#non-acceptance

I have had several conversations with my family about them questioning my sexuality over years but recently they’ve become more numerous thanks to my friend..

I love my family very much, but I know they would not handle it well at all really since my dad has repeatedly told me “I’m so happy you’re not gay or anything like that” and my mom telling me “I woke up crying because I had a dream you were actually gay and that means I can’t have grandchildren or a daughter-in law” and my siblings CONSTANTLY make anti-LGBT jokes and statements in front of me which I call them out on only to have them continue questioning me about my sexuality but I’m able to convince them that I am just straight - and that it’s wrong to make jokes about that but that’s for another discussion.

My “friend” has openly discussed his attraction to me in front of them, as well as point out some things from my past that they don’t know about such as that I may or may not have had some sort of feelings for him (which I have NEVER EVER HAD) or one of our other mutual friends, or that i kinda came out as curious at least to one friend who was struggling with it like I was/am, but that “friend” also ended up telling a lot of other people but I was able to insulate my family from all that thankfully... also he mentions how I am his (for lack of better words/the gist of it) “favorite closeted boy” in front of my family members or other comments like that..

He knows I have a family like this who wouldn’t support me if I were to come out in anyway to them, but continues to make these comments and my life so much more stressful and unnecessarily complicated than it needs to be.

Anytime I have confronted him about these comments after he has said them he winds up making me the bad guy and I end up apologizing to him and the cycle just repeats itself.

Tonight it’s gotten to the point where again he pointed out that I may not be straight in front of my family again that I can’t take it anymore, to the point that I realized I need to end our friendship (which I guess is way more one-sided than I realized).

I just don’t want to come across as this ass who just unloads all this frustration and anger on him while telling him to no longer contact me or my family again in anyway - which I know he will try to do still - while also trying to explain to my family why I am cutting him off WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING TO TELL THEM WHY.

Clarification: I do not know if I am gay, or if I am bi, or if I am just curious or not. There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of these orientations or the people who have them. What’s wrong is people using anothers own struggle or identity against them - even if only jokingly - even if they are family.

I don’t know what to say or do.

"Eu tenho pena de morrer, deixar o mundo"

,or:

We still haven't talk yet. I'm not sure when she'll decide to spring it on me, whatever it is she is holding back from saying.