different experience, not everyone has disforia, not everyone cries when being missgendered not everyone wants to go through surgery and even !!!! there may not be a nonbinary clasification created for you yet!! there are more nonbinarisms than flux, demi, etc go ahead experiment! dont be scared to be judged or be called a poser, fuck them all is your identity after all.

The narratives surrounding transgender and nonbinary individuals are narrow, usually leaving out nonbinary genders altogether, and often parsed for cisgender individuals instead of for us. This column is dedicated to providing more, to raising the bar, each article devoted to a different nonbinary person getting the chance to answer some questions and talk a little about their gender and gender in general. To expand on the stories we have, on the ideas of what being trans and nonbinary looks like. You can see our past articles here.

This week we bring you some questions answered by Robin!

“Hi! I’m Robin, I’m an 18 year old non-binary person. I’m a theatre person, working before I go back to school. I’m partially out, but not at work or with certain family members. I’m working on that :p”

How do you define your gender? I define my gender as non-binary or queer. I don’t have a specific gender and it fluxes constantly according to appearance, inner thoughts, mental and outer health. 
What does your gender mean to you? My gender is a sort of power I have for myself. I can be who I want when I want, not dependent on others to tell me. If I want to be a boy for a day I can, if I want to be nothing I can too. It’s a sort of hidden power for me over myself. It’s not something others get to decide for me and it gives me a sense of pride. Obviously there are days where I wish for a different body, and different clothes, ect ect but who doesn’t have those days? How and when did you realize you were nonbinary, what was that journey like? My journey into realizing I was nonbianry was an ok one. Mostly because for the longest time I didn’t know being nb was real and a thing that I could be. I knew what trans was, and that if I really wanted to I could be the “opposite” gender and that it would be hard but I could. But that definitely wasn’t right for me. I tried so hard to be a boy constantly, and it was hard. I cut all my hair off (which was a choice at the time that I don’t regret necessarily) and wore a binder everyday and bought men’s clothes and trained myself to use a lower voice. This lasted for a while. I went by they/them pronouns in public and he/him in private. I went through several names (Nikki/Nick, Chris, Alex, ect) before I settled on Robin. Soon after I found my name, I found out that nonbianry was a thing. While I had already been going with they/them pronouns, I thought that those were like a trial run for switching over to the new set of pronouns. I didn’t quite realize you could be just they/them. I found other pronouns xi/xer, zi/zer ect. Though I don’t use those, it made it easier to understand that I could be just not gendered. Which was awesome. Overall, my journey was a relatively easy one. I cried a lot, and got confused about everything, but it wasn’t terrible for me.  


What did you wish people knew more about your gender?

A thing I wish people knew more about gender is that literally ANYONE could be nb or third gender or queer or anything. Whether or not we present as femme or masc or something inbetween or out of this world, we’re still not part of the black and white binary. Don’t make fun of nb and other gendered people. Don’t shout to the heavens that someone is supporting all genders and how ridiculous that is, you’re creating an unsafe place for closeted and outed people, and people who are struggling to find themselves.


What advice would you give to people questioning their gender?

Advice: don’t be afraid to assert yourself. Make people call you by the right name. Don’t be afraid to call people out. It’s your name and your gender, others don’t get to fuck with that!!!

The narratives surrounding transgender and nonbinary individuals are narrow, usually leaving out nonbinary genders altogether, and often parsed for cisgender individuals instead of for us. This column is dedicated to providing more, to raising the bar, each article devoted to a different nonbinary person getting the chance to answer some questions and talk a little about their gender and gender in general. To expand on the stories we have, on the ideas of what being trans and nonbinary looks like. You can see our past articles here.

This week we bring you some questions answered by Alex: Alex is a white, 36-year-old nonbinary AMAB human who lives in the United States.  Alex prefers they/them pronouns but is not offended by she or he pronouns, although they do not like to be referred to as “woman”, “man”, “female”, or “male”.  They run RateTea, and also have a YouTube channel.  When not working online, they might be swing dancing, or engaging in ecological restoration through the cultivation of native plants.

How do you define your gender?

There are a lot of labels that can accurately define my gender, including genderqueer, nonbinary, and genderfluid. I identify as mostly, but not fully agender, slightly genderfluid between feeling mildly more female and mildly more male. I think my female and male identity are due primarily to socialization; deep down I feel agender or genderless. Because this is complicated, I usually just tell people I’m nonbinary.  I also identify as trans (transgender), and more specifically, transfeminine.

I use different labels though in different contexts.  Because people sometimes assume that trans means transsexual, and I am not transsexual in the sense of wanting to change the sex characteristics of my body, I am cautious about using the term “trans” to refer to myself outside of circles where I trust it will be understood correctly.  And although I identify as genderqueer, I am also cautious about using this label in mainstream society because of its association with sexuality.  I am sometimes perceived by strangers as a gay male, and the label “queer” is sometimes associated with being gay, so I’m cautious of using this because it’s important to communicate that any feminine self-expression people notice about me is a reflection of my gender identity and not my sexuality.  I am primarily attracted to women, and although I do somewhat identify with lesbians, I’m cautious of being perceived as “gay” because it’s doubly inaccurate for people to perceive me as a male who is attracted to men.

Usually “nonbinary” is the safest label for me to use and the one I use most broadly.