#non-sequential chapter 24

“Are you OK? Are you hurt? How long have you been here? Were you looking for me long?” He rattled off question after question.

She smiled. “Take a breath, Steve. I’m fine.”

She pointed for him to sit back down and followed suit. 

He did as she said. Then he suddenly got bashful and embarrassed. He shifted his weight awkwardly as if he was trying to hide from her gaze.

Y/N caught on rather quickly. “How does it feel?”

Steve was speechless.

“This is your first time seeing me since your operation, isn’t it?” Y/N added, but she already knew the answer.

He just nodded, too uncomfortable to meet her gaze.

“I bet you can’t keep the girls off you,” Y/N teased.

Steve blushed. “Well, I don’t know about that – I mean, don’t be ridiculous.”

Y/N giggled.

His face dropped, “You were right. It did work.”

She gave him a warm grin. “Told you that you were the right man, didn’t I?”

Steve frowned. “Yeah, except now I’m just their show pony.”

“Now what would Agent Carter think of that?” Y/N teased.

It was such a strange game to play, pushing Steve toward Peggy when Y/N knew that she would be Steve’s second love because of her. 

Y/N respected Peggy, appreciated what she’d taught Steve about love – especially what she taught him about loving a strong, independent woman.

But there were still times when jealousy reared it’s ugly head. Y/N hated those times.

Steve’s eyes widened at the mentioning of Peggy.

“Don’t think I’ve forgotten about her,” Y/N smirked.

“How are you?” Steve changed the subject. His eyes were serious and genuine. “Last time I saw you, you were upset with me – future me, that is.” He cleared his throat. “I don’t know what I’m saying. You could be visiting me from before that time. This all gets rather confusing, huh?”

Y/N chuckled at his adorable frustration and confusion, and gave him a shy smile. “No, you were right the first time. I’m visiting from further into the future.” She nodded, “Things are better. I forgave you. Don’t think there will ever be a time when I can’t.”

Steve exhaled, relieved that there wouldn’t be a time when Y/N would stop being his friend, stop talking to him, stop visiting him through time.

Y/N’s eyes glanced at Steve’s sketchbook.

“Feeling like a dancing monkey, Steve?” Her tone was playful, but the question was serious.

He quickly closed the book. He cleared his throat. “I’m traveling with dancing girls, trying to get people to buy war bonds.”

Y/N nodded, “Wars are expensive.”

“But I could be doing more,” he snapped back.

“Then do more, Steve.”

“I can’t – I’m not even officially in the army.”

Y/N laughed, “Since when have you ever followed the rules?”

He laughed too.

She carefully reached out and took his sketchbook.

Steve tensed as flipped through it. She wasn’t surprised to see a portrait or two of Peggy. There was also some of his mother. Y/N was wondering why Steve hadn’t taken to sketching any of the girls in the dancing troop he’d been traveling with.

“You ever do any sketches of…” Y/N was about to tease him and ask about drawing her. But her words died out when she flipped to two pages of portraits. 

Both were of her.

She was in some form of Steve’s clothes in both of them. A ill-fitting shirt falling off her shoulder in one, pants bunching at her ankles in another.

“You weren’t ever supposed to see those…” Steve mumbled, scratching the back of his neck and lowering his head so she couldn’t see his blush.

“I’m flattered,” Y/N admitted. She took in all the details. “You made me rather beautiful, though.”

Steve scoffed without meaning to. “I only drew you how you are.”

It was Y/N who was blushing now.

Yes, in the present, where she was together with Steve, he told Y/N all the time how beautiful he found her.

But for some reason, hearing it from innocent, sweet Steve Rogers was different. He held no feelings for her and, as far as he knew, he never had a chance with Y/N. But that didn’t stop him from letting her know that she was indeed a beautiful woman.

Y/N flipped back to a drawing of Peggy. “You should tell her how you feel.”

“She doesn’t – I’m not – don’t be ridiculous, Y/N.” Steve fumbled around with his words.

No matter how long he knew Y/N, her direct way of speaking still caught him off guard every so often. The only times Y/N did not speak her mind clearly was when she could not tell Steve hints and secrets of the future.

“She does. Don’t be an idiot, Steve.” Y/N looked around. “You’re in the middle of a war. You need to make sure you find something worth fighting for.”

“And what about you?” Steve asked gently.

“I’m not fighting a war. At least… not yet.” Her eyes glazed over at the thought.

“That’s not what I meant.” Then he shifted his weight, trying to decide if he should say what he wanted to. “I meant… is there someone back where you’re from – uh – telling you – telling you that you’re beautiful.”

Y/N smirked at Steve’s awkwardness. He’d lost so much of it after all of his hardships. He’d gained so much more confidence; he was more self-assured now.

“I do,” she admitted softly.

