#nometime

5:30am – Head to the gym or take the dog on a beach walk

7:30am – straighten up the house

8:00am – make smoothie

8:10 – head to work

5:30/6pm – head to dinner with friends

8:00pm – take dog on quick walk, catch up on favorite show or read a book

9:30pm – 10pm – hop into bed

 That was then…. As I look at this schedule, one theme seems quite apparent, there is plenty of “me” time. And, I miss my morning smoothie. There used to be time to do the things I enjoy and time to de-stress. This has become more and more of an issue for me lately. After having a child you literally go into survival mode for the first few months. You are too exhausted to even think about me. Then, you go back to work and are so completely overwhelmed with trying to figure out how to balance it all, me time is something you decide you will worry about later. You finally get into your routine right about the time your baby is starting to become a little person. A person who laughs, plays and responds to you (finally!). Then you struggle with spending time away from him/her because you don’t want to miss these precious moments.

I don’t typically subscribe to New Year’s Resolutions. But this year it was very obvious that I need to focus on me. My resolution is to do just that. Well, here we are almost in the middle of February and I can count on one hand the things I have done for myself this year. If I were in school I would certainly be failing in this area. What do I miss the most? Working out. I used to spend time everyday doing this. For a Type A person like me, it is an incredible stress reliever and endorphin releaser. I miss the feeling of being “strong”. If I am being honest, I could not care less what the numbers on the scale are. For me, it has always been about being healthy and strong. So what am I waiting for? Go work out!

Well, it is just not that simple anymore. Mornings are precious for a few reasons. First, due to the fact that I birthed the worst sleeper ever, I literally cannot get up before 7am. I pray and hope he sleeps until 7am because on a good night, we have been up twice with him. Last night, it was four times. Second, we usually pull him in bed with us at his 4:30am wake up because we are too tired to deal with letting him cry or attempting to rock him to sleep. That means that I will have interrupted sleep caused by being kicked in the face or worrying that I will fall off the bed because L is taking up our whole bed. We certainly would not dare move him – he is FINALLY sleeping! And third, it is usually at this time that Louin is in cuddle mode snuggled up to my chest or even sleeping on it. There will be a day when he no longer does and I am certainly not interrupting these moments for the gym.

What about after work? By this time, I have spent about nine hours away from L. Another hour away from him is too much to bear. So, yet again, I sacrifice the gym to run home and play with him. I do my best to throw in an evening walk where we go find “kitties”, birds and squirrels around the neighborhood. The one day I can commit to is Saturday. So for now, that is the gym day.

I have tried to find some creative solutions for me time. For example, being so exhausted has me feeling like I have aged five years in the last 18 months. So, I am focusing on “me” with face masks a couple times a week. It sounds so silly but being able to put that mask on and watch Real Housewives is my heaven. Erika Jayne, I love you. If you don’t know who that is, you need to. In these few moments, I can take some deep breaths and not worry about the hustle and bustle that awaits me the next day. I try my best to just be in the moment.