#nonbinary dean

“Questioning things, Dean-o?” Gabriel wiggled his eyebrows. Dean scowled. “We met someone on a case, they said they were ‘non-binary’. I… what does that mean?” Dean sighed. 

“Ah. I see. Well Dean, you’ve heard of boy and girl, right?” He asked. Dean nodded. “Non-binary is another gender. Means neither a guy nor a girl.” Gabriel shrugged. That made Dean’s head spin. Of course the first thought was if they weren’t a boy or a girl, what did they have under the belt? Dean must’ve been thinking loudly, because Gabriel rolled his eyes with a resounding ‘ugh’. “No, dumbass. Sex is what’s in the pants. Gender is a lot more diverse. You’ve heard of trans, right?” Dean nodded. “So you know some people feel as though their gender doesn’t match their body? Though they were born, say, female, they feel as though they’re a male?” Dean nodded once more. “Well some people don’t feel like they are females, though they’re in a female body. But they don’t necessarily feel male either. It happens to people born in a male body too. These people can identify as non-binary. Somewhere in between female and male.” Gabriel provided. “Does that make sense?” Dean thought about it, and the more he thought about it, the more it did make sense. 

“Huh.” Was his only response, before stealing a marshmallow and heading off. 

~|~

The burden of knowledge was a heavy one. Everything that once seemed so simple was suddenly a whirlwind of confusion. Dean had never thought about it before because he never needed to. He knew he wasn’t a girl, so he had to be a boy. It was simple. Until it wasn’t. 

The hard part was Dean had no idea how to tell. He couldn’t talk to Gabriel, Gabriel would figure it out in a heartbeat. So the internet was Dean’s only solace. (And if he took an online quiz or two, who could really blame him?) 

~|~

It was morning time. The covers were rumbled but miraculously still over them, and Dean was laying with his head on Castiel’s chest. They were both awake, just savouring the still of the morning. Dean was deep in thought, he’d been up late last night pondering his dilemma. 

“Dean.” Castiel rumbled, his voice still rough from sleep. Not that he had to, but it was nice. Dean seemed to like sleeping next to Castiel without the discomfort of being watched the whole time. “What’s on your mind?” He asked. Dean stopped; Cas had noticed. Dean sighed softly. Of course Cas noticed, Castiel knew Dean inside and out, it would actually be more confusing if Cas didn’t notice. 

“...how do you know if you’re non-binary?” Dean asked resignedly. No point in trying to hide something from your angelic boyfriend that can slip into your thoughts at any moment, (though he mostly didn’t, for privacy’s sake). 

“That’s something only you can decide, Dean.” Castiel told him softly. “Are you uncomfortable as a male?” 

“Well… no. Not really.” Dean sighed. “This is how I’ve always been, this is how I’m supposed to be… right?”

“No. You’re supposed to be happy. What made you ask if you’re comfortable being male?” 

“I dunno… what if it’s just because I’m used to it? I mean… I do like more feminine things…” Dean trailed off, blushing. Castiel smirked, his hand trailing down Dean’s bare torso and pushing down the waistband of Dean’s sweats to reveal a splash of pink. “Hey quit that!” He scolded. “I just… I dunno.” He sighed. “I don’t wanna be confusing and pick a new name or anything…” 

“You don’t have to. You don’t even have to switch pronouns if that’s what you’re worried about. It’s just about making you comfortable and happy with who you are.” Castiel assured, kissing his hair. Dean nodded slowly. 

“Okay…” And they left it there. 

~|~

“Castiel?” Dean murmured, pulling his boyfriend aside. They had gone to the store to pick up some eggs, beer, and skittles on Gabriel’s request. 

“Yes my love?” Cas responded, his blue eyes wandering Dean’s face, full of concern. 

“I think I’m non-binary.” Dean told him quietly. Cas offered a warm smile. 

“Alright. What pronouns do you prefer?” He asked. 

“We can stick to ‘he’… or ‘they’ works too, I guess…” Dean mumbled, blushing as he looked down. Castiel just smiled warmly, lifting Dean’s chin so the hunter would look at him. 

“I’m so proud of you.” Cas assured him, gently kissing his lips. “And I love you so much.” The way Dean’s eyes shone in that moment made Cas’s heart soar. 

“Thanks Cas…” he smiled. Castiel always had a way of making Dean’s insides turn to mush with his gentle loving nature. 

~|~

Dean lost a bet. In his defence, he didn’t believe ANYONE could fit thirty marshmallows in their mouth, so why would Gabriel be different? Gabriel had his ways though. So there Dean was, letting Gabriel plaster his face with makeup and paint his rugged hunter nails. 

“Ta da!” Gabriel sang, turning Dean to face the mirror. It was a good look, sunset eyeshadow, a nice winged eyeliner, soft pink lips and teal nail polish. “You can take it off after half an hour.” Gabriel added, patting Dean’s head. 

“I might not.” Dean shrugged. Gabriel blinked. 

“...huh? Mr. Manly Man, next Captain America, wants to wear makeup?” Gabriel gawked in a teasing fashion. 

“I like it.” Dean shrugged. 

“It is some of my better work…” Gabriel admitted. “But I thought ‘guys don’t wear makeup’?” He laughed, elbowing Dean playfully. 

“Damn good thing I’m non-binary then.” Dean hummed. Gabriel stared at him for a moment, trying to decide if Dean was joking, before he shrugged, hugging Dean. 

“Guess so. I’m proud of you, bucko.” He added the second part much softer. “Pronouns?”

“He/him or they/them. I don’t really care.” Dean smiled. Gabriel nodded. 

“So… can I do your makeup more often…?” The archangel asked quietly. Dean laughed, nodding, and Gabriel nearly leapt for joy. 

~|~

Telling Sam was the hardest part. Dean was so in his own head about it, it wasn’t like Sam was close minded in the least, but Dean has himself convinced. Sam liked Dean the way he was, Dean had told himself. Sam liked his brother. Sam needed him to be this specific figure; a role model. 

Castiel and Gabriel assured him many times over that Sam loved him and it wouldn’t change anything, but just on the small possibility it would… Dean was terrified of telling him. 

“A role model doesn’t mean John’s perfect soldier.” Castiel murmured softly, kissing Dean’s hair. Dean glanced up from where he was staring at Sam over a mug of coffee, contemplating telling him, and Castiel gave him a small smile. Those words hit him like a pound of bricks. Sam didn’t look up to his gender, Sam looked up to what was inside. So why was Dean…

“Sam!” He called, getting up and approaching his brother. “We need to talk.” He sighed. Sam frowned. 

“Is something wrong…?” He asked. 

“No, no, I just… I wanted to tell you something.” Dean fidgeted with the cuff of his flannel, the nerves slapping him again. It was too late to turn back now though, now that Sam’s attention was focused on him. Sam gave a nod for him to continue, and Dean sucked in a slow breath. “I’m non-binary.” He informed, his voice quieting a bit. His stomach dropped as Sam eyed him slowly. Then Sam smiled. 

“Okay.” Sam responded. “Are you… changing your name?” He asked. Dean shook his head. 

“Dean is fine.” He assured. 

“And your pronouns…?”

“I still mostly use he/him, but they/them works too.” Dean mumbled. Sam nodded, getting up and hugging Dean tightly. Dean was slightly taken aback, relief swamping through him. He hugged Sam back, a tiny smile pulling his lips as he caught Cas’s eye over Sam’s shoulder. 

“Dean, I love you.” Sam murmured. A gentle reminder, that was exactly what Dean needed to hear. He managed to choke words through his tears of joy and relief:

“Thank you Sammy.”

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