#nonbinary buck

to me, as well. i almost made myself cry with this. enjoy <3

you get: a cookie, and 280 words of

🌈 • nonbinary buck (glitter & crimson, pt. 2)

Tommy’s hand starts petting through the curls again.

“Evan, I don’t care about any of that. Just because you like to put on makeup sometimes, doesn't make you any less of a man," He assures, coming to all the wrong conclusions.

It feels like a knife directly through the heart.

Buck winces and suddenly feels very, very small.

“Hey,” Tommy says, sounding concerned now, “talk to me, baby.”

Buck takes a deep breath. Exhales. Thinks, you have to be brave now. 

Confesses, barely above a whisper, “I‘m not.”

The silence that follows feels like it lasts for hours, and it makes Buck die a thousand deaths.

And then, finally, “Oh.” Another second of silence. “That’s okay, too.”

It’s all that Buck needs to come back to life, hope blossoming, and there is no way of stopping the sob wrenching itself free.

“Hey, Evan, baby,” Tommy urges, pushing himself — and by extension, Buck — up into a sitting position, taking Buck’s face in his big, strong, hands. “Look at me.”

Buck complies through the tears that have started to form.

“I love you. I want you to be happy. Nothing could ever change that, okay?” And he sounds so sincere, like these are fundamental truths of the universe for him.

The dam breaks. The tears spill over and Buck starts crying in earnest, with no way to stop; not when Tommy tries to brush the tears away, not when he pulls Buck in, one hand cradling Buck’s neck safely into the crook of his neck.

“It’s alright, it’s okay, you can let it all out,” he soothes, rubbing his hand up and down Buck’s spine, “I’m here now. You can let go.”

[pt. 1 on ao3]

[this is now finished and on ao3!!]

[more nonbinary buck]

i don't mind at all. If this feels a bit clunky, it's because i was avoiding using any pronouns for Buck, so i sort of just used the name a lot. hope you enjoy anyway!

you get: a cookie, and 327 words of

🌈 • nonbinary buck (glitter & crimson, pt. 2)

The thing is: Buck doesn't think Tommy is going to react badly.

Tommy has had his own journey of self-discovery and self-actualisation, and Buck thinks he'll probably understand. Even if he doesn't, he'll probably at least try to hear Buck out. 

And they do have to talk about it, either way. They'll have to discuss what it means for them, for their relationship. Tommy is gay, he likes men, and Buck… isn't. A man. Not a woman, either, but definitely not entirely a man. Maybe something in between. Buck hasn't gotten to a conclusive answer yet.

But: Just because Tommy probably won't react badly, doesn't mean Buck isn't scared of it. Coming out as bi was one thing (and even that was nerve-wracking enough), but this feels more… substantial, somehow. Like it goes way deeper than sexuality. The fundamentality of it all is terrifying.

And so Buck keeps putting it off. Keeps waiting for the perfect moment, when all the stars align and nothing could possibly be distracting or go wrong. When the mood is exactly right, and neither of them has had a bad day or anything to get to. 

The moment never comes.

Instead, what happens is this:

Tommy comes home earlier than expected one day.

He shoots Buck a text to say he's on his way, apparently having moved something in his plan around, and it sends Buck scrambling; up the stairs to change, then back down again to wipe all of the make-up off. Something inside Buck is protesting, but Buck isn't ready. Not yet. It's too soon. Buck needs to figure out all of the answers first.

When Tommy's car pulls up outside, Buck thinks everything looks inconspicuous enough. Sure, there's a sinking feeling in Buck's stomach and blood rushing much faster than necessary, but that can just be blamed on having a weird day, on having woken up feeling restless. 

Buck heaves in a deep breath and hopes for the best.

[pt. 1 on ao3]

[this is now finished and on ao3!!]

[more nonbinary buck]

gen rating: general audiences words: 2094 summary: Sometimes, when he knows he has some time for himself, he allows himself to take out the box, and lets himself get lost in it. It's almost like a ritual, something he celebrates and relishes in, something that makes him feel like he's floating. Buck, and a box, and the realization that being who you are is worth it.

Please!

🩷

this one is... difficult to write. i mean, it's absolutely worth it, but i am writing this with the anxiety levels of someonne being hunted for sport. enjoy!

you get: a cookie, and 292 words of

🌈 • nonbinary buck (glitter & crimson, pt. 2)

There’s a crash upstairs, a quiet “ah shit”, and for some reason Buck knows exactly what just happened, is running up the stairs before Tommy can even properly react. It’s not the most inconspicuous reaction, but Buck is operating purely on panic.

The box seems to have fallen out from the place in the closet where it was haphazardly shoved into only minutes prior. Tommy is putting all the contents back inside, treating it with all of the care in the world, before raising his eyes, ignoring the way that Buck must look like a deer caught in headlights.

“Sorry,” he says, and his voice is low and gentle, “it fell before I could catch it. I hope nothing’s broken.”

Buck wants to say something, anything, but settles for a shrug instead, unable to get the words out. 

Tommy puts the box back where it belongs, then grabs a pair of his sweatpants and a soft shirt out of the closet, and changes out of his street clothes. He doesn't say a word about what he saw. 

Buck still hasn’t moved, petrified.

Because that’s just who Tommy is, he takes the time to carefully fold his clothes into a neat pile at the foot of the bed. Only then does he wrap his hand around Buck’s wrist, tugging slightly. 

“Come on,” he says, “let’s get settled downstairs.” Buck manages to break through the terror enough to follow.

Settling down on the couch is easy — it’s something they’ve done countless times. Tommy lies down first, gets settled, then pulls Buck on top of him, to curl up on his chest. It’s surprisingly easy, given their size. It feels comfortable. It feels safe. It gets Buck to feel just a little bit less afraid.

[pt. 1 on ao3]

[this is now finished and on ao3!!]

[more nonbinary buck]

but yeah. thats done. ill let it simmer for a few hours and read over it later, and then it'll probably be updated by tomorrow (today, technically. hadn't realised how late it was)