She was going to make another joke about him drawing her, but the words got caught in her throat when she flipped to the next page.

Bucky.

Bucky standing with his crisp and clean and brand new military uniform. Hat tilted a little sideways. And that famous Bucky Barnes smirk on his lips.

Y/N’s fingers traced over the lines without even realizing it.

“He’s missing,” she blurted out.

“What?”

Her eyes shot up to him. “You’re going to find out in a few minutes. This is the 107th – or what’s left of it, I guess.”

“Y/N, you never tell – what are you saying? Bucky – is he – is he dead?”

“No, he’s alive. A prisoner of war, but alive.”

“You’ve never told me something like that before,” Steve said slowly, clearly still trying to process the news.

“Sometimes I get sick of fighting time,” Y/N sighed.

“I have to go after him,” Steve’s shoulders straightened and he was handling a surge of determination.

Y/N smiled, “Yes, you do.”

Then fear filled his gaze, “I know you can’t - or you won’t – tell me…but is he – will he be OK?”

Y/N stared into his eyes for a moment. “Yes, he will be fine.”

‘For now…’ she added in her mind.

Steve was surprised she continued to tell him of the future.

Y/N looked over her shoulder as if she could see something. But when Steve followed her gaze, not even his super-soldier sight spotted anything.

“I have to run before she finds you,” Y/N told him. “When it comes to her, you’re a terrible liar. And I don’t want you to have to explain how a naked, American woman got onto this base, completely undetected.”

Steve shot to his feet. “You’re leaving already.”

“I’m sorry, Steve. But you’ve got to go save Bucky and then you gotta get the girl.”

Then she quickly kissed him on the cheek, instantly making him go red.

He made a step for her, not wanting her to leave already.

But she was already quickly turning back to him, accidentally bringing their faces far too close to be considered just friendly.  

“Try not to kiss Private Lorraine,” Y/N breathed, caught off guard by their closeness that could easily be seen as intimate.

Steve’s brow furrowed. But he couldn’t stop his gaze from flicking down to her lips quickly. “I-I don’t even know a Private Lorraine.”

“Well, you will. And you should stay away from her. You should stay away from all women like her, OK?”

He nodded, not wanting to disappoint her.

“It’ll make sense soon. I promise.”

Lo and behold, Peggy was the next woman in his life to surprise him and show up out of nowhere.

—————-

PRESENT - Wakanda

Y/N quickly walked down the halls of the royal palace. She could hear the two kings guards tailing her.

One of them cleared their throat, “Ms. Y/L/N, if it is Sergeant Barnes you are heading toward, he is actually in the training facility.”

Her brow furrowed. She was going to find Bucky, just like she always did when Steve was gone and she was lonely.

However, he was alone at his hut less and less it seemed.

Y/N would’ve been happy, proud that he was socializing himself with new people more and more frequently. But that didn’t seem to be his motivation.

She didn’t want to jump to any ridiculous conclusions, but she started to feel like Bucky didn’t want to be alone with her.

Even when he had asked for him to teach her self-defense, Bucky insisted that they also enlist some of the Dora Milaje. He said it would help since he only had one arm and he didn’t want her education to suffer because of it. But Y/N knew Bucky could take down Steve with a single arm if he so wished, therefore it felt like weak reasoning.

Y/N had been in Wakanda for a year now and she’d found a routine in her life.

She no longer felt like a foreigner, but a proper member of Wakandan society – despite the fact that she lived in a royal palace.

Steve would need to leave to meet up with the team every so often, but he always tried his best not to return as quickly as possible.

Y/N still had nightmares of her kidnapping, her torture, her near death experience that she could only blame Hydra for. She was sick of hating her time traveling affliction.

When Steve asked her if she was having them when he was away, Y/N always lied. What good would it do either of them for him to worry and feel guilty about being away?

The nightmares were one of the main reasons she finally asked Bucky to teach her self-defense.

Y/N would’ve asked Steve, but she didn’t want to make him stay in captain mode any longer than he already did. He also was almost too patient with her. She needed to be pushed.

When Y/N walked into the gym, Bucky was doing one-armed pushups.

He had no shirt on and there was just a pair of black shorts and sneakers – which Shuri most definitely designed – covering his body.

Wakandan hip-hop was playing on the speakers, which was why Y/N didn’t recognize it. Shuri had taken it upon herself to help Y/N teach Bucky anything and everything pop culture.

The kings guards left Y/N to it. Whenever she was with Bucky, they didn’t see the need to linger. He would protect her.

Bucky heard their arrival and his head snapped up.

He quickly jumped to his feet when he spotted Y/N and gave a small nod of acknowledgement to her guards.

Y/N tried not to stare at Bucky’s ridiculously muscular and sweaty chest. She did. But it was damn near impossible.

His and Steve’s bodies were ridiculous. God-like is what most women would confess.

Furthermore, Y/N got to see how Steve put his to use… in ways no one else knew about.

“You wanna keep rubbing it in my face that you can do hundreds of pushups with one arm while I can’t even do 5 with both of mine?” Y/N greeted him.

Bucky chuckled, and Y/N swore she made him blush. Or maybe that was just from working out.

“You just gotta work at it, kid. I’ve got the advantage of a super-soldier serum.”

There it was again. That nickname. When he said it, Y/N realized he hadn’t used it in quite some time.

But Y/N pushed the thought out of her head and rolled her eyes teasingly.

“Yeah, I’m sure you wouldn’t be able to still do all of those without it.”

As soon as her feet stepped onto the padded flooring Bucky was waiting on, he kicked Y/N’s legs out from underneath her.

He did it so smoothly and quickly that Y/N could’ve blinked and missed it. The only proof being that she was now laying on her back, staring up at the ceiling. Her head was aching from hitting the ground hard. 

“Bucky! What the actual fuck!” She screamed.

He tried not to look too pleased with himself. “Last lesson, I told you that you needed to learn to always be prepared. Most attacks are going to be a surprise. If you don’t train your body to always be ready, all the other stuff is pointless.”

Y/N glared at him. “Way to build trust...” But then she quickly rolled back to her feet.

Without really thinking her plan through, Y/N lunged for him. She meant it to distract him from her actual intentions, which were to knee him right in the balls. 

Payback is payback.

But Bucky easily deflected all efforts. And he absolutely knew what she was trying to do.

“Ya trying to play dirty?” He asked with a smile.

“Just trying to get even,” Y/N snapped.

She knew she wasn’t going to get any damn hit in. She was a civilian jousting with the Winter Soldier. She didn’t stand a chance.

But Y/N did know is that Bucky wouldn’t ever hurt her. In fact, he would put himself in harms way to make sure that didn’t happen.

So, Y/N decided to use that to her advantage.

If she wanted to take him down, she had to go down with him.

Y/N lunged for him at a weird angle, hoping her own weight combined with gravity would be enough to drag him down with her.

Bucky’s eyes widened slightly as he realized Y/N’s body was about to hit the ground hard and quick, and at an angle that would easily dislocate her shoulder. 

He shifted his weight so his back hit the ground and he took all of the blow, Y/N having his body as a cushion to land on.

“You OK?” He asked hurriedly. Even though there was no way she could’ve harmed herself.

Y/N nodded and smiled mischievously. “Had to figure out a way to bring you down…”

Then Bucky snapped back to reality.

He was laying on his back with Y/N laying on top of him. Her chest pressed against his. Her hands were spread across his bare chest, able to feel his skin. Her warmth was enveloping him. When did his grip on her go so low on her hips? He could feel her heartbeat, and then he felt it quicken when a silence settled between them and they realized how unsuitably close they were.

But swore he didn’t mean. He tried with all of his might not to take a glimpse at her lips. But his eyes were no longer in his control.

Now he was panicked.

He quickly ushered her off of him, almost being rough about it.

Y/N misread his panic as irritation with her.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out. “Did I hurt you?”

Of course she didn’t hurt him.

“I’m fine,” Bucky mumbled without looking at her.

Y/N was finally able to acknowledge that something was off between the two of them, and it had been for awhile. She wasn’t sure if she could put her finger on when it started, but it felt like it had been since she showed up at his doorstep after seeing him bleeding out in the snow. She’d killed a Hydra agent that day trying to protect him.

“You don’t call me ‘kid’ anymore,” she accused him.

Bucky’s brow creased as he finally looked up at her. “What are you talking about?”

“I mean, you did earlier. But that was the first time in months.” Then she gestured at the giant and empty training facility. “This is the first time we’ve actually been alone in months too. What’s going on, Bucky? Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong?”

“No,” he muttered swiftly.

“Then what is it? Because something is – it’s off. We’re off.”

But Bucky just stared into her gaze.

He couldn’t tell her. He couldn’t explain what he was going through.

He couldn’t tell her that he was trying to keep his distance, trying to prove to his best friend that he wasn’t trying to steal his girl. But he couldn’t stay away from her either. He couldn’t leave her be when both of them were so alone here.

Bucky couldn’t tell her he was in love with her.

What would be the point?

The two kings guards returned. “Ms. Y/L/N?”

“Yeah,” she muttered without breaking her stare down with Bucky.

“Captain Rogers just landed. We thought you may wish to know.”

Y/N finally blinked and turned to them, “Thank you.” Then she turned and promptly left without saying another word to Bucky.

As soon as he was alone, Bucky rubbed his face and paced. “What the hell are you thinking, Bucky?” He whispered to himself.

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Chapter 